To not want anyone there whilst in hospital with DS?

[PayingMyWayYouSay]

Apart from DH of course.

I don't want MIL/SIL visiting whilst I'm there. It's against my wishes tbh. I want House visits only.

DH is a bit at me but that's how it is. I will be in quite a vulnerable position, regardless of how easy or not so my birth ends up.

I would 100% have my Mum there when DS is born but, she lives too far away, and she won't be able to straight away. She will also be visiting once we're home.

Separately, and it is a separate issue in my mind, this whole "my body my choice", "mother comes first", "mothers' needs trump all else" drama has just gone too far. Yes in the strict surgical/medical sense, but when it comes to ward access etc - it's really become laughable. I've been on mumsnet for many years now saying the same thing, and am happily finding that the tide seems to be turning back towards some sort of sensible (not remotely suggesting the two things are connected).

There's nothing inherently magical about childbirth (other than the science of reproduction, but 99.9% of the time women aren't thinking of that when in the throes of giving birth). It's really quite mundane and quotidian, by definition almost. Elevating it to such exalted levels of princess-dom does nobody any favors. Pregnancy and childbirth are unique things, requiring specific considerations from medical or surgical or mental health treatments relating to individuals outside of these circumstances. Likening a c section to an appendectomy is ridiculous and non-sensical - especially once the 'patient' is in the recovery ward and the child has been born.

Smit Sorry but I'm confused.

When I had a bursted stomach ulcer, no one wanted to visit me then (MIL side), and I was much more able in that state!

Childbirth is a huge thing.

But because a DGC is involved, what I want/need as a patient gets put aside, no one can even wait 48 hours?

Smitff you seem to have a very pragmatic and sensible and maybe even clinical approach to the whole thing. That obviously suits you and that's fine. I would never tell you that you were wrong.
However, other women may look at the same scenario with a more emotional view point. This doesn't make them a 'princess' and it doesn't make their views 'laughable' either.

Pengggwn - no, she shouldn't have visited you when your (or her) boobs were out. You, like every other person in the planet, were owed dignity. There's a difference between that and banning her entirely from the hospital. Also, she wasn't visiting you (I guess - mine certainly never was). She was visiting her DGC.

BlueandYou you have and are owed bodily autonomy and dignity. As above, MIL obviously wasn't visiting you, as was proven when your stomach ulcer bust and she was nowhere to be seen. She wanted to see her DGC.

It's not the case that a newborn has to be by its mother's side 24/7, for the entire duration of the hospital stay (putting aside cases of medical need, where clearly this doesn't apply). There's no harm in the father taking the baby to see its DGP for 30 mins away from the mother if the mother doesn't want to or can't be be seen. None at all. Do you disagree?

It's the fathers who need to step up here. No doting grandparent is in the wrong to want to see their grandchild desperately. No midwife or ward staff should have to police the doors. No woman who's just given birth should be worrying about this kind of thing.

It's not the case that a newborn has to be by its mother's side 24/7, for the entire duration of the hospital stay (putting aside cases of medical need, where clearly this doesn't apply). There's no harm in the father taking the baby to see its DGP for 30 mins away from the mother if the mother doesn't want to or can't be be seen. None at all. Do you disagree?

If anyone tried to take my newborns away from me in the early days I would've felt like stabbing them in the face.
I've had shitloads of babies and aren't precious in the least but a mother and newly delivered child are a dyad that evolution has designed to stick together.

To the QueensArse

Yes, we would all have felt that way. But we are all also (hopefully) also rational people who are capable of being rational and putting things into perspective. Conveniently, evolution has also allowed us to move on from the cave, where we and our children may well have been at the mercy of predators. We're talking about an NHS hospital here. And no, the MIL is not a predator in the same way.

Here are a couple more also's and rationals for good measure

Point being, our base instincts may well be to stay with our babies for as long as possible. But our base instincts - talking about evolution - may well also be to let the weakest in our tribes die of sickness and disease when that could be avoided; to murder female newborns when more male babies are required; to forage and hunt; to roam and make settlements wherever the pickings were rich.

What's so special about childbirth that the base instincts of a woman who's just given birth should be revered and given precedence over everything else, when that's not the case elsewhere in life?

The base instincts of the mother in the period straight after childbirth are there to help with things like establishing breastfeeding and bonding with the baby. Yes, women manage these things all the time without time alone with their baby, but I don't think you can write it off as unnecessary or princessy or an evolutionary relic... and why not get all the help you can to get things off to a good start?

There is something very wierd about this Mumsnet thing where somebody says "Why can't the baby's father take him/her out to the waiting room for 5 minutes to meet his parents" and it instantly becomes "OMG - you want my mil to be allowed to barge into my room while I have both my boobs out and demand to view my bloodstained vulva through opera glasses"

You have the right approach OP. Of course your wishes take precedent in a child birth situation. Like a pp said, MIL is there to see the baby, not you, a mother is there to see her daughter too. Totally different. Just stick with what you feel comfortable with.

I had no-one visit and it was bliss. I was in a right state and just wanted to recover.

Pastaposha - Stop beancounting. A child isn't a commodity to be perfectly and evenly split up between grandparents to stop one of them feeling slighted. There are other factors involved in a birth, the mother's health and wellbeing during and after the experience being a primary factor. It is one of those times in life when she may naturally feel more comfortable in her vulnerable state with her own mother over anyone else. AS OP has made clear anyway, her own DM isn't going to the hospital either.

Sometimes you just want your mum
For some of us Weebo our mums are sadly no longer with us. As I said before on this thread, I'd have struggled without mil's support after ds2 was born when I was looking after a three year old, a new born baby and juggling a 200 mile journey to be with ny mum as she died.

OP of course YANBU. If you wish to have peace and privacy following labour and childbirth then you should have it. It is nott your job to calm situations, be nice or ensure your DP "has support". I am at some of the posts here!

I didn't want visitors with my 2nd as I found it too much with my first. I explained this to DH and after a long time he eventually understood- stick to your instincts mine where right.

DH supported me, His family on the other hand (told at 3 months and consistently through pregnancy) just didn't care how I felt and on the day called to demand a visit- my DH husband was very angry at them, I was having my catheter checked at the time so was livid. We were was released a few days later and we called them straight away but they actually said they had plans for well the next few day s( visiting a relative who is 5 min from my door and a midwife/ they see her at least once a week).
They could not care less about the visit so why should i have to bleed out or piss in a bag in front of them when I could be bonding with the adorable DS.

Sorry about your mum, Kenneth.

It's sadly not possible for everyone to have/want theirs there but it shouldn't be something that causes offence to MIL's when daughters just want their mum after having a baby.

It's not something women should be made to feel guilty about.

Pengggwn - 😂😂😂

I'm 39 weeks with my first and feeing quite anxious about giving birth. The thought of my MIL coming in to meet her first DGC with her boobs out has just made me laugh out loud and wee a little bit

I pity the DIL/future DIL's of some of you. Getting all indignant at a scenario that is not even your own.