Not to cover my legs?

[Rriot]

I have a few events coming up over the next month or so where I'll need to wear a dress. I have recently (a few weeks ago) self harmed by cutting the outside of my leg, just below the knee. There are seven marks, which have healed but not faded and so are still quite raised and purple-ish. There is no way to pass them off as an accident- they are too uniform and it is obvious they have been inflicted deliberately.

I have a maxi dress I might be able to wear for one of the occasions but it will be way over the top for the others. I can't find a mid- length dress that will definitely cover them. I have considered make-up but I think that would draw more attention if it rubbed off on clothes etc and I'd be paranoid about this happening all evening.

I have other scars which are visible on my arms, I don't bother to hide these but they are years old and very pale so not as noticeable.

Would it make other people uncomfortable to see such obvious evidence of self harm not covered up? I'm not sure how confident I feel about it myself but I feel I shouldn't have to hide myself away because I have a mental illness. I have had people ask me about scars before in a matter of fact and tactful way and I've been able to answer/ have a conversation without coming away feeling ashamed but I worry that these are way more prominent and there will be family members/ friends at the events who are more likely to comment than relative strangers.

I'd like to just wear a midi length frock, maybe with some flesh coloured tights to cover a little, I'd feel very self conscious wearing a maxi dress when it would be clearly out of place for the occassion and I'm never comfortable in trousers.

Any thoughts/ advice? Is it unreasonable to leave my scars on show if it will make people uncomfortable?

If you feel comfortable, that's all that matters. Wear the dress and don't worry what others think.

If you prefer to cover them, how about a dress that finishes mid-calf or has a semi transparent lower part? I sometimes cover my legs if I have shaving nicks or sunburn.

I realise OP has issues and self harms.

However, I wonder why she is asking us about dresses that will expose such evidence of self harm? I have no idea. But could be part of her journey to good health.

I am sorry to say it, but if I had scars that would be noticed the first thing I would do is hide them.

I don't know why exposing them and inviting looks, stares and possibly derogatory comments is in any way good for OP.

But I obviously know nothing about how these things work.

There are lovely silky floaty very fashionable trousers out there with a great top would be fab.

But maybe being noticed is what OP wants. Sorry about saying that, I can't help it, because if there was no intention to be noticed, she would not have invited comment either.

she would not have invited comment either.

She's not inviting comment. My 5 year old knows that you don't make personal comments about people's bodies. Grown ups should be able to manage it.

Smile,

I know this should be the way, but it is not.

You just have to look at all the posts about the best make up, how to cover up my spider veins and blotches and all the rest of it. It is normal to NOT want to stand out for comment.

People will comment though, even if it is behind their fan so to speak.

So there we have it. Look fab, do your best, and don't expose yourself to comment. Why would you really when there are ways of not having to do that? Why.

If you are determined to go ahead, no need to ask is there.

So there we have it. Look fab, do your best, and don't expose yourself to comment. Why would you really when there are ways of not having to do that? Why.

Or

Be confident in yourself and don't give one single fuck about anyone who has an opinion about your body.

It depends on how the OP really feels about this.

@OP - do you want to wear a midi dress because you are uncomfortable showing your scars or simply because you worry about what others think?

If the former, then there are lots of midi dresses on the Boohoo site that are varying lengths and styles. For example, this one is quite casual but could be dressed up and looks nice and cool for the warmer weather.

www.boohoo.com/mallory-chiffon-ruffle-floral-print-midi-dress/DZZ58895.html?color=105

If it's the latter (worrying about what others think) then I'd say where what you want, whatever the length.

Smile,

if OP did not give a fk, she would not be asking for opinions here would she.

Most people want to blend in and look great. That is possible without drawing attention to recent raised and obvious self harming scars, as OP has mentioned.

I'm just suggesting an alternative to "look great and blend in" Soda

I hate, hate, hate people judging other people's bodies, for whatever reason.
I hate that our society promotes a ridiculous "normal" and that anything outside that is open season for comment and judgement.

I also hate that then it is suggested that people blend in rather than perhaps it being suggested tvT Judgey McJudgeypant shuts the fuck up.

Could you perhaps find one of those dresses that has a solid liner that comes to just above the knee/sleeveless and then a lace overlay dress that comes to just below the knee/short or midi sleeves? Then it would hide a bit more but you'd still clearly be wearing a cocktail length dress rather than a maxi one.

There's no intention to be noticed. A person who has scars or marks on their skin from injury or illness might cover them if they were self conscious about their appearance, but they shouldn't have to. I don't think they would be accused of trying to draw attention to themselves if they chose not to cover up.

However there I feel like there is still more of a stigma attached to self-harm and I'm trying to glean whether it will be shocking/ a big deal to others and if I'd make things awkward by not covering my more obvious scars.

I can't decide how I feel about it. On one hand I think if I was judged/gossiped about/accused of attention seeking then that says more about the people doing it than it does me. I'm also wary that instead of coming to me with questions people may bring it up with my family later which would be unpleasant for them.

To answer some other points;

I have a nice maxi dress that would be fine for one of the events, but certainly far too dressy for the others.

I don't like wearing trousers, I've yet to find any that flatter my shape.

My scars are on the outside of my leg, they go down to just above mid-calf level so a mid- calf dress would probably do the job.

If I do decide to cover my legs, I expect I will go down the route of make up or flesh coloured tights as opposed to wearing trousers or black tights which I'd be really uncomfortable in. Ive lost weight recently and part of the reason Im looking for advice on here is so that I can find a way to wear outfits I actually like instead of swapping covering flab for covering something else with clothes im unhappy with.

Thanks so much everyone who has posted and been honest, its good to get a range of opinions, thats exactly what Im looking for.

to those having similar issues and thanks for sharing your stories.

If you feel comfortable wearing clothes that show scars wear them. You don't have to hide yourself from other peoples ignorance!
Hope you are getting the support you need OP.

Most of the dresses I've found that I like are knee length and wouldn't cover them at all.

I'm at the stage where I'd like to just pick a dress I love because it looks pretty on and is suitable for the occassion now that I don't feel as self conscious about my weight.

What I'm trying to ascertain is if it will end up drawing alot of attention and making me or others around me very uncomfortable if I pick up on it.

As someone with a family member with self harm scars, we've (wider family) always encouraged them to be comfortable in their own skin.

I have eczema and sometimes I choose to cover it and other times I don't - same for the laparotomy scar on my stomach. I sometimes wear a one piece but it never stops me putting on a bikini if I want to.

As long as you are comfortable with any questions you might get them frankly I think it's a good thing for people to see a variety of different bodies/scars/skin issues.

We can't predict that lovely . You know your family/friends better. There could always be one twat that comments. Will you cope with that? Can you brazen it out? Only you know that.

The best solution would be to do some research into the covering makeup and buy some of that,experiment before the event etc. Then decide on the day.

Post a picture of one of the dresses you like!!

If you would like to cover them using make up MAC do a face and body foundation which may work

The scars wouldn't make me uncomfortable, but it would make me wary of getting into an in-depth conversation with you. Simple because I have/have had enough MH in my life and I simply do not have head room for any more.
Personally I'd cover them up, but if you don't want to don't.
It's impossible to guess at the reactions of the people that will be present though.

if it will end up drawing alot of attention and making me or others around me very uncomfortable if I pick up on it.
Well if it draws alot of attention it certainly has the potential to make you/those that care for you anxious or uncomfortable. Your reaction in that situation would have a big impact on others.
That could be alot of pressure for you? Or you might be ok with it? Can you talk to the person/people you are going with about it?

I'm out at the moment but I'll post a couple of dresses I've looked at when i get home

The events will be a mix of close and distant family as well as people I don't know at all so it's hard to anticipate reaction really. I wont necessarily feel self conscious about how they look if on show- I'm past caring in that respect. It's more the possible whispering/ comments that might feel awkward.

Close friend has recommended dermablend if I want to go down the make-up route?

The "pressure" to cover up does make me annoyed I'm afraid.

There are many people who have conditions and/or scaring that's impossible to hide.

To my mind self harm scars are no different. If someone chooses to cover them, fine. However I don't think anyone should feel they have to, to protect the sensibilities of others people.

If people find the scar from my breastbone to below my navel unsightly then fine, don't look. I'm not waving my belly in your face in the same way I don't expect the OP is going to be putting her legs centre stage with a neon sign saying look here!

OP it's up to you and what will make you feel good wearing. Better a shorter dress that suits your figure than one that hides your legs and makes you look less than your best.

If you do want to cover your scars then I can recommend dermacol - available on amazon.

It's about £20 and waterproof and covers pretty much anything. A small tube lasts for ages - you need such a tiny bit as it's so pigmented. Once it's set, it also won't rub off on clothes etc.

However I don't think you have to cover them - it's just an option if you would feel more comfortable doing so.

I got a special type of make up on presciption for my SH scars, its called Veil. Waterproof, smudge proof and lasts all day. Make sure you order aleast 2 colour correctors and 2 skin shades so you can get the perfect shade, also use baby powder and a damp sponge to set.

Here's two of the dresses I've looked at. Not sure about the sleeves on the pink one but I love the colour. Not keen on the second one being strapless but I could wear a shrug with it and brighten it up with a silver belt?

Thanks so much for the tips EastMids I'll remember that if I do order some make up. I think that's looking like the most likely solution really, DP has said he thinks I should wear whatever I like and not worry so much about other people.

Oops, forgot to attach pics. Here they are!