To ask your help finding DH a job/working out what he can do

[GreeboIsACutePussPuss]

DH has been out of work for a very long time (originally signed off sick but now just unemployed) he does not want to go back to bar work or shop work, which are all he has ever done.

He has a handful of GCSEs. For about the 7 millionth time we have discussed him going back to work, or rather this time having just found out he's not applied for a couple of jobs his friend found for him (or indeed any jobs for at least 6 months) I have snapped and told him to get a fucking job or get out (I've been happy to support him when i thought he was applying and just not getting anywhere but now i know he's not even trying im pretty pissed off) I've said I will help him look but to be honest I'm a bit stuck on what to suggest.

So what jobs can people suggest?

I earn just enough by the way that we don't qualify for any benefits and childcare isn't an issue so any money he brings in is a bonus, I'm just sick of his excuses. Also i've said he has 1 month before not wanting to do bar work or shop work is tough shit, I don't want him to be miserable and I know job hunting sucks but I'm fed up of struggling to make ends meet when hes not even trying!

I have had the same problem. He worked for a couple of years then used an illness as an excuse for no work for 10years. No childcare really, no cleaning, just online games. I've worked constantly through this for no appreciation. You get so tired working, when you get home you don't have the energy for all the excuses so you let it be.

I had enough and we had a mass argument and he pulled the job site up. One of the first jobs he applied for turned out to be perfect hours for him and he enjoys it greatly. The couple of things he did do (ie give me a lift in a car i pay for) now mean my days are longer, but alot more quiet! Our daughter got older and she got annoyed with seeing him take advantage of me. Now me and her are moving next year. We have all our plans in place and he knows about it. He had the chance this year to make an effort and didnt.

I think what I'm trying to say is that kind of personality will always take the p*ss if they can someway . Look after you and yr DCs.
And good luck.Don't feel bad if you leave. It's not yr fault they have put themselves in the position they have. My OH still moans things like"What kind of life will I have at nearly 50 starting again in a rented room?". Not my fault or problem anymore is my answer as 20+years of doing it all mean its my time for life now! (and yours!) .

I haven't roped the kids into anything, DS is 13, he was putting his muddy football kit in not DH's clothes. But yeah you might be right about him never getting a job, I was cutting him some slack coz I had trouble getting back into work after having kids and assumed he'd hit a similar issue having been out of work so long.

There's 2 types of JSA, contribution based and income based. He won't get either because the OP works and it sounds like she earns a reasonable salary as they don't qualify for tax credits and he won't be eligible for contribution based as he hasn't worked recently.

I would have hoped that the job centre would help him find a job anyway, but perhaps not as he's not a statistic that they need to get off the dole. Nothing to stop him looking on their jobs website, or any other recruitment portals though.

Choose an industry and do relevant qualifications

I agree with mad he should be signing on!

I know some people have a weird pride thing about it but it's daft not to. As a pp mentioned, he should get the NI stamps, plus they might be able to help with job seeking skills type of stuff. My DSis was put on a course (how to write a CV, that kind of thing) while she signed on which can't hurt if he's been out of work that long.

I do think a lot of men struggle with the pride thing re being out of work; he does sound a little depressed. But he should definately be doing the household work and applying to at least 1-2 jobs a day I'd say. And yy to joining a temping agency, that's a good shout.

Yikes. I had a similar-ish situation where DP was out of work for about 10 months.

We have no DC. In the end I very bluntly laid out that he either had to find a job within a month or go back to living with his parents.

However...I have to say while he wasn't working I didn't lift one finger around the house. He did all the laundry, shopping, etc and had my dinner on the table when I got in from work. I didn't even have to run my own bath or make a cup of tea for myself it was quite nice being a 1950s husband TBH

I think you need to lay down the law very bluntly and tell him he has to take over the full running of the house and family while he's not working and that he has a set amount of time to find a job or leave. My DP said something similar about certain jobs being beneath him and I very bluntly told him that he could forget using that as an excuse since living off me was the bottom of the pile in terms of 'manly pride'.

You're not making his life hard enough and are enabling him a little I think. Time to get very, very tough (and mean it, no empty threats)...

I don't think he's qualify for JSA due to family income?

Exactly, I am earning just above the threshold for him to qualify, only just enough.

I agree with cutting him some slack but 7 years worth???

Do you think that your kids haven't noticed what is going on and aren't affected by it because if you do then you are seriously deluded.

you have to toughen up first OP before he will.

cut off the internet during the day. stop buying and cooking food for him. stop dealing with his washing and stop anything else that allows him to sit on his ass all day.

give him a until Friday to go and sign on and then give him 4 weeks to get a job. if he doesn't then ask him to move out until he can.

he is sponging off you and you are letting him.

I would feel completely differently if you never lifted a finger in the house but this is who he is. he is never going to change.

I will ask you again - can you do this for another 35 years?

What about a driving instructor? Would fit in with his wish to be self employed.

Royal mail / delivery? Can he drive?

To be honest, he is being enabled to do this while he is with you. If he wasn't he's have to work to pay the rent / bills / feed himself. He needs a wake up call. think you are doing he right thing by letting him experience that. You aren;t his mum after all, and he isn;t a child.

No he'd be out on his ear here. Not on leaving everything to you. Beneath him indeed, yet it's not beneath him to sit on his arse all day playing games?? Come off it!

With bar work and retail in his background there's tons he could do. As you're not in receipt of any benefits even part time would bring some extra money in.

Even with jobs scarce on the ground he could do education/training and he CERTAINLY should be doing everything at home!

I'm shocked nobody's said 'cocklodger' yet!

I don't want him to be miserable but you are quite happy to struggle on and do all the housework and work full time.

will you give him an ultimatum OP?

Nothing to stop him enquiring about the Step Up Into Construction course or similar re the CSCS card and health and safety test. I've been involved with that for the past year but you do have to be claiming an out of work benefit to be eligible.
He could make an appointment to see a National Careers Service advisor re planning a return to the workplace and getting support with a CV.
And he could then upload that CV to recruitment sites and set up email alerts.

why should he work ilovesooty? he has been at home for the past 7 years playing computer games all day.

he doesn't do the house work or anything around the house. He just sits.

there are loads of things he could do but he wont and the OP wont give him an ultimatum so because nothing has changed nothing changes.

and the OP has another 35 years of this.

If he was providing a worthwhile contribution at home and using his 6 free hours each weekday to keep on top of all housework/laundry/admin/food shopping/meal prep and it made life easier all round then id say well, isnt it handier having this?

But he isnt even doing half of that!!!

He might be eligible to sign on just for his national insurance contributions, even if he doesn't get any money? Signing on may also make him eligible for help with training etc.

He needs a good kick up the arse.

Playing online games?!!! Change the internet password!!

(Just to make him bored of being at home, then give access for him to look for jobs once he's actually proactively going to the job centre & knocking on doors)

flowersandfootballs - he wants to do nothing. he wants to sit around the house all day playing computer games and not doing any housework. see up thread about the fact he currently has no clean clothes because he wont do the washing.

I think the OP has disappeared. perhaps she needs to show him this thread.

to be self employed you need a very strong work ethic and determination. he has limited skills and hasn't worked for 7 years. today the OP is pissed off with him. it will pass until the next time he pisses her off and then maybe at some distant point in the future she might do some of the things suggested on here.

then again she might not.

he has had lots of opportunities to work but wont take them. who wouldn't prefer to be at home all day doing nothing and have a slave who earns the money, cooks the food, does the shopping, washing etc and only gets 2 hours off a week.

you couldn't legally employ someone to do what the OP does. she must be exhausted.

Know this situation well. My ex was like this and he was playing online games/surfing the net for up to 18 hours a day. He did absolutely nothing. He worked for approx. 3 months of the 3 years we were together. He also went on a couple of training courses ( 2x 3 hrs per week) which meant he was "too tired" to do any housework or look for a temporary job. Meanwhile I was supposed to go to work to pay for everything (though he did make contributions to food bills from his savings) and also run the household. He couldn't even clear his plates away let alone wash up.
I tried various ways of getting him to contribute to the household and assigned him chores. Every time I reminded him to do his chores he would whine "I'm not feeling very happy at the moment" or "I'm ill today".
Then I moved on to doing absolutely nothing for him so he simply sat on the sofa with his laptop and cooked himself frozen pizzas and drank cola and sat in his own stinking clothes.
I thought he was severely depressed and tried to get him to seek out medical help but he wouldn't.
In the end I couldn't stand it anymore and I just told him he had a month to get out and set a date. One week before the scheduled moving out date there was no signs of him moving (still on the sofa eating pizza) so I said, you now have one week to get out. He went mad and said that wasn't what we had agreed but he finally released I was serious and so he rang up some friends, said he was homeless, and he moved in with them and scrounged off them for several months before he eventually got himself a job.

I think people can get addicted to online games and the internet and it is then difficult to break out of it. Everything is more effort than playing games and everything is more "boring" (my ex's word for everything... "no, don't want to do that. Boring".
Unfortunately there is not a lot you can do. If you can't stand the situation any more and he won't make any kind of effort then you are better off on your own. Give him notice.

Could he be a taxi driver? He could pick and choose his own hours and when he wants a day off

Do you think he's depressed OP? It's very easy to lose motivation and focus and just stop functioning in society.

I would suggest two things. One, giving him a shock into action by telling him he either finds a job within X amount of time or you are filing for divorce. Or apply for jobs for him so he just has to get his arse to the interviews.

Coming back to the original question:

• Warehouse operator
• Fork lift truck driver (will need to get licence)
• Delivery driver
• HGV driver (will need licence)
• Call centre
• Postman
• Train/tube driver
• Sales
• Estate agent
• Healthcare assistant
• Labourer
• Plumber, electrician, builder, carpenter (with training and starting at the bottom)
• Trainee chef
• Personal trainer (if interested and with training)
• Teaching support assistant
• Trainee ambulance crew (requires training)
• Receptionist/office junior/admin (can lead to other things once shown willing)
• Apprentice engineer or technician
• Facilities management apprentice
• Trainee recruitment agent

This list took me about 10 mins to compile via google research....so I'd suggest it's not you that needs to sort this out for him.

He needs to step away from his online games. Pull his finger out and man up. Plenty of jobs out there...