I am divorced, have 3 children with ex, and a very amicable (on the whole) relationship with him.
We have both moved on and have new partners, both happy. He is getting married to his GF at the end of this year.
She is younger than him, no kids of her own yet and is very fond of, and good with mine. However, I find her insensitive and a bit crass and over bearing at times. She is very opinionated, particularly regarding the kids. And she definitely wears the trousers in their relationship.
I will try and give some examples.
When she and ex had only been dating for a couple of months, she found and booked holiday activities / clubs for my kids. With his consent, it should be said, and on his time with them. But I didn't feel it was her place to do this when she had been around for such a short time.
She pressured my daughter to get a hair cut (she is 14) because she felt it needed it because of supposed split ends (there were hardly any!) My daughter was against a cut and wanted to grow it (I asked her what she wanted). My ex was texting me loads about it (like he has EVER given a jot about her hair!) and I said I wasn't happy and that if and when she (my daughter) wanted her hair cut I would sort it out, that the GF was absolutely not to organise it. A couple of weeks later daughter came back from a weekend at theirs with 3 inches lopped off and cried after she washed it as it bounced up even shorter (it is naturally curly so looked much shorter after the blow dry had been washed out).
She frequently dictates his emails / texts to me regarding arrangements / the kids / the money. I don't know if she physically gets hold of his phone, or whether she dictates and he writes it, but I know my ex and I know his tone and turn of phrase and I can spot a GF email a mile off. Plus, she has tripped herself up when talking to me and repeated, verbatim an opinion SHE has about something that I have already had via text /email from my ex husband (supposedly).
The children have all said that she is very lovely and nice to them, but when she doesn't get her way (and it can be over something REALLY trivial) she literally sulks for the entire day. Staying in a closed room and not coming out sort of thing. Their Dad tip toeing around her and trying to cajole her out of it. Sometimes it has lasted all weekend and the kids hate the atmosphere. Once, she took to her bedroom and stayed there all day because she was excited about wanting to make a thai beef salad for lunch for them all and my kids hate thai and asked politely whether they could have something else.
(I should say here that my eldest is 20 and he has witnessed all of this, so it is not coming from a little child who may have misinterpreted things)
I had a recent request from my ex about something. We had a discussion over a cuppa, and we agreed the route forward. I specifically said I would ONLY agree to what he was proposing as long as the children were not told. He totally agreed that was the right thing, and proper way to do things. That very evening the GF announced to the children over dinner in a very showy 'I have something I want to tell you' way. I KNOW my ex and I know that he has allowed her to over rule on this because in her opinion her way is the best way. I feel she deliberately undermined me.
Writing this they all sound like minor things and in the bigger picture I know that they are and that the kids being happy around her and her caring about them and making them feel welcome are the most important thing.
Maybe she will back off a bit when she has her own
?
Should I get a grip??