To not want anyone there whilst in hospital with DS?

[PayingMyWayYouSay]

Apart from DH of course.

I don't want MIL/SIL visiting whilst I'm there. It's against my wishes tbh. I want House visits only.

DH is a bit at me but that's how it is. I will be in quite a vulnerable position, regardless of how easy or not so my birth ends up.

I would 100% have my Mum there when DS is born but, she lives too far away, and she won't be able to straight away. She will also be visiting once we're home.

So basically, whatever a post partum woman wants, she gets. Right.

I know, fucking selfish cows believing that their loved ones would respect their wishes for 48hrs after giving birth. Where do they get such notions?

Women know your place. Once your baby is out, it's all about the dad and whatever extended family want.

'So basically, whatever a post partum woman wants, she gets.'

Well the alternative seems to be whatever the husband, MIL, other relatives want they get, even if it is at the expense of the post partum woman's wishes. Patients either have the final say in who visits or they don't and that includes the newborn who in hospital is attached to the mother. You can't allow others to have rights in this situation no matter how unfair it seems otherwise it's a slippery slope.

"Women know your place. Once your baby is out, it's all about the dad and whatever extended family want."

Oh don't be so fucking stupid.

"You can't allow others to have rights in this situation no matter how unfair it seems otherwise it's a slippery slope."

Not even the father??? Does the father have to ask permission to pick the baby up? Change a nappy? Sing a song? Take a picture?

Yes even the father. Or do you think ex partners who happen to be the father should be allowed to attend the hospital against the mother's wishes?

So basically, whatever a post partum woman wants, she gets. Right.

Yes. Absolutely. And?

"Or do you think ex partners who happen to be the father should be allowed to attend the hospital against the mother's wishes?"

No.

I am talking about loving committed fathers who might want to show their parents their baby.

Actually I am with BertrandRussell now, some of these patriarchy addled posts are completely missing the point.

Bert, why should a new mother put the wishes of the child's father before her own in the immediate aftermath of labour and childbirth?

. Once your baby is out, it's all about the dad and whatever extended family want

not according to MNetters.

Dione some of us like our husbands and care about what they might want too you know. We aren't all me me me.

Because if it is about something as utterly trivial as him wanting to take the baby out for five minutes to show his parents it would be bonkers not to.
And I hate this idea that women are the primary parent - it gives men such a get out. Men need to start parenting from day 1. And they shouldn't be expected to ask permission to do it.

Let's be realistic, it would never be five minutes would it?

It would be 'Everyone else is going in why can't we?' etc...

I am talking about loving committed fathers who might want to show their parents their baby

But a man can be a caring committed father but no longer in a relationship with the baby's mother.

I agree with you on the primary parenting role of men. But I also think that, if in the immediate aftermath of birth there is a completely insoluble issue that no amount of discussion and talking has managed to find a compromise over, then the wishes of the person in hospital after a physical trauma should edge out the wishes of the other person.

Not 'do what I say or fuck off'. But recognising that there may be some issues where the parents' wishes are mutually exclusive and on reasonably inconsequential issues such as 'shall the paternal grandparents meet the baby today or tomorrow', my view is that the birth giver should have the casting vote.

I'd also gently suggest that the idea that men can't start parenting from day 1 without being able to show their baby off to their parents is a little bizarre, and that an important part of my own parenting model is supporting my co-parent.

If my Dbrother suggested such a thing to my mother, she would carry the head clean off him. If my own son asked me to come to the hospital, against his DP's wishes, I would be very disappointed in him and refuse on the grounds that I have no desire to cause any woman who has just given birth unnecessary stress, never mind the mother of my grandchild.

You should change your name to The Voice of Reason, Jassy. :o

Yours are the most sensible on the thread.

Absolutely, Dione.

DH sent a quick text to MIL just after DS2 was born to let her know all was well and her first response was 'How is Weebo? Is she alright?'

As things turned out she got to see baby the next morning but if DH had of told her I needed a couple of days she wouldn't have batted an eyelid. That she would put me first means a lot.

You can't give other people rights as long as they are 'nice'. The only way to ensure women's safety and privacy aren't compromised is to ensure that they get the final say when they are the patient. I'm surprised at how feminism seems to go out the window when there is a MIL involved.

Back in the real world most women who have just given birth don't even think about who they do or don't allow to visit them and their new baby. In my experience anyway.

I have three sons. Chances are I will be a MIL one day. I hope never to be as rudely self entitled and twattish as to assume I have the right to insist that my wish to meet a grandchild trumps the mother of said grandchild's wish to have some peace in the immediate post birth period.
No one I didn't want to see tried to visit when my dc were newborns. But if they had, and DH had cared more about what they wanted than what I, the woman who had just grown and birthed his child and was exhausted and emotional and bleeding and lactating as a consequence, I would have been furious and disgusted with him.

Why would a woman want to prevent her husband showing his parents his new baby? Not forcing her to see them, but taking 5 minutes when she is busy with midwife or in the shower so not depriving her of any time with the baby to just show them? I can't think of a reason. I can think why she might not want visitors, I can think why she wouldn't want baby disappearing when she is wanting to feed or cuddle or change baby but when she is doing something else.

I was in for a week and I only had DH there, I didn't want visitors until I was home and settled

If a man has equal wishes with who visits, then who has deciding decision when there's a stalemate?

I would damn well hope it goes to the patient who has carried the baby for 9 months.

I am 39 weeks and I honestly can't believe some of the crap some of you are coming out with. When our first baby is born, I do not want any visitors. My DP completely respects that. I've read several times that it's an everyday event, women do it every day, blah blah... but for me it will be special, it will be new, exciting, terrifying, etc, and I want to have every moment of that without having to put my own selfishwants aside and placate everyone else and their fucking dog.

Visitors can wait a couple of days until we are home.