to want to cry after my ds end of year results

[Bigglassofwineplease]

My ds came home with his report. 11% for English and less than 50% in every subject other than RE. I had sat down with him, helped him make notes, tested him etc. He seemed to have a good knowledge and I am heartbroken that he only managed such low scores. I want him to be empowered by realising that working hard achieves results but he really has a CBA attitude. He starts his GCSE's in September and I am dreading a battle in him fulfilling his homework and lesson expectations. From September I will have to take away his Xbox as I did in the run up to these end of year exams..but will it make any difference? We have a strong relationship but I am so weary with nagging and reward schemes and consequences and punishments. Do any other MN's have sons who have turned it around from 14-16? I need to be inspired that my energy is directed in the right way for the next 2 years. I am looking into the tutor route but I don't have a lot of funds. I help him all the time and did well at school and Uni so don't understand why he won't put the effort in. He gets up for school fine every day, doesn't appear tired, doesn't smoke or do anything else to the best of my knowledge and is happy with his friends and has a stable home life. Deep sigh.

Oliversmumsarmy like you said plumber, electrician, car mechanic, plasterer, kitchen fitter, roofer are all good jobs, and given how much I'm paying most of them at the moment, will make way more money than a lot of graduates!

2017RedBlue do you actually have a teenage boy?? 🤣🤣

Also I had a teacher at school who disliked me for some reason and continually went out of her way to say I wouldn't get more than a C in the subject (think everything in the same class, she asks a question and then says "this is only for the A people to try to answer put your hand down" Flop). I got an a* GCSE. Ha fucking ha. Basically my mum encouraged me to have a bit of a fuck you attitude and that meant her shittiness motivated me rathe than demotivated me. Is there any way you can do that with your son? It does depend on his character a bit. I am deeply contrary so I think that's why I did OK.

You make a good point Red, I'm fairly certain DS1 only roused himself to get the mediocre A levels he did because a spell of pot washing in a busy hotel opened his eyes a bit to the real world.

Similarly, I think he only worked at uni because he was having a great time and wanted to stay there.

And we are comfortably off, and work from home, not particularly hard, in our own business. So he never knew what life is like when you are skint and never saw how hard we worked in the early days to get to our cushy position.

Around here plumbers charge £90 +VAT per 30minute block. That is over £200 per hour and no debt to pay back.

Thing is though Wombling plenty of tradesmen are knackered at 40, your knees are gone, your back is gone. You often don't make good money into old age. Or indeed when you are starting out.

Or go and work as a laborer for a few days if you have any family friends who are in the building trade who could take him for a week

Ds would love this. You wouldn't get him behind a desk again he cant wait to get stuck in. He would rather hod carry than sit reading a book.

Oliversmummy. My Dad carried a hod for a few years, believe me manual labour soon loses it's shine.

Thing is though Wombling plenty of tradesmen are knackered at 40, your knees are gone, your back is gone. You often don't make good money into old age. Or indeed when you are starting out

But by that time if you have been sensible you will have acquired the contacts and wherewithal to go into property and you get someone else to do the work you cannot manage. It I like everything you start out as one thing and at a certain age you get too old/expensive and you have to change careers.

Oliversmummy the successful builders/developers I know were always bright. One has a history degree, one old friend was easily as bright as me at school (I went to uni) just went into the family firm. You need to be literate and very numerate, to ru a successful business.

Thankyou everyone again. I just wish I could see into the future...see him happy in his chosen life...and then I could cope much better with the present. I want him to want to do well. I will have to get subtly tougher and encourage him all I can without nagging to the point I feel like hiding myself under the stairs, which has happened a lot over the past year. Once I did, but the hoover was smelly and I only lasted 3 minutes! Enough to take stock and emerge smiling. This motherhood lark is a real test sometimes.

Seriously Bigglassofwineplease you are doing what you can. You live him, you care about him, and you have his back. You don't need to see into the future to know that this is what he needs. He will find his own happy, if you give him the building blocks.

Love him not live him

Oliversmummy the successful builders/developers I know were always bright. One has a history degree, one old friend was easily as bright as me at school (I went to uni) just went into the family firm. You need to be literate and very numerate, to ru a successful business

Well it is a good job I didn't listen to other people.
Just because someone is dyslexic doesn't mean they are not bright .
What I was trying to get across was it doesn't matter what you start off as the chances are at some point it doesn't matter whether you work in an office or on a building site at some point you will change careers. I have known a nurse who was made redundant and now does property developing, an accountant who runs a brewery.
A hairdresser who jacked it in and now runs a night club.

Have you explained to him that IF he fails at school in English and Maths he has to retake them at collage, and everyone will know about it.
It might be time to back of leave him with all his toys and say it's his life his job prospects and if he wants a life like you have he needs to do better, or you will spend the next few years fighting with him over everything, once you back of you may see he takes a better attitude because most kids think we know nothing, have never been there and don't understand.

I know you want the best for him, but until he wants to do this he won't, save the money for the Tutors into an account and show it too him, tell him for every A he gets he can have the cash. if that won't make him work, then nothing will.

Tinkly You just need motivation, social skills, imagination and consistency to be successful in business IMO and E (everything else can be done on line or wherever.)

DH is a good example of someone who gave up on school he ran away ( the religious teachers were dreadful bullies). It put him off so much that he couldn't bear academic work. He is no fool though, now running a lucrative PR business. He employs an accountant, his English and his foreign languages are good but the school didn't bother to discover that.

Hmm well as someone who runs a business I find being able to read a contract and a balance sheet pretty useful skills. Course lots of people think success all about the idea and the passion. And most businesses fail because of cash flow problems.

Just to add my plasterer is in his 70s, electrician and plumber are in their 40s and between us we haven't got a GCSE or Olevel or CSE between us.

Sounds like quite a few of our Year 9 boys. Their results were pretty dreadful. Quite a few ~22% (Science). Basically they cba as well. Some boys wrote their name on, did a couple of multi-choice, one word type Qs then put their head down for the remaining 1hour 20 mins (A 90 min exam!).

Hopefully this will give him a bit of kick up the backside ready to begin year 10. Maybe ask for a meeting with his head of year so they know you are supportive and that YOU do care how he does?

well as someone who runs a business I find being able to read a contract and a balance sheet pretty useful skills

I can read a contract and balance sheet. I don't have a single qualification. I always get a solicitor or accountant to run through stuff and I ask a lot of questions. Just to be on the safe side .

But after doing what I do for so many years most contracts are standard.

Its helpful to be able to read (and check) a set of accounts and to follow a contract, even if you pay for professional advisors.

it is known that students. especially boys, often seem lazy and not bothered as an advance defence against failing. however with 11 percent english i would speak to the english teacher for some direct feedback. if he complains and if you are sure he is deliberately not working tell him the easy way to stop you interfering is to work harder.if he he says he has issues with the teacher remind him she or he get paid regardless, so they dont suffer if he does badly, he does. also try to find out what marks were average for the class. good luck

I think that schools need to use people like my y11 son to give kicks up the arses to younger kids. My son revised for his GCSEs at the last minute and knows that he's lucky to have achieved the results that he'll get in August. He's realised too late that studying is for his benefit and adults like me and the teachers don't nag because we're mean. He's told his younger siblings not to follow his example.

Seconding the poster who said you should make sure he knows that even if he goes down the FE vocational route, if he hasn't got a C grade or above in English and Maths at GCSE, he'll be doing Level 1 or 2 in those subjects at college.
I taught adults in FE, but colleagues teaching school-leavers had to manage the horror and disappointment of hairdressing/construction/vehicle maintenance students who thought they had escaped, finding they couldn't progress without their English and maths.
Unless you are convinced his teachers are inadequate, I don't think I'd recommend tutoring, I think it can send the message that he isn't the issue, the tutor will fix it, and he has even less reason to put in effort himself.
I agree with part-time jobs and some frank conversations about life-goals and how he expects to achieve them. Does he like travel/skiing/ attending matches of his favourite rugby/football team? Talk about how much they cost and make sure he realises he has two years left of you paying for them. Do you have Sky? Make sure he knows the cost.
I have so many first generation affluent middle-class friends who worked their knackers off, who are baffled by their underachieving cba adolescent kids. A common denominator is them saying that "I've worked hard to give my kids the best so they don't struggle like I did." Their kids don't connect their annual ski holiday, Superdry hoodies and Leeds Festival post-GCSE tickets with (their parents) hard graft. They are just natural phenomena that fall into their laps.
He needs to equate his effort in with goodies out.