Not to cover my legs?

[Rriot]

I have a few events coming up over the next month or so where I'll need to wear a dress. I have recently (a few weeks ago) self harmed by cutting the outside of my leg, just below the knee. There are seven marks, which have healed but not faded and so are still quite raised and purple-ish. There is no way to pass them off as an accident- they are too uniform and it is obvious they have been inflicted deliberately.

I have a maxi dress I might be able to wear for one of the occasions but it will be way over the top for the others. I can't find a mid- length dress that will definitely cover them. I have considered make-up but I think that would draw more attention if it rubbed off on clothes etc and I'd be paranoid about this happening all evening.

I have other scars which are visible on my arms, I don't bother to hide these but they are years old and very pale so not as noticeable.

Would it make other people uncomfortable to see such obvious evidence of self harm not covered up? I'm not sure how confident I feel about it myself but I feel I shouldn't have to hide myself away because I have a mental illness. I have had people ask me about scars before in a matter of fact and tactful way and I've been able to answer/ have a conversation without coming away feeling ashamed but I worry that these are way more prominent and there will be family members/ friends at the events who are more likely to comment than relative strangers.

I'd like to just wear a midi length frock, maybe with some flesh coloured tights to cover a little, I'd feel very self conscious wearing a maxi dress when it would be clearly out of place for the occassion and I'm never comfortable in trousers.

Any thoughts/ advice? Is it unreasonable to leave my scars on show if it will make people uncomfortable?

Those dresses are beautiful, I wish I was the shape to be able to wear something like them. Op, I understand you maybe not wanting to hide your scars, and you shouldn't have to, but if you decide you do want to then there is a foundation / concealer called Dermacol which you can buy on ebay. It's cheap but really effective, it covers anything. Look on YouTube, there's loads of videos of people covering tattoos, scars etc.

If you're looking for make up, I'd recommend the following to cover scar tissue:

1. A reasonably thick coat of foundation (Revlon do good foundation with decent coverage which isn't too expensive)
2. Face powder to set it
3. Hairspray to further fix it

A green concealer under the foundation will cancel out any red/purple tones.

I feel for you - these situations aren't easy.

I think that even though you think they're obviously self-harm scars, they sound to me like they also resemble "weird accident" scars. In which case people who would never dream of asking about self-harming or anything that was obviously sensitive or serious might ask you about them; expecting a harmless ice-breaking anecdote about a bizarre cooking mishap. That's strictly speaking rude behaviour but nine times out of ten it would be harmless.

So you absolutely shouldn't need to cover up to save other people's feelings, but you do need to think how you'd respond to enquiries from a small child, or a well-meaning but nosy/chatty adult. If you have responses that you're comfy with, and you don't think that such enquiries and your answers would ruin the day for you or anyone else, then go for it. If you're not sure then you've had lots of good advice on makeup and I'm sure S&B can find you the perfect midi.

Thankyou everyone for all your honest responses. It's good to hear that most people wouldn't take much notice/ make any prying comments- I think my biggest worry is ending up in an uncomfortable situation.

It's hard to explain why as I certainly don't feel ashamed or like I have to hide any more, but I am aware that there is a bit of a stigma still attached and whilst I do feel that needs to be challenged, I'm not sure if someone else's wedding/ party is the place to start doing so.

That said, I think I'd be happiest not covering them and just having a tactful and succinct reply that will let people know I'm fine without lying to them but not inviting a lengthy discussion at the time. Obviously with children I'd embellish that a little so as not to overstep any boundaries.

If someone says "Oh, what happened to your leg?" is it ok to reply with "Sometimes when I'm struggling, I hurt myself, but I'm ok" or is there a less blunt way of putting it?

Btw the opposite of covering up is not attention seeking. Just sayin'

op
I'd just say 'just injured it and hurts like hell/It looks worse than it is'

Actually Maisy that's a good way of putting it. A bit less "in your face" but not an outright lie- thanks!

Rriot, I don't understand how you think dressings would ruin the look of your dress but self made cuts wouldn't!
I'm sorry if I sound insensitive, but I really think you should cover them up. You may not feel comfortable in clothing that does cover them, but at least you won't be a gossipy talking point, cos whether you like it or not, that is likely to happen if they are on display.

So OP should be uncomfortable to stop gossipy people and being a talking point?
Where should it stop? What if they gossip about the bandage and supposed injury? What if they make speculations about self harm if they have a vague idea about it?
What if they wonder why OP is all covered up when it's not her style? What is she hiding?

Maybe OP should just stay at home? God forbid people talk.

Oh ffs, other people's opinions do matter whether you want them to or not, otherwise mumsnet would be redundant and the OP would never have asked the question!

Sushi, I really don't get your point.
The scars, marks etc on other people's bodies and their provenance are none of my damn business, whether I notice them or not, and surely making them a gossipy talking point says immeasurably more about the people who do this than about OP?

You are right hetero, it's still gonna happen though!

People will think it's attention seeking because they don't understand why someone would do that and then 'show it off' to other people if that person didn't want to draw attention to it. They think visible injuries = attention seeking because of course that kind of thing should be hidden away. Not hiding it normalizes it, doesn't it? What about the teens that will see it and assume that if you're doing it it's OK to do it? How can you possibly feel so comfortable with your illness that you're OK with flaunting the symptoms to anyone and everyone without even caring about how it might make them feel.

Interesting, isn't it, that some people reading my above paragraph will agree with it entirely when it applies to someone with self harm scars, but that they would think of me as cruel and heartless if I was talking about someone asking whether or not they should hide their broken arm, insulin pump, stoma bag, surgical scars....

(In case it's not obvious, I'm making a point and don't believe what I wrote in para 1. OP, you do whatever makes you comfortable in your body.)

@thebigbluedustbin good thing I kept reading after the first paragraph