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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to cover my legs?

114 replies

Rriot · 09/07/2017 16:46

I have a few events coming up over the next month or so where I'll need to wear a dress. I have recently (a few weeks ago) self harmed by cutting the outside of my leg, just below the knee. There are seven marks, which have healed but not faded and so are still quite raised and purple-ish. There is no way to pass them off as an accident- they are too uniform and it is obvious they have been inflicted deliberately.

I have a maxi dress I might be able to wear for one of the occasions but it will be way over the top for the others. I can't find a mid- length dress that will definitely cover them. I have considered make-up but I think that would draw more attention if it rubbed off on clothes etc and I'd be paranoid about this happening all evening.

I have other scars which are visible on my arms, I don't bother to hide these but they are years old and very pale so not as noticeable.

Would it make other people uncomfortable to see such obvious evidence of self harm not covered up? I'm not sure how confident I feel about it myself but I feel I shouldn't have to hide myself away because I have a mental illness. I have had people ask me about scars before in a matter of fact and tactful way and I've been able to answer/ have a conversation without coming away feeling ashamed but I worry that these are way more prominent and there will be family members/ friends at the events who are more likely to comment than relative strangers.

I'd like to just wear a midi length frock, maybe with some flesh coloured tights to cover a little, I'd feel very self conscious wearing a maxi dress when it would be clearly out of place for the occassion and I'm never comfortable in trousers.

Any thoughts/ advice? Is it unreasonable to leave my scars on show if it will make people uncomfortable?

OP posts:
Original poster
Rriot · 09/07/2017 17:30

It's not that it's unsuitable to cover my legs Sushi- I'm sure I could find plenty of nice trousers to wear, or wear dark tights but then I'd just be moving the discomfort about my scars to wearing an outfit I don't like.

I don't want people to see the scars, I'm not attention seeking.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 09/07/2017 17:30

I think it is extremely rude to comment about scars, cuts and grazes - the person who has them knows they are there. So anyone who does comment isn't worth your time.

vikingprincess81 · 09/07/2017 17:32

Cross posted with you OP. You're not sure where your line is - that's ok.
What if you do bare legged but take tights with you? If it's getting too difficult, or you're getting unwanted attention you can nip to the loo and put them on?
Fuck anyone who says or thinks you're attention seeking though - their opinion of you is none of your business I'm old but it took a long time to learn to truly believe that

RebelRogue · 09/07/2017 17:38

It's entirely up to you and what you will be comfortable with. No one here can predict how you will feel on the day,how your friends and family will react or how self conscious you might be.. If you do want to cover them up,what about a midi dress(depending on how low the cuts are) or the camouflage makeup(that hides tattoos and scars)?

pigeondujour · 09/07/2017 17:40

I'd stick a bit of foundation on them if you want to cover them at all. Black tights would be both uncomfortable and much more conspicuous-looking, I think.

zzzzz · 09/07/2017 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaptainBrickbeard · 09/07/2017 17:43

Nude fishnets are cool and comfortable and kind of airbrush your legs - I have some purple spider veins that just disappear under them. They won't make you too hot or look out of place with a summery dress either.

SleepingTiger · 09/07/2017 17:43

Professional make-up artist for filming. Loads in London, Bristol and Manchester.

Tattoo.

Just be yourself.

RebelRogue · 09/07/2017 17:45

because if it did cause attention then you would be upstageing the person the party was for.

Fucking hell,soon people won't be allowed to breathe,in case they upstage "the person who the party is for".

LaMontser · 09/07/2017 17:46

I was going to suggest nude fishnets too. Great for the summer/spring when bare legs not a goer. I get mine from next or marks.

Sushi123 · 09/07/2017 17:46

Has she smileeachday?
I don't show my legs and can find a maxi dress for any occasion ...casual or formal...never an issue

BigDamnHero · 09/07/2017 17:47

I went to my brother's wedding a couple of weeks ago. My youngest sister (16) was in a dress that showed her self harm scars (all over her arms and legs).

I was so bloody proud of her and she looked amazing. I don't think anyone asked her about the scars.

SmileEachDay · 09/07/2017 17:53

I don't show my legs and can find a maxi dress for any occasion ...casual or formal...never an issue

You can, for your personal style. The OP finds maxi dresses too much and wouldn't feel comfortable.

So yes, she has explained it.

sadsquid · 09/07/2017 17:55

I hate the idea that simply not hiding something equals drawing attention to it. If it's OK to have bare legs, it's OK for anyone to have bare legs, whatever those legs look like. That's not jumping up and down going LOOK AT MEEEE, it's putting an appropriate outfit on a body, and there's no such thing as an inappropriate body.

Even at a wedding, to be honest. I don't think you can upstage the bride and groom just by having a certain physical feature. If anybody considered that more interesting than the marriage taking place, their priorities are seriously bloody skewed.

You do what feels most comfortable to you, OP;

PrettyGoodLife · 09/07/2017 17:57

I am not sure if this says more about me than the situation, but being very clumsy and naive it would not cross my mind to look at scar or consider they were from self harm! I always notice smiles not legs.
I hope you are feeling better!

GabsAlot · 09/07/2017 17:59

sorry if explained why do u have to wear a dress is it on of thos black tie dinners

still nowhere should make you wear anything

MusicForTheJiltedGeneration · 09/07/2017 18:05

Would this length cover the scars?

www.boohoo.com/lucy-rose-print-sleeveless-midi-dress/DZZ50625.html?color=144

Summerswallow · 09/07/2017 18:06

Marks do nude 8 (or something very low) cool low denier tights with open toes if you have sandals. They honestly smooth and hide everything. I'd go with those unless you don't mind people noticing in which case don't worry too much, I'm sure they won't think very much about it- I wouldn't probably connect that with self-harm and even if I did, I wouldn't think much about that these days as it is more common for people to show their self-harm scars than it used to be (I've seen it on at least two people this summer).

SleepingTiger · 09/07/2017 18:09

I would not be uncomfortable seeing evidence of self-harm OP, in the same way I see people with burns, squashed noses from boxing, putty faces from drinking for 30 years and deep wrinkles and grey skin from smoking.

do what grabs you as most comfortable by you.

SleepingTiger · 09/07/2017 18:10

Your scars are part of your journey is what I meant to say.

callmeadoctor · 09/07/2017 18:17

My first thought were to wear a nice jumpsuit? (A type to suit the occasion?). My second was sad that both you and your sister have self harmed :-(

callmeadoctor · 09/07/2017 18:20

And like everybody else has said, I would not dream of asking you about the scars (even if I were to notice them). I would probably assume they were from an operation. In fact I have never noticed self harm scars.

Amee1992x · 09/07/2017 18:21

Makeup wis dermacol foundation is great. I have a large scar on my forearm I use this for sometimes.

seventhgonickname · 09/07/2017 18:36

You've come a long way,lost weight.Buy a dress you love,forget the scars.If you are happy in what you wear people will be looking at your face not your legs.
Have a good time.

CaptainBrickbeard · 09/07/2017 18:43

Just to offer another perspective on the scars being part of your journey- I agree that they shouldn't be a source of shame, but for me I hid mine because they weren't a part of my journey - they were a terrible detour; a path I was never meant to take. For me, it was realised that I never deserved to think so little of myself or treat myself so badly that allowed me to put them to rest years after they happened. I'd hidden them because I felt so much that they were not a part of me and that sad, lost time in my life would not define me to others or to myself. Recently, I had them tattooed over with a beautiful design that I love and that was the final bit of healing I never realised I still had to do. It was acknowledging that I was worth the money and the time, that I could have a piece of art instead of an echo of pain and confusion. Seeing them on myself or other people made me feel it was an ok thing to do and it wasn't and isn't ok to treat myself with such rage and contempt and loathing - I and you are worth so much more, OP. I hope you can put it behind you as well.

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