Not to cover my legs?

[Rriot]

I have a few events coming up over the next month or so where I'll need to wear a dress. I have recently (a few weeks ago) self harmed by cutting the outside of my leg, just below the knee. There are seven marks, which have healed but not faded and so are still quite raised and purple-ish. There is no way to pass them off as an accident- they are too uniform and it is obvious they have been inflicted deliberately.

I have a maxi dress I might be able to wear for one of the occasions but it will be way over the top for the others. I can't find a mid- length dress that will definitely cover them. I have considered make-up but I think that would draw more attention if it rubbed off on clothes etc and I'd be paranoid about this happening all evening.

I have other scars which are visible on my arms, I don't bother to hide these but they are years old and very pale so not as noticeable.

Would it make other people uncomfortable to see such obvious evidence of self harm not covered up? I'm not sure how confident I feel about it myself but I feel I shouldn't have to hide myself away because I have a mental illness. I have had people ask me about scars before in a matter of fact and tactful way and I've been able to answer/ have a conversation without coming away feeling ashamed but I worry that these are way more prominent and there will be family members/ friends at the events who are more likely to comment than relative strangers.

I'd like to just wear a midi length frock, maybe with some flesh coloured tights to cover a little, I'd feel very self conscious wearing a maxi dress when it would be clearly out of place for the occassion and I'm never comfortable in trousers.

Any thoughts/ advice? Is it unreasonable to leave my scars on show if it will make people uncomfortable?

Sally Hansen airbrush legs covers pretty much anything and never rubs off on clothes. It also makes legs look fabulous!

That's not to say that you can't show your scars but why draw attention to something so personal at an event like that when you don't have to?

You think that it's obvious they are caused by self harm but many people will ask about them, not knowing they are.

Other people's 'discomfort' doesn't really matter if that's what you're asking. But are you comfortable with it? That's the important thing. And prepared for some people to ask?

Dark tights?

I'd try a cover up (depending on nature of the events? Are they the right time / place to open a discourse about your self harming?)

If your cuts are properly healed, and you feel ok with dealing with possible reactions then I wouldn't worry too much - most people won't notice, esp if you're wearing tights - although you might get a bit hot!!

How would you feel about the following:

"What are those?"
"Ooh, how did that happen?"
"What on earth happened to your knee"
""
" are you ok?"

If you're cool with that (or other reactions) and won't find it distressing then don't sweat it.

Forgive me if I misread, but you don't sound bothered about covering, and almost a little defiant about the possibility of pressure to do so?

I would notice. I would care that you were perhaps struggling with MH issues. I wouldn't be repulsed in any way. I wouldn't feel like you should be protecting the apparent sensitivities of others by covering up. I would never ask you about them. I would never share my observation with others.

Fuck it, do what makes you feel right about them.

Same opinion as MrsT, I wouldn't worry about other people's opinions, as long as you are ok with the possibility of some of the asking about it / staring (hopefully not, but just be prepared, maybe have an anwer ready)

You wear what you want. It's not as if you'll be displaying something offensive, like a swastika tattoo.

Your legs, your mental health, your self-confidence. If they feel uncomfortable about your body - that's their problem, not yours.

Legs are lower than most people look. I doubt most people would even identify them as self-harm scars. Anyone who did, probably wouldn't say anything. Anyone else is likely to assume an accident with a garden tool or some such thing.

just chuck on a plaster and say you walked into the end of the bed?

If you're confident enough to show them, do it. My DD self harmed when she was younger and she bares her scars all summer now. She gets questions but faces them bravely and I'm proud of her for not hiding her scars.

It's not unreasonable to show scars. Like you said, you shouldn't have to censor your body, it's to do with your mental health and you should NOT be ashamed.

I may have a different perspective from others after dealing with self harm with my own child, however as far as I am concerned, if you want to show your scars you should be able too.

It would be great if you could do so without being uncomfortable.

And although these scars are no doubt from a place of pain and anguish, they are a part of you all the same. You don't have to hide them.

Quite frankly it's no ones business- I'd find it quite rude to ask someone why they have a scar. Especially if it looks self inflicted.

More importantly, are you getting help? I'm sorry if you're having a rough time mentally I've seen my DD go through dealing with self harm and she struggles a lot. I imagine it is extremely hard for you as well.

It wouldn't make me feel uncomfortable seeing someone else's scars. I'd wear what you're comfortable in. I have scars on my legs from skin cancer and from eczema and it's only this year that I've felt comfortable showing my legs, but I feel better for doing so (and less sweaty because I no longer have thick tights on!) and nobody has commented or seemed to notice. I know your scars are from a different medical condition, but if anyone did ask about them (which I'm not sure they would anyway - they'd either guess they were from self harm and wouldn't ask or they might ask if they thought them unusual) you have a choice of either telling them the truth or saying something vague and changing the subject, whichever you feel most comfortable with.

I don't tend to look at people's legs, are people likely to notice? Maybe I'm in a world of my own. Enjoy the events and do what feels comfortable to you.

I don't think YABU. It wouldn't make me uncomfortable,but if we were close i would ask if you're ok/you wanna talk/ I can help.

I'd probably assume you'd had surgery. Self harm wouldn't occur to me. Either way, I'd have better manners than to mention it.
The most important thing is for you to feel comfortable and confident. If you want to use a spray to cover it up, go for it. If not, just front it out. Unless you are fidgeting with your scars or obviously tweaking your dress to cover them, most people will probably not even notice.

Do what you feel comfortable with and don't worry about what other people think. I have visible self-harm scars on both arms, and although they are many years old now they are still quite noticeable (especially in the summer, as they don't tan). Only once in the last twenty years has anyone ever commented on them, and that was a small child who was genuinely curious. To be honest, I think most adults will either not notice or will have the common sense to realise it's none of their business and not comment.

Do what makes you feel comfortable. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about it, same as anything else on your body. Your body is your body.
I personally cover my old self harm scars because that's how I'm comfortable at the moment. I'm hoping to be less self conscious as the time passes. If someone else has the confidence to not cover up I'm all for it. Nobody should be ashamed of struggling.

Thanks for your perspective everyone.

Personally, I don't think I'm uncomfortable showing them at all. I generally don't have this problem as I wear leggings at home and cargo trousers for work. I don't often go to events where I'm going to be dressed up. I wouldn't necessarily say I'm defiant of it from my own point of view, but I certainly don't feel that others should cover their bodies to save face for other people. I'm just trying to work out where the line is for me.

If I was asked outright I wouldn't take offence or anything but I suppose I'd feel a bit odd giving someone I'm not that close to a straight answer for fear of making the situation really uncomfortable for all involved.

I don't bother about the ones on my arms- I used to cover them when they were new but they have been there for years now and are just part of me, I'd need to live in long sleeves otherwise.

I could wear dark tights but as it's summer I think that will look a bit daft- I actually think I'd stick out more with a wintery looking outfit on than I would if I just brazen it out.

I remember my sister wore a short dress with bear legs to go out with friends, she has very faded self harm scars at the tops of her legs and my mother raised her eyebrows at me about it when my sister wasn't looking and I do wonder if others will think I'm attention seeking or inappropriate.

I don't really want to go down the route of fake tan or anything but if there was a makeup that would at least tone them down a bit that might be my best option. To be honest, I've come a long way in the past year or so- lost alot of weight and although my self esteem is still generally pretty crap, I feel more "me" and am looking forward to wearing something that I like for what it is and not purely because it will cover my scars up.

I would have to stick several plasters on if I went down that route and that would look completely daft and probably draw even more attention to it thatn anything else.

And thankyou for the FlourSour I am getting help and things are improving. I have been going through this since I was a teen, I hope things get easier for your DD soon, I'm glad she has the confidence not to let her scars stop her from being herself.

That's not to say that you can't show your scars but why draw attention to something so personal at an event like that when you don't have to?
That would be my view on it.

I would notice them but I would never comment on them. Equally, if it were me and I thought they were highly noticeable recent wounds (rather than historic scars) I would probably cover them up. Why unnecessarily draw attention to them if there is an easy way not to?

I'm not sure how confident I feel about it myself but I feel I shouldn't have to hide myself away because I have a mental illness.

This seems like the key line in your post. Unless I felt very comfortable and confident displaying scars, I don't think I'd do it. Only you know if it's going to ruin the occasion for you worrying about it.

I can't think of an occasion that wear it wouldn't be suitable to cover my legs...do you want people to see the scars?

I have psoriasis, as as such have varying degrees of patches of red, sore looking skin at any given time. In a good way at the moment, so just my elbows, one knee and a patch on the top of my foot. Someone at work saw my foot (it was hot and I was wearing sandals) and commented on it, in a rude manner but she's a cow anyway and I avoid her as much as possible and brought it to the attention of others. I brazened it out and said flatly, with a stone face, 'it's psoriasis, it's not contagious' and held her gaze bitch soon backed down Now, I've had this for 20 years, I've done my time of hiding under long sleeves/trousers in the sunshine and sweating my arse off, so fuck it, I won't hide now. My point, yes I got there eventually, was that most people won't comment. I wouldn't, but would probably notice and quietly make a mental note to check in with you later if we had that sort of relationship, but there's always some stupid cow someone who'll make a big deal of it. If you're ok with that then wear what you like. If you choose to use some make up to cover up that's totally ok too. Do what's going to make you feel the least defensive and on edge.
Hope you're ok

Like you I have faded scars on my arms (which are noticeable but are silvery white now so don't 'shout') which I don't care about people seeing and I wear shorts sleeves all the time now.

However, also like you, I have more recent scars on my legs, that even though are now quite a few months old, are still purpley red and angry looking. Although I generally am not afraid of talking about my mental health and happy to talk about self harm to anyone who asks (sensibly and genuinely), I have covered up all this summer. I'm not exactly sure why. I'm not ashamed. I think I'm just aware of how obvious they are (I have pale legs so they really do stand out), they WILL be noticed and I don't feel ready to talk about them yet maybe (life is quite stressful still ATM). I will probably feel differently next summer.

If you feel comfortable answering the inevitable questions, then wear whatever you like and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Sushi the OP has explained that in some detail.

She's also explained the type of dress.

Which bit wasn't clear to you?

My GP thought I was self-harming when it was cat scratches. Wear what you feel like, I would.