Or just incredibly spoiled?

[Neoflex]

Sorry in advance for the epic post.

My husband and I have 2 anniversaries: the day we signed the papers and the day we had the party.

For party anniversary, husband wanted to go back to where we got married, which is his home country. I did not want to travel because I am 4 months pregnant but he persuaded me as it would be a nice holiday. So far it hasn't turned out that way.

1. he decided we would do a detour to the city where he went to uni so he could see friends. I am not a fan of said city and protested but he promised it would just be a couple of nights then we could have 2 weeks at the beach.

2. husband booked us on Ryanair flight even though he knows my one principle in life which is to never fly Ryanair.

3)) I wanted to stay at a hotel but he wanted to stay with friends. Those friends canceled so we had to end up staying with other friends who do not have a guest-suitable flat. It has no doors between rooms. It is 30 degrees with no air conditioning. No curtains on the windows. The bathroom is between the two rooms so you have to disturb each other if you need to pee. And the room where we are sleeping is full of junk that I keep tripping over to turn on the light. One other thing that doesn't bother me but will have mumsnetters nickers in a twist: they are growing cannabis on their balcony.

4. we ended up spending our actual anniversary in this city. Where by the way taxis do not have seat belts and drive like maniacs so getting to the restaurant was dicing with death. But the meal was fantastic and thought this could save the day

5. after meal went for lovely little walk through city and I was ready for bed but husband wanted to go to a festival where friends were. I agreed to go for a but wanted to go home early

6. arrived and sat in warm spot on a hill far from crowd. Listened to music and watched sunset. Was nice. Then friends call who are sat close to stage and want us to move there. I want to stay put. He wants to move. Of course he gets his way again and we move, but on condition we won't stay long

7. get there. It's wet and noisy and I'm pretty annoyed. Then husband gets call from friend who had come to meet us on hill, asking where we were.

8. drunk friend from hill slips and seriously injures himself on his way to find us. Passer by helps friend who tells him to call my husband for help.

9. husband and a friend, call him Ted, go to help and there i am sat with this teds wife who I don't know and can barely speak English for 3 whole hours. It's cold, it's wet, I'm pregnant and tired.

10. Ted returns but not my husband. Apparently my husband went to the hospital with drunk friend who needs surgery for a broken leg. Doesn't call me just sends his friend to tell me. They will take me back to the place I am staying once I am ready to go home.

11. husband gets back at 3 in morning. He is clearly tired from the ordeal and still sleeping 10 of clock today even though we were meant to be getting up and leaving this shit hole bright and early today. I'm sat here sweating hungry and extremely pissed off in someone else's flat just waiting for him to wake up.

Aibu or has he ruined our anniversary and do I have the right to be so ffff* angry right now? Or should I be grateful he tried to celebrate our anniversary at all? And I mean what could he do. Just leave his injured friend?

You have the right to be angry.
Why could Ted not stay with injured man instead of your dh, leaving you alone in a strange city with people you don't know and can barely speak to?
Why is dh doing everything his way? This isn't an anniversary celebration, it's a jolly for him. If that's what he wanted then he would have been better on his own.

Is it a first anniversary? If not it seems a little OTT to have two a year and to expect to celebrate both with holidays etc.

His friends accident couldn't be helped.

What I do know is that it is really, really hard living in a different country from your family, your friends and your entire culture.

Your write up of events is like an assessment. Like you are awarding your husband marks for the sunset but taking marks away for the lack of seatbelts.

It did not go well...

But I kind of get the impression your attitude would not have been great even before all that.

Are you doing something else for your...other wedding anniversary?

It doesn't sound like he's been very considerate although there was a nice meal and the concert when you could see the sunset sounded nice too

I don't think you can blame him for his friend breaking his leg and him looking after his friend was a kind thing to do.

Maybe just try to enjoy the rest of your holiday if you're going somewhere else now

Also how is it your only principle in life not to fly Ryanair?

I think you didn't want to go back to his home country and you would have found fault with anything. I think that your DH probably couldn't win in this scenario. I also think that, if you live away from your husband's country and culture, you have to suck it up when he wants to go a back and accept it's not about you.

Yes you should be pissed off but it's taught you a lesson.... If you don't want to do something don't do it. That way if you feel pressured into doing something unsafe when you are pregnant you can just say no. He can go off and you can stay in a hotel that is suitable. You don't have to explain. If he doesn't understand why you don't want to stay in dodgy flats or go into crowded audiences when 4 months pregnant then he's a bit of a selfish twat.

You do know this is mumsnet and not trip advisor?

Why are you letting him dictate to you? Don't you have your own money to book your own stuff. Go find a hotel and tell him you'll meet him at the airport when it's time to leave.

I don't think YABU, anniversary or no he has put himself and his friends first the entire holiday. In your place I would feel really let down and be making it clear in no uncertain terms that this does not happen again (which, if he is normally quite reasonable is highly unlikely given that next year you will have a baby to consider too).

He has been selfish, but you have allowed it.

If you hadn't gone to his home country for your two week long anniversary holiday, would he have still had and holiday left from his job to go back to his country at another time? And time off when the baby comes too?

Get a palne - but RyanAir (I agree with you) and come home.

He's a dick

You do know this is mumsnet and not trip advisor?

I was going to write the same thing 😂

OP YANBU about the horrible flat and cannabis.

But YABU about your other numbered statements. It sounds to me like you would have found faults in this trip either way.

Pissed of that your DH wanted to go see friends because you hate the entire city in which they live. Pissed off about Ryanair because obviously you're too good for a budget airline. Pissed off that your DH spent the night helping a friend at hospital.

You sound hard work and controlling. And two anniversaries for the same thing? Ridiculous.

OP This is totally unacceptable behaviour from him and you should have insisted on staying in a nice hotel from the offset. If he's taking you away for your anniversary then it should be all about YOU - not this friend or that friend, or this festival of whatever. The whole thing is ridiculous. Has he not apologised for dragging you into this hot, messy flat with no doors? Plus leaving you stranded on a hill with people you don't know? This is not what you need at all when you're pregnant. He is on his own agenda and dragging you along. I would be livid. YANBU!

I could hardly read past '2 anniversaries'.

Cringe. You aren't 15 anymore. No one celebrates 2 anniversaries.

Sounds pretty awful. I think the problem comes from fact that your husband wanted to see his friends and enjoy the festival etc and therefore wasn't bothered about roughing it a bit. You on the other hand wanted to celebrate anniversary staying somewhere nice and also due to being pregnant did not want to go to drunken music festival and stay up v late. I would also be pissed off in your shoes. I think you probably need to be clearer next time about what you are expecting and if it isn't gong to work don't go. Let him go on his own.

It is our first year being married for anniversary. To be honest I don't think he could win after me finding out we would be staying in friends flat because I hate staying here so much: there's no privacy, even getting changed all the neighbours see me naked because there are no curtains and it is literally like an oven.

Should have just refused to come. We spent 3 whole weekends arguing about this trip. Usually I don't have a problem with coming here but being pregnant I just don't have the energy to travel and need my home comforts. I want to pee in the middle of the night without having to trip over a load of boxes on the floor. I want to wake up for a midnight snack and raid the fridge without feeling cheeky.

My husband really wanted to come here because his dad is old and unwell. He lives by the beach and I was totally okay with sleeping on a sunbed all day while he spent time with his dad. But this city detour is the bit where I am losing my temper and I think my husband can't do anything right until we leave here to be honest.

Ryanair. They have screwed me so many times in my younger days. Once checked me in advance Algerian and made me pay to change it. Air hostesses treating you like a criminal. Too hot. No legal room. Always delayed. Listened goes on...

I'm intrigued as to what city it is that is so awful you can't find anything nice about it?

I think I'd have booked myself into a nice hotel and left him to visit his friends.

In fact I'd be knocking the idea of two anniversaries on the head and let him go and visit his friends and stayed at home.

You don't sound like you are communicating well with each other!!

One other thing that doesn't bother me but will have mumsnetters nickers in a twist: they are growing cannabis on their balcony.

I don't give a shit, it's not my balcony.

They will take me back to the place I am staying once I am ready to go home.

You sound like hard work, OP.

And of course your husband should not leave his friend who is having surgery!

Next time be firm when you don't want to do something.

Savoy how is that relevant? OP conceded to go to his country for 2 weeks. She then conceded to have a city trip so he could see friends. That was nice of her as she didn't want to travel so far when pregnant. He wanted this 2 week trip not her, the least he could have done is consider her feelings and well being. Not booking a hotel when the original accommodation fell through and leaving her with strangers with a language barrier at the festival would leave me feeling very angry.

OP get packed and wake him up, tell him you're leaving now and go to the beach break, hopefully he'll get up and come with you and you can salvage something of this break. Then in future if you're not comfortable make your voice heard and say no, don't let him get away with running the show like this if you don't want to do things!

I agree with the other poster who said this is a lesson in not agreeing to do something you don't want to do.
If you wanted to compromise you should have insisted on a hotel booking and a different plane company booking. why didn't you insist on a hotel and a different plane before you left?

Stick up for yourself!

I think it's either Naples or Tangiers.