AIBU for feeling very hurt my dad got married without telling anyone?

[Rosynamechange]

As the title says really. I feel extremely hurt and shocked that my dad and his partner went and married last week whilst on holiday down south.

I found out when I suddenly received a picture message on my phone from his new wife, it was just a pic of their hands showing their wedding rings. Everyone had been led to believe they were just enjoying a normal two week holiday.

I'm gutted because I thought I'd always had a very close relationship with my dad, and when he was widowed a few years ago I helped him by being there as much as possible. He met his (now wife) around six months after my stepmum passed away and I've got on with her brilliantly too. My sister has been estranged from our dad for a number of years and dad's new wife 'Linda" also has two grown up children, but they haven't been interested in forming a relationship with my dad, apparently because they've hinted that they think he's with 'Linda' for her money. Which is definitely not the case.

Therefore, for the past two and a half years, out of all of us, its only myself and my kids who've kept in regular contact (visiting each other weekly) with my dad and Linda.

After seeing the pic of their rings (and taking a few moments to take in the shock) I contacted my dad and wished them both congratulations, but he could clearly tell I wasn't my usual jovial self. Linda rang me the next day, and by her manner of speaking she gave the impression that I had to 'suck it up' especially as she said 'the job is done'. Her kids weren't told either apparently and when I spoke to my dad afterwards, he said that Linda thought I was 'off' with her and repeatedly asked if I was ok. I told him I was happy for them but quite shocked and (to play it down) a little hurt that they'd married in secret. His reaction stunned me even more when he became angry and said 'so what we've got married?' 'I'm sick of this bollocks' and hung up. I've not heard from them since. They're still on honeymoon and I feel gutted.

Just to add, I would be very happy for my dad to marry Linda, if it was done without all the secrecy!

So sorry for the very long post. I just want to ask, AIBU for feeling hurt and shocked that my own dad could do this?

Thankyou Kittybiscuits It's nice that there are people, like yourself, who can see why I feel the way I do.

As Kitty says Liara, you come across as egotistical yourself. Extremely so, in my opinion.

You sound so self absorbed, and full of your own self importance. Your attitude is "tough shit to any one who wants to be part of my precious day, even if you are close family" "Its all about what I want so suck it up and get over it" is your motto isn't it?

It's the kind of talk a selfish spoiled brat would say. And I guess that's why you empathise with my dad and Linda.

The fact is, Weddings are traditionally a day for families/friends to celebrate the union of two people. If it wasn't such an important day in most people's minds, then why have such things as a 'best man, bridesmaids, father of the bride walking his daughter down the aisle?' etc etc. Do you get what I'm saying?

And the way I see it, most people want to have those closest to them to join in their special day. Why would you not? I understand that some may want a very small wedding, with only a few people present, with minimal fuss, that's their choice.

But to go off, marry in secret, and then send a picture message (that even the neighbours probably received) to announce 'your special day' is (as quite a few people have pointed out) a really shitty thing to do. Especially when its to your child, who is the only one who has been there for you in difficult times.

One more thing, for you to come on here and basically try to goad me with your spiteful comments...... well it says a lot about your character.

My dad sort of did this. He got married and didn't tell me until a few weeks later.

His letter said "by the way OW and I got married, it was just a quiet wedding with just close family and friends"

I was 11.

In fact it was the same letter that he asked me not to call him dad anymore as it made him feel old.

That's awful Taylia, what a cruel way to say the things your dad did.

Firstly, to say that only "close family and friends" , for God sake, you are his DAUGHTER! therefore his close family!.

Then to say "don't call me dad" .... words fail me.

TheFlame

Exactly, I looked at the 'child free' wedding thread and I agree with your comments.