To not want anyone there whilst in hospital with DS?

[PayingMyWayYouSay]

Apart from DH of course.

I don't want MIL/SIL visiting whilst I'm there. It's against my wishes tbh. I want House visits only.

DH is a bit at me but that's how it is. I will be in quite a vulnerable position, regardless of how easy or not so my birth ends up.

I would 100% have my Mum there when DS is born but, she lives too far away, and she won't be able to straight away. She will also be visiting once we're home.

There was a "waiting room" area where I had mine because you were only allowed 3 visitors at a time-and some families needed somewhere for the other 427 to wait..............

Or they could just wait a couple of days.

That was in the post natal ward, not the actual labour ward.

I thought it was only in American sitcoms like Friends where a bajillion people sat about waiting. How horrible.

I don't think there was a waiting room, other than the main cafe bit all the way downstairs. I had a private room, though (just as standard) so no visiting hours either.

"Or they could just wait a couple of days."

WhT if the baby's father doesn't want to wait?

There is no waiting room outside the ward at my local maternity.

Why can't visitors respect the mother's wishes and leave it for a couple of days? Why can they not be nice and cordial and calm? Why is it the woman who has just given birth who has to immediately get straight back into putting her own wants asside and doing emotional wife work?

Sparklingbrook, they were the norm when husband's weren't allowed at the birth. When my DIL was in labour my son certainly went into the waiting room when she was visiting loo or wanted some time alone with midwife. I know because he sent some texts while sitting there. When I had an emergency section there was one as my husband sat there until they brought the baby to him. He then went to the ward with her, helped to bath her, dress her and give her cuddles. He later introduced us.

Well in the hospital environment, when the mother has just given birth, the baby's father will just have to wait. What if it was the woman's ex wanting to turn up, would that be ok? He's the baby's father. You don't give rights to anyone other than the patient in hospital.

WhT if the baby's father doesn't want to wait?

He will be disappointed. Immediately after the birth, while the mother is still an inpatient of the hospital, her needs and the baby's are paramount.

I'd be terribly surprised if the majority of family who would insist on trekking to the hospital to view a newborn despite the mother not wanting visitors for the first day or two would be satisfied with a quick five minutes, even if a waiting room existed. Meaning the baby and mother are separated in the immediate period after the birth, which we don't tend to do any more unless it's medically necessary. If the mother doesn't want that to happen, she should get the final say if there is an intractable disagreement. Just for this period, immediately after quite a significant physical event.

No waiting room at my hospital either.

Does this actually happen in the real world? The fathers parents being made to feel inferior and second best to that of the mothers parents?

The fathers parents being made to feel inferior and second best to that of the mothers parents?

How is having no visitors at the hospital doing that?

In this particularly scenario the Op said her mother would have been welcome to see the baby had she not lived so far away.

How can the in-laws be feeling inferior if there are no visitors? Are they mind readers?

Does this really happen in the real world? That the wants and needs of a new mother are overridden for selfish, impatient people?

Meaning the baby and mother are separated in the immediate period after the birth, which we don't tend to do any more unless it's medically necessary So baby is in the loo with mum, in the shower? I don't believe that happens, the umbilical cord has been cut.

"Well in the hospital environment, when the mother has just given birth, the baby's father will just have to wait."

"Mum and dad are just outside-while you're having your bath I'll just take Mabel out to say hello"

How would it be reasonable to say no to that?

Why would it be reasonable to say it 8n first place when the mother has previously made herself clear?

I actually can't believe how unreasonable some people have been towards you OP.
YANBU OP.

I've had 7 miscarriages, and a stillbirth. Once my DS was born he went straight to intensive care. I had a forceps delivery (almost ended in a c section), and was a little sore for the first day and said no visitors. The next day we invited everyone to come in small groups to meet our DS. He was in hospital for 2 weeks, so would have been a long wait for them all to meet him. They all respected our decision, of no visitors until we said, even MIL who isn't the most reasonable woman (especially to me).
I am currently pregnant, due in 1 month, and my DM or DSis will be having my DS whilst I'm in labour. So they will probably meet our new arrival before anyone else, as we will be collecting our DS from them or they will be dropping him back to us.
It is a special bonding time, and yes I want to be 'selfish' and have unlimited time with our new baby without people intruding and taking over. I did not get the chance before, with any of my pregnancies and I will make the most of it.

Why would a woman say no to that?

OP, you are totally entitled to say who visits you in hospital.

Any decent person will be chilled about that and delighted to meet your baby whenever.

(I am on baby number 3, and while I was keen to meet them, cannot see what the special magic is about a 1 day old baby compared to a 5 day old baby or indeed a 2 week old baby. They're not shitting gold for the first few days.)

In this particularly scenario the Op said her mother would have been welcome to see the baby had she not lived so far away.

To be fair, this is in the context of a very supportive mother and a MIL who called the baby's father a 'fucking idiot' on hearing of the pregnancy.

Some wounds are self-inflicted.

Why would visitors turn up knowing they weren't welcome? Why would the man not respect his post partum DP's wishes and deal with them without putting her on the spot? Is a pregnant woman tof be simply placated and then her wishes ignored once she has given birth?

No. A woman has the perfect right to say whether or not she wants to be visited and by whom. I just can't see why that extends to a man not being able to show his new baby to his parents if he wants to.

BertrandRussell of course what you say is reasonable. I think some people need to be Queen Bee and totally in control. The man is of no importance, his family is of no importance. As I said earlier next thing will be mum moaning that MIL favours SILs children as it is so unfair. What goes around comes around. Thank heavens my DILs are all so reasonable but then I expect in the real world most women are.

He can bring it up when the original conversation happens and discuss it then, just like the OP and her DP have, not just spring it on her as she recovers.