Or just incredibly spoiled?

[Neoflex]

Sorry in advance for the epic post.

My husband and I have 2 anniversaries: the day we signed the papers and the day we had the party.

For party anniversary, husband wanted to go back to where we got married, which is his home country. I did not want to travel because I am 4 months pregnant but he persuaded me as it would be a nice holiday. So far it hasn't turned out that way.

1. he decided we would do a detour to the city where he went to uni so he could see friends. I am not a fan of said city and protested but he promised it would just be a couple of nights then we could have 2 weeks at the beach.

2. husband booked us on Ryanair flight even though he knows my one principle in life which is to never fly Ryanair.

3)) I wanted to stay at a hotel but he wanted to stay with friends. Those friends canceled so we had to end up staying with other friends who do not have a guest-suitable flat. It has no doors between rooms. It is 30 degrees with no air conditioning. No curtains on the windows. The bathroom is between the two rooms so you have to disturb each other if you need to pee. And the room where we are sleeping is full of junk that I keep tripping over to turn on the light. One other thing that doesn't bother me but will have mumsnetters nickers in a twist: they are growing cannabis on their balcony.

4. we ended up spending our actual anniversary in this city. Where by the way taxis do not have seat belts and drive like maniacs so getting to the restaurant was dicing with death. But the meal was fantastic and thought this could save the day

5. after meal went for lovely little walk through city and I was ready for bed but husband wanted to go to a festival where friends were. I agreed to go for a but wanted to go home early

6. arrived and sat in warm spot on a hill far from crowd. Listened to music and watched sunset. Was nice. Then friends call who are sat close to stage and want us to move there. I want to stay put. He wants to move. Of course he gets his way again and we move, but on condition we won't stay long

7. get there. It's wet and noisy and I'm pretty annoyed. Then husband gets call from friend who had come to meet us on hill, asking where we were.

8. drunk friend from hill slips and seriously injures himself on his way to find us. Passer by helps friend who tells him to call my husband for help.

9. husband and a friend, call him Ted, go to help and there i am sat with this teds wife who I don't know and can barely speak English for 3 whole hours. It's cold, it's wet, I'm pregnant and tired.

10. Ted returns but not my husband. Apparently my husband went to the hospital with drunk friend who needs surgery for a broken leg. Doesn't call me just sends his friend to tell me. They will take me back to the place I am staying once I am ready to go home.

11. husband gets back at 3 in morning. He is clearly tired from the ordeal and still sleeping 10 of clock today even though we were meant to be getting up and leaving this shit hole bright and early today. I'm sat here sweating hungry and extremely pissed off in someone else's flat just waiting for him to wake up.

Aibu or has he ruined our anniversary and do I have the right to be so ffff* angry right now? Or should I be grateful he tried to celebrate our anniversary at all? And I mean what could he do. Just leave his injured friend?

If he's taking you away for your anniversary then it should be all about YOU On the other hand if he's going away for his anniversary should it all be about HIM?

She is a princess because she doesn't want to spend her first anniversary staying in a strangers home with a language barrier, no privacy and cannabis growing on the balcony whilst being 4 months pregnant??
Well hand me my crown, because I would be pissed too!

Those of you who are saying the two anniversaries thing is princessy are coming from a fairly narrow perspective I'm afraid. There are many countries, much larger than the UK, where you do the 'office' signing of papers one day - perhaps in January, in whatever you happen to be wearing, and then you have the massive white dress / cake type party thing, where all your friends and family are invited and they all give presents (sometimes cold hard cash, announced by - shudder- a loud speaker as it's being handed over), and that day can be anything up to a year after you've signed the papers.

In those countries, and for those people who are born and brought up there, the party is the thing. They consider themselves married only at the party. However, in the UK, we consider ourselves married once we've signed the papers.

I married a man from a country where they did it the afore-mentioned way. We went to some lengths to book at appointment with the registrar for the signing in the morning and held our 'wedding' party in the evening of that same day. That was the only way we could combine the two cultural expectations.

So before you judge, walk a mile in the OP shoes so you really know what you're talking about.

In those countries, and for those people who are born and brought up there, the party is the thing. They consider themselves married only at the party. However, in the UK, we consider ourselves married once we've signed the papers

That still means only one real anniversary.

So WillRikers, which of the anniversaries is 'real'?

The one which they say it is, according to the poster previous to me. Did you not read what I was responding to?

Yes, I wrote it!

The problem the OP has is clearly that for her, the signing/register office bit is 'real' for her, and for him, the party bit is 'real'. So together, to compromise, they are having to celebrate both. For each other's sake.

Yes, I wrote it!

The problem the OP has is clearly that for her, the signing/register office bit is 'real' for her, and for him, the party bit is 'real'. So together, to compromise, they are having to celebrate both. For each other's sake.

Then you have no excuse for not understanding my response to you.

No, sorry WillRikers it is you who have not understood the point I made. Both anniversaries are 'real'. They are both as valid as the other. One culture is not more real or more valid than another.

dishwasher71 you are probably wasting your breath. There are a growing number of posters on here who cannot fathom that things are done differently in other countries, and believe that in a mixed nationality marriage the foreigner should assimilate all English ways immediately.

Thank you Wombling I shall indeed retire gracefully!

I also refuse to fly Ryanair. Also I avoid EasyJet if I can. You are not alone, OP.

I think the op is getting a hard time here. I'd be pretty fucked off with finding myself staying in a flat like that too. I'd have refused to stay there though - and either found myself a decent hotel or got a taxi straight back to the airport.

I also found myself stuck with a spouse of a friend of dh's with no common language, on a trip that was supposed to be a romantic weekend away that turned out to be a bit of a uni reunion for him instead. It was hard work and I made it quite clear to dh afterwards that it would not be happening again.

I avoid Ryanair too, unless it is the only option. Too many bad experiences with them.

I tink she needs to refuse things more and not just go along. Eg when he said ryanair - if that's her deal breaker she then says you din't consult me, silly man, you take a friend on this trip and I;ll stay at home or else change form Ryanair to XYZ or she does all the bookings which is what I always did and not surprisingly I never got any surprises!

I have two anniversaries... 3 weeks apart. British "I do's" and paper signing at the first and Hindu temple and rings around the fire at the second. In his eyes we weren't officially married until we'd done both parts. OP you sound a bit like you were always going to find something wrong with the first part of your trip, lesson learned, let him see his friends seperately next time and meet up after.

I would've been fucking hacked off with the whole thing. No way would I have tolerated that when I was pregnant, I'd have booked myself somewhere nice and left a note telling him where to find me.

It sounds like his friends are very important to him. And he misses them.

Just book yourself in a hotel and stop making your happiness his responsibility.

I am with OP here, even though in my situation our roles are reversed (me being the one dragging DH back to my home town). Saying that, he loves it more there than I do 😂. I don't see my friends over there that often but have always wanted my DH to have a great time too, so of course, making sure he is comfortable is a small thing. I would've never forced him to stay in a situation like the OP described (even though he'd probably be ok). As to the friend being really hurt :there was another friend there who could and should have stayed with him, whilst the OP's DP came back to make sure his pregnant foreign DW was ok. YNBU at all!

YADNBU - this sounds like the sort of shit my DH would pull, but never when I was pregnant - he knows better than to unleash the rage!

Of course it makes a difference. At 4 months pg I am knackered and crabby. Where maybe I would have had a few drinks and partied till the early hours at a festival, I need to be tucked up in a nice comfy (private ) bed at 10pm with a cup of herbal tea.

It sounds like you've resolved it now anyway OP - enjoy your spa time and the beach trip. Maybe this will be a wake-up call about parenthood and growing up a bit for your DH.

If this were the entire trip I'd say he were being unreasonable, but the rest of the trip is going to be much more to your liking. It's a temporary detour, your husband lives miles from home, I think you need to cut him some slack. Do explain to him that you're unhappy and why, but in a measured way, not going all out for an argument. It's never good to bury resentment, so it does need talking through. However, looked at as a whole, with the amount of time you're actually away and the fact that this will just be a small part of the holiday, I think you're being a little unfair to hold it against him.