To not want anyone there whilst in hospital with DS?

[PayingMyWayYouSay]

Apart from DH of course.

I don't want MIL/SIL visiting whilst I'm there. It's against my wishes tbh. I want House visits only.

DH is a bit at me but that's how it is. I will be in quite a vulnerable position, regardless of how easy or not so my birth ends up.

I would 100% have my Mum there when DS is born but, she lives too far away, and she won't be able to straight away. She will also be visiting once we're home.

WonderLime, no one is insisting you have visitors. Why does that mean the baby can't have visitors, the father can't have visitors.

grannytomine where are they meant to visit exactly? Most hospitals don't have waiting rooms and we were told we weren't allowed to remove our ds from the ward until we were both discharged when we tried to go and stretch our legs by walking round the corridor with him.

grannytomine This is completely new to me and I don't know how I'm going to feel. I don't know how I'm going to feel being separated from him for the first 24/48 hours. And lets be honest, if DP's PILs were driving 200 miles to meet DGC, they certainly won't be staying for 5 minutes. Either I would have to entertain visitors too, or my baby would be taken away for longer than that.

Plus my baby won't give a damn who visits him - what difference will it make to him if his DGPs are at the hospital or not. I think my wishes exceed his.

If my DP wants visitors, he can take himself down to the cafe and meet them.

As for the DGPs - they didn't have any input in the baby making stage so their wishes come below mine.

wonder I didn't want my baby to be away from me for the first while at all. I rushed my showers etc. to minimise the time away. I certainly wouldn't have been happy with him being taken away from me to visit people. That's totally normal so don't be worried about your feelings.

I wonder why 48 hours is a better time. By that point the mother's hormones will be even more all over the place, baby blues will be kicking in, milk will be coming in, baby will likely be more unsettled as feeding is being established. If you feel overwhelmed after the birth you will probably feel even worse by day three. Better to have a short hospital visit when things are calmer in the first 24 hours.

Where would they visit, Granny?

Many maternity wards don't have waiting rooms. Mine certainly didn't.

Honestly, how stubborn would you have to be to choose a quick glance by the elevators over a lovely visit and home with everyone happy and settled?

I think women need to stop posting this question in AIBU. Maybe WWYD instead?

Plus I think it's impossible to say how you will feel until you have actually given birth because you could say categorically no visitors then when the time comes you might completely change your mind! Maybe instead of implementing a strict no visitors rule just let all the potential visitors know that you will let them know how you feel once the baby is born.

Many maternity wards to have a day room or visiting area but to be honest a chair in the corridor would be fine. I visited one of my GC for 5 minutes, I was going on a long journey so my son asked at hospital if I could just go in for 5 minutes. It was no drama and to be honest it was his first and he was excited for me to meet the baby but for me it was number 5 and I could have waited but he wanted me to see baby and DIL wasn't affected in any way. Mothers really don't hold babies non stop for 48 hrs.

My DIL is far too nice to refuse her husband's wish to show me the baby for 5 minutes. She does recognise it is his as well and he is very hands on, does baths and nappies the only thing he hasn't managed is breastfeeding so she has that all for herself.

Haven't rtft but your body your way. I only saw my mum. I'm a private person and, since I'd been carrying DS for 9 months and was gonna be pushing him out I chose. Treat like any other procedure where your tired vunerable and undignified ( old nightdress, bleeding randomly) . Not a circus. hope he listens but you can always inform midwives and they'll be your bodyguards!

None of the "Poor MIL and DH" advocates have responded to the many people asking whether they think their sons should also be subject to this fairsies logic in the event of them having major surgery and finding themselves catheterised, in pain, bleeding and exhausted in hospital. Should he not see his mum unless his wife's mother comes along too? After all his wife will be stressed with it all too, perhaps she would welcome her mum's support. Even though husband feels uncomfortable with someone who only knows him as a dressed, functioning, courteous adult, seeing him so physically and emotionally vulnerable.
Surely everyone would agree that such a stance was bizarre and awful. Forget the baby, it doesn't care whether it's held by a grandparent, the baby only wants to feed and sleep, it will keep until it's mother has recovered.
An issue for me and many others I'm sure, is that our relationship with our MILs, even though friendly, is more polite than our relationship with our own parents. As teenagers we will have said awful things and been a PITA and they still love us, they've washed vomit out of our hair when we rolled in pissed etc. If I broke down sobbing and told my mum to leave when she didn't psychically know that was what I wanted when my newborn woke and needed a feed, she'd be taken aback, leave, and soon get over it as would I. With my MIL I'd either not feel I could say anything and just sob, impotently, or say it and worry much more about damage to our relationship. Ditto if I growl "I AM fucking breathing! FFS" at my husband (their son who is trying so hard) during labour or whatever. It will be just the same for men and their mums/MILs, the fact that they don't take it in turns with women to give birth means yes, many mothers of sons won't have the same involvement with the birth and immediate post-partum of their grandchildren that some mothers of daughters have, but that's just the way it goes. The baby won't remember it. In the following days, weeks and years it's water under the bridge.

kaytee so where was baby while you were in the shower? If you husband had picked it up would that have caused a problem?

Ameliablue Perhaps, but I will be rested, fed, recovering and in my own house where I feel most comfortable.

grannytomine Maybe it really was 5 minutes for you, but realistically it won't be if DP's PILs have traveled 200 miles. And I don't want my baby taken off down a corridor for however long without me.

Luckily my DP doesn't have an urgent need to show off our baby and has already made it clear that PIL visits will wait (and they have not taken offence to that as they are not immediate family and can actually wait a couple of days without sulking about it).

Many maternity wards to have a day room or visiting area but to be honest a chair in the corridor would be fine

No day room at our hospital, no visiting area and chair in corridor wouldn't have been allowed.

I had both grandmothers visit at hospital but if I had said no and my dh tried to push it I would have been very upset with him.

The baby was with my husband and of course it wouldn't have caused a problem him holding him bit different to taking him away to visit people against my wishes though. Just as I wouldn't have taken him to visit anyone against my husbands wishes.

It wasn't an issue for us actually but I don't know why people insist on neglecting a new mothers feelings with regards to her infant and who visits both of them in the aftermath of childbirth.

I think Op, it's entirely your decision. I think there is a difference between being selfish and putting yourself first for very valid reasons, and this is the latter. Take care of you and enjoy those first few moments with your family. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you to create memories between your child and your MIL; a few days' delay won't change that!!

Yanbu, op. It's nothing to do with the baby, who has 'rights' to the baby, it's about your recovery for the birth. You must be the one to decide how that goes & who you feel comfortable with. I didn't want dh in the room when i was having stitches etc, i cetainly wouldn't have wanted either my mum or mil there. You be the one to decide when visiting is appropriate. Don't discuss it with mil/sil beforehand, you'll cause unecessary resentment. Be vague with them & clear with dh that he needs to support during the birth & afterwards.

I agree MissJC. MN is great in many ways but I also think it can put ideas in women's heads that don't necessarily need to be there - especially on how they might feel after giving birth. Some births are traumatic but thankfully the majority aren't.

Oh and by all means DO NOT LET ANYONE KNOW YOU'VE GONE INTO LABOUR!!! They can wait till baby's out safe and sound.else you'll be bombarded with texts and calls you do NOT need!
(WORK!)

Your DIL would have still been the same nice person if she had chosen to put her wishes first (had they been no visitors), Granny.

Op one bit of advice is that I felt worse 3 / 4 days after giving birth than I did the day after. I was still on an adrenaline buzz the next day. Day 3 my milk came in, the tiredness of expressing every 3 hours and trying to feed every 2 really kicked in and I basically sobbed all day.
Wait to see how you feel but don't let anyone bully you.
With my next baby I will again get the grandparents visits out the way in the hospital and possibly siblings if I'm not on the high dependency ward like last time (only 2 visitors at a time allowed) and then no visitors for a week or two to try and allow me to establish feeding.

I pity young men, their wishes count for nothing. It is hard to believe they can be equal parents now a days. The attitude of some on here is hard to understand all this about your recovery and how it will be affected by your MIL seeing your baby. I would love to know how it would have an adverse affect unless your MIL is a monster and then it is hard to understand why your husband would want her to meet the baby if she is a monster.

No-one other than the mother has a 'right' to be with the baby in the hospital. Any man, father or not, husband or not, is there as her BIRTH PARTNER or as a VISITOR. So no, he has no right whatsoever to have visitors of his own What a loving, caring relationship you must have.

Oh bore off granny