Or just incredibly spoiled?

[Neoflex]

Sorry in advance for the epic post.

My husband and I have 2 anniversaries: the day we signed the papers and the day we had the party.

For party anniversary, husband wanted to go back to where we got married, which is his home country. I did not want to travel because I am 4 months pregnant but he persuaded me as it would be a nice holiday. So far it hasn't turned out that way.

1. he decided we would do a detour to the city where he went to uni so he could see friends. I am not a fan of said city and protested but he promised it would just be a couple of nights then we could have 2 weeks at the beach.

2. husband booked us on Ryanair flight even though he knows my one principle in life which is to never fly Ryanair.

3)) I wanted to stay at a hotel but he wanted to stay with friends. Those friends canceled so we had to end up staying with other friends who do not have a guest-suitable flat. It has no doors between rooms. It is 30 degrees with no air conditioning. No curtains on the windows. The bathroom is between the two rooms so you have to disturb each other if you need to pee. And the room where we are sleeping is full of junk that I keep tripping over to turn on the light. One other thing that doesn't bother me but will have mumsnetters nickers in a twist: they are growing cannabis on their balcony.

4. we ended up spending our actual anniversary in this city. Where by the way taxis do not have seat belts and drive like maniacs so getting to the restaurant was dicing with death. But the meal was fantastic and thought this could save the day

5. after meal went for lovely little walk through city and I was ready for bed but husband wanted to go to a festival where friends were. I agreed to go for a but wanted to go home early

6. arrived and sat in warm spot on a hill far from crowd. Listened to music and watched sunset. Was nice. Then friends call who are sat close to stage and want us to move there. I want to stay put. He wants to move. Of course he gets his way again and we move, but on condition we won't stay long

7. get there. It's wet and noisy and I'm pretty annoyed. Then husband gets call from friend who had come to meet us on hill, asking where we were.

8. drunk friend from hill slips and seriously injures himself on his way to find us. Passer by helps friend who tells him to call my husband for help.

9. husband and a friend, call him Ted, go to help and there i am sat with this teds wife who I don't know and can barely speak English for 3 whole hours. It's cold, it's wet, I'm pregnant and tired.

10. Ted returns but not my husband. Apparently my husband went to the hospital with drunk friend who needs surgery for a broken leg. Doesn't call me just sends his friend to tell me. They will take me back to the place I am staying once I am ready to go home.

11. husband gets back at 3 in morning. He is clearly tired from the ordeal and still sleeping 10 of clock today even though we were meant to be getting up and leaving this shit hole bright and early today. I'm sat here sweating hungry and extremely pissed off in someone else's flat just waiting for him to wake up.

Aibu or has he ruined our anniversary and do I have the right to be so ffff* angry right now? Or should I be grateful he tried to celebrate our anniversary at all? And I mean what could he do. Just leave his injured friend?

I can get that at 4 months pregnant you're tired, grumpy and too hot for all of this but you have given in and gone along with it for an easy life.

Next time tell your DH that he can go off and stay with his mates and do what he wants for the couple of days while you find a nice hotel and enjoy some peace and quiet before then meeting back up at the other location. Tbh you need to start putting your foot down about what you want as this time next year, you'll have a baby in tow and the set up this year, really won't work.

I dont think yabu. He is putting his needs ahead of yours and then changing the hoalposts. I think you should start saying thats not what we agreed, or that doesnt work for me.

I'd be fucking fuming too. He's arranged it all to suit himself and not considered you. Now how can you sort it? You need out of the flat today at the very least.

OP is def somewhere in Algeria!!!

You were mad to agree to staying with friends. You should have put your foot down and refused. Your husband sounds childish tramping you around festivals and failing to 'get' pregnancy.

He has a rude awakening ahead of him when ever baby comes. He's trying to live like a.student still, why have you gone along with it?

It sounds like your H wanted a visit home to catch up with his mates. He's used your Anniversary as an excuse to go. It sounds shit and I wouldn't be happy.

You do know this is mumsnet and not trip advisor?

He was a twat here

I don't know why you didn't just check yourself into a hotel, I reckon you'd be less grumpy about the whole thing if you could get a decent nights sleep somewhere with aircon.

While I think it sounds annoying for You, it also sounds like you don't want to do absolutely anything, which can be pretty hard work for the other person.

And it's worth mentioning, that it's quite hard being the person who loves away from home and you can't really blame him, especially if it's a nice place, for wanting to go there.

What unicornsparklessaid.
I feel your pain as I have a husband from another country and I have lost count of the number of times he's changed plans like this when we have visited his country. I didn't mind going but it got to the point where all we did was sit around at his mums or go out with relatives and they all sit speaking another language for 4 hour stretches, talking about people I don't know. I can understand a lot of their language but i have to focus on it and it gets to the point after say an hour and a half where I can't concentrate anymore when I say talking for 4 hours, I mean 4 hours. Not an exaggeration.
Then he got a job with a lot of travelling so I started suggesting he have some weekends over there on his own (thinking he can do stuff then stick to the plan when I am with him)
The change really came about when first DD was born. I refused to sit around his parents house trying to amuse a bored child and said I wouldn't go if we couldn't have some firm bookings to do something together while away-best of both worlds some time with family, bookings for a few days of activities or a short road trip and couple of nights away then back to his parents for last bit.
If he wouldn't agree I said I wasn't going and that I didn't think was being unreasonable.
He agreed and then told me that he was amazed that it was much more fun that way (mainly because I wasn't bored shitless where his family live has nothing to do. Even most of the pubs have shut down but you can easily get to a really nice big city with 45 mins on the train.)and he has also been brave and taken the kids on his own now.
We have now moved to another country much closer to where his parents live but I have said I won't be going more often than before but anyone who wishes is free to visit us. they never came to see us in the UK. His parents came for our wedding and 2 other short visits in 20 years so I don't feel bad about it.

I don't actually think the lesson is so much in not agreeing to what you don't want to do - you might have enjoyed perfectly well if you'd been in a hotel by the beach. And even if you'd been in a hotel for a couple of nights in town. The lesson isn't that your husband doesn't listen and doesn't really consider his pregnant wife.

He has used your anniversary as a chance to see his friends. This holiday is all about what he wants to do and who he wants to see, with no thought for you whatsoever.

If it had been me I'd have checked into a hotel.

TBH I can see both sides here.

Expecting a huge fan fare for both anniversary dates - Unreasonable

Getting in a huge snit because you're travelling Ryanair - are there even any other airlines that do this route? - Unreasonable

But on the other stuff it does seem as if your DH doesn't seem to understand that you're his pregnant DW and not a pair of university students.

Re the friends and the concert - could you just have left and found a hotel? Re the concert and friends wife - I'd have headed off and got a taxi home myself - that would have given your DH a clear message.

Future lesson is if something sounds so crap that you're arguing weeks in advance of it, then change it or don't go.

The anniversary issue is a red herring that posters are getting diverted by. This is basically a summer holiday organised with no thought for a pregnant wife, who is presumably paying for half of it.

You need to learn to say no and be completely stubborn

Yes he basically organised a huge jolly for himself under the guise of visiting his dad/celebrating anniversary. No thought for your needs or likes

The broken leg business was out of his control. But your actual anniversary should have been spent somewhere you both liked.

You don't have 2 anniversaries. Scrap this idea ASAP and behave like normal people and you will be much happier for it.

Anniversaries are about you as a couple - not friends, not parties, not visiting family. Again, lesson learned. Next time it should be something entirely about the 2 of you, even if its just staying at home in bed.

Finally you need to learn to say no and have your no listened to. Otherwise your marriage is going to be miserable.

Just book a hotel? Internet is full of them

Expecting a huge fan fare for both anniversary dates - Unreasonable

Where has the OP said this? She mentioned they have two possible dates to remember.
She never asked for the trip either - it was entirely her DH demand which she didn't really want.

Getting in a huge snit because you're traveling Ryanair - are there even any other airlines that do this route? - Unreasonable

Not if DH knows she doesn't use them. I won't use Ryanair, its really not difficult to avoid them.

Yes he basically organised a huge jolly for himself under the guise of visiting his dad/celebrating anniversary. No thought for your needs or likes

Yes this.

My plastic would be out and booking the next flight home before a second night on someone's floor in a location I didn't want to visit.

I'd then have the quiet holiday on my own back home.

The city detour was always going to be a bad idea. But if you were ready to compromise on it you should have stayed in a hotel and refused to go to the festival. He could still have seen friends and you could have been comfortable. Your dh was unreasonable here. But I'm guessing your dh is from a similar background to my xh and I can see how it all arose, especially staying with friends.

He didn't want to celebrate yr anniversary,he used it as an excuse to see his mates and do exactly what he wanted,.he is always a selfish wanker?

My dh is also from abroad. From a tiny village. I stopped doing the going to stay with his father for a week or more when my dd was old enough to want to do more than hang around his family and get bored shitless. Due to my being chronically ill, we don't traipse there a couple of times a year. I don't feel guilty either. We lived just over an hours drive away from them all for 3 years. In all that time, we had very few visitors and some only visited us the once when we organised a big family BBQ.

Let this trip be a wake up call for you.

So basically your husband has no concern for your comfort or enjoyment. Why do people marry men like this, I'll never understand.