To not want anyone there whilst in hospital with DS?

[PayingMyWayYouSay]

Apart from DH of course.

I don't want MIL/SIL visiting whilst I'm there. It's against my wishes tbh. I want House visits only.

DH is a bit at me but that's how it is. I will be in quite a vulnerable position, regardless of how easy or not so my birth ends up.

I would 100% have my Mum there when DS is born but, she lives too far away, and she won't be able to straight away. She will also be visiting once we're home.

And I'm the mother of a son. If he ever has a baby I hope I'm not such a self absorbed dick as to 'weep' or whatever manipulative nonsense people spout about the fact that my DIL might like a bit of privacy or support from her own Mum

This.

Some of you are already lining up to be the MIL from hell. All this demanding your (non existent ) right to be treated exactly the same as DILs mother by some poor, vulnerable girl lying exhausted, tearful and bleeding in a hospital bed.

Kindness, generosity and sensitivity are the way to build a relationship with your DILs, not making selfish and unreasonable demands left right and centre .

To be honest I don't really agree with you. She'll hardly be in the room with you & don't know what harm it would do to have her in the waiting room. But it's your life.

Tbf Kristina we don't know if this woman has made selfish and unreasonable demands "left right and centre". Just that the OP doesn't like her very much.

Yanbu. Say no to MIL and SIL visiting the hospital. Enjoy your time with hubby and baby

Very different scenario, but a few hours after having DD my MIL was wheeled across to maternity from the oncology unit complete with all her drips to meet her first grandchild. We don't always have the smoothest relationship, but I would never begrudge those precious few moments. My parents drove 400 miles in a day to spend a couple of hours with us a few days later. Lovely family memories, but you have your own clear reasons, so I'm not sure why you've asked the question.

Other relatives can go in to see the baby, rather than the OP. If her husband has parental responsibility, then the father can pick and choose who goes in to see the baby, just as much as the mother can.

Or baby can go home with father, and relatives can visit baby at home.

'If the husband has parental responsibility, then the father can pick and choose who goes in to see the baby'

This just isn't true. Father himself can't even visit the baby in hospital without the mother's permission.

Or baby can go home with father, and relatives can visit baby at home.

Christ... yes just leave the baby factory in hospital and take baby home because we cant disappoint precious relatives by asking them to wait ive heard it all.

Yes anyone who posts a newborn should be removed from it's mother so that other relatives can visit sooner clearly doesn't give a shit about the wellbeing of that child.

I never understand this idea about fairness. I had DP and my mum at the birth. My mum was there in her capacity as my mum, not favourite grandmother. I would never have had MIL there, wouldn't have my dad either.

I doubt my PIL would visit me in hospital for anything else, they'd just send a card. They are definitely only there to see the baby, which is fair enough, but my parents are actually visiting me as well, so it is different.

I actually did say long before the birth that PIL could visit as soon as they wanted. SIL (their daughter) specified no visitors for over a week, and they seemed a bit disappointed, so I thought it would mean a lot to them to visit on the day of the birth.

I hadn't considered feeing vulnerable beforehand, but after 24 hours of labour and hours of pushing after the baby stopped descending, I was knackered, covered in blood, and I was glad to have my mum to help me to the loo and wash, not DP. I'm not even a private person, but it felt more dignified. I managed visits fine, but it wasn't effortless and completely support any mother to do what is right for her at that time.

Well I understand why you wouldn't want your MIL looking at your fanjo. Are fanjo's normally on view to visitors? Things must have changed, when I had mine visitors saw you when you were ready, you know had a cuppa, had a wash, clean nightie on, definitely not while fanjo's were on show to mothers or MILs.

I wouldn't have wanted my mother there either, we were close and I know she would have been getting upset about me being in pain and to be honest I didn't want to be worrying about her worrying about me. I had a home birth and my mother was in the house but I told midwife she could have me in the room or my mother but not both. To be honest I had no more desire for my mother to see my fanjo than I did for MIL. I never saw childbirth as a spectator sport.

I hear over and over how "stressful" it is to see someone you love go through childbirth and not be able to help them. Well, sorry, it's significantly worse to go through ACTUAL childbirth, so the mother is the one who gets to decide how the birth and post birth time will be.

That might be true for you but I don't think it is for everyone. I have 4 kids, I've had the forceps and the emergency C Section and the straightforward birth. I was fine with it, didn't put me off having the next one. My DD wants me to be with her when she gives birth, I am dreading it and I know I will find it much harder to watch her than to do it myself. So I do understand how hard it can be to watch someone you love in pain, you might not see it that way but doesn't mean that is how it is for everyone.

Heartshapped that sounds horrific for You!! And this is why I do not want to tell anyone I am even in Labour. We will announce his arrival when we are good and ready. My Mom also smokes actually - I didn't think of that!
DHs family don't live in this country...

I think you are being a bit mean. Ok, so you don't want to see them so a simple solution is that they come and your DH takes the baby out of the room/ward to see them.

Whenever I read a thread like this, I find myself hoping that not too many women expecting their first babies are reading.

Obviously lots of women do have difficult births and feel awful afterwards. BUT lots don't. It isn't inevitable, or even probable. Lots of women feel perfectly fine, and are walking around and cheerful and able to cope Of course some can't. But please-not so many horror stories!

The idea that new fathers need equivalent support to new mothers is ABSOLUTELY ridiculous.

Neither he nor she has any right to be there at all.

"Why does her husband need support?"

You do realise that OP's DH has also had to grieve the losses of his three children that sadly didn't survive? Men are not robots that can just smooth over the death of their children, you know.

Wow, if that's the level of consideration a father who has buried three babies before this pregnancy truly receives, I'm fucking delighted I have two DDs and that my DS is gay.

Logical Later losses weren't DH's, I've only ever had an early miscarriage with DH

Can understand why you'd guess otherwise though

@LogicalPsycho - my brother had to cope with potentially losing his wife and child due to preclamsia and HELP related complications. He needed so much support for the first 2 weeks as he was effectively the only parent. When sil was well enough she was able to get involved but those initial weeks were hell.

Actually, I think my dp was more in need of support after our babies were born than I was! I had a job to do and did it. He saw me in pain, was the one who actually saw our baby girl with the cord wrapped round her neck (I was blissfully unaware of that for some time) and got my blood on his shoes.........

Father himself can't even visit the baby in hospital without the mother's permission.
Of course he can. If he has PR he has the right to be with his child, just as much as the mother does. A parent doesn't have more rights than the other one just on account of their sex

Paying I apologise for presuming wrongly.

And for the record I don't actually think there's anything wrong with your birth plan. I realise a new baby is a hugely exciting time for both families.
But in the early days, the focus must be on getting the baby here safely, and the physical and psychological wellbeing of their Mum.
Nobody 'lost out' on anything by not being the first to see the child, the baby is blissfully unaware of anything going on.

If you don't want MIL there, that's your prerogative whatever the reason. I only posted earlier in the thread to say try and go into the labour with an open mind, it may not be as bad as you think

Angel
Father himself can't even visit the baby in hospital without the mother's permission.

If you saw the Sunday paper headlines yesterday, a Man gave birth to his Daughter last week. He is her father on the BC. So he wouldn't have the right to go up and see the child he gave birth to?!
The PR Act was changed in 2003.

Angel
Father himself can't even visit the baby in hospital without the mother's permission.

If you saw the Sunday paper headlines yesterday, a Man gave birth to his Daughter last week. He is her father on the BC. So he wouldn't have the right to go up and see the child he gave birth to?!
The PR Act was changed in 2003.

I think sometimes it can be very easy to overlook that the father might need some support at the birth. I KNOW it's all about the mum before anyone bites my head off but sometimes things don't go to plan and the birth can be stressful etc.