To not want anyone there whilst in hospital with DS?

[PayingMyWayYouSay]

Apart from DH of course.

I don't want MIL/SIL visiting whilst I'm there. It's against my wishes tbh. I want House visits only.

DH is a bit at me but that's how it is. I will be in quite a vulnerable position, regardless of how easy or not so my birth ends up.

I would 100% have my Mum there when DS is born but, she lives too far away, and she won't be able to straight away. She will also be visiting once we're home.

Thank you

Shesaid this is why DH and I have said we won't even tell anyone when I have gone in to Labour. If they don't know, they won't just turn up. Of course this is all well and good if you don't already have children and need childcare etc which I appreciate.

But then if they are looking after your other children they haven't got time to be sitting at the hospital. I looked after one of my GC when his sibling was born, I got a quick peek at the baby when I took him home and then left them to it and went home to put my feet up after a hectic 24 hrs with a lively 2 year old.

Respect goes both ways.

Unfortunately my DH doesn't see anything wrong with his mum coming in. The compromise IS family waiting in a waiting room.

I know, I know, he should take my feelings into consideration but he tells his mum everything and wouldn't be able to keep it from her that I'm in labour - there's nothing I can do about that.

Sorry, should have said that taking the baby out for 5 minutes might be the answer.

I get the whole respect both ways but when it comes down to it, I think the birthing persons wishes should trump that of anyone else.

Having MIL there won't be comfortable for me, and it's not what I want for quite a good few reasons.

MIL will be let down... because she has to wait a day or two to meet GC?

I don't think the two really compare

SheSaidHeSaid, it is hard, if the 5 minutes calms everyone down it might be the best thing. I hope you can work something out as it is such a shame if it overshadows the main event.

granny again, all this 'calming everyone down' stuff.

The only one who's needs should be taken care of indefinitely is the patient - the mother

When I had my children over 20 years ago you stayed in for one night for a first delivery or if you had had a difficult time . Second time mothers were out in 6 hours. I had CS 's had to stay in for longer. Evening visiting time was 90 minutes of joy, bustle and laughter with every mother having the allowed three people around the bed plus a few others who had just popped in for a look. I did it three times and remember the happiness of those visiting times. ( You didn't only get to see your own MIL but the persons in the bed next to yours!)Afterwards everyone was asked to leave except for dads and the whole ward was quiet. I have yet to have grandchildren so was wondering if it has all changed. Are hospitals places of emptiness and silence on maternity wards now at visiting time? .

But SheSaidHeSaid is the patient, she is entitled to handle it how she wants, she doesn't have to feel the same as you about how to resolve the issue. Lets face it her MIL probably wants to see the baby really so SheSaidHeSaid has a happy husband, MIL goes away, SheSaidHeSaid has a relaxing recovery. I think she is quite sensible. Of course you feel differently because you are upset your mum won't be there but that isn't her issue.

brownpurse, not everyone is like MN, my DILs were happy to have visitors but it is all a bit more "political" than years ago.

Agreed paying but, as said above, my MIL has a tendency to get hyped up and so she absolutely will need to be calmed down. It won't be considered by her that her excitedness is actually not what I will want.

I'd like to be able to tell the hospital to make sure I don't have any visitors without my saying so but don't know whether this is possible. Happy for them to lie and say it's their decision for no visitors if it gives me an easy life!!

SheSaidHeSaid I've had midwives tell people they can't stay so I'm sure they will if you ask.

Pengggwn how does that work? I've never seen them checking who people are visiting? As I said I've had midwives telling people they need to go as I needed to rest but not stopping people coming on the ward. I suppose it is different if you are in a single room. I was always on a ward where there was just a stampede when the door was opened.

Oh good!! That gives me some peace of mind.

I'm very sorry for your losses OP and wish you all the very best for the upcoming delivery.

With the best of intentions, stinginess is very unbecoming, magnanimity is beautiful. The birth of your child, after everything you've gone through, will be such a joyous and glorious event. Don't let sour, bitter self-interest spoil it. Try to be open hearted. I would imagine the reason your MIL would want to see the baby is because she too would be full of joy. Isn't that - somebody's joy - something to be happy about?

If, however, you think she will turn up and say something to spoil your euphoria or joy, by all means ban her. But then, what will you do when she does the same in your home (presumably more likely given she will have had to stew/seethe for a few days)? What will have changed? Will you ban her from there too? What are you hoping to achieve?

Taking a step like this is a one-way street. You won't ever get this back and neither will she. You may be fine with that - but think of the ramifications for your DH and your DS and possible other D.C. If you're all fine with it - go ahead. But I do think that a day or two here or there, for you as much as for her, really won't change anything. Don't be so petty as to say "well if it's bad for me and for her let her suffer". Leave that to her.

When I visited DIL the doors were locked but when visiting time started they just opened the doors. I get the asking people to leave, just wondered about policing who comes in. They certainly didn't at the hospital where I was visiting but they did come and ask people to leave, don't know if mothers' had asked as it was when there were lots round the bed so might just have been because they were breaking the rules, I think it was 3 to a bed and the bed next to DIL had about 8 and were very noisy.