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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send him to a premier inn?

108 replies

Orangeseed · 09/07/2017 02:19

DH has just stumbled in at 2o'clock having been out to a venue which shut at 11. Incidentally the venue is about 10 minutes drive away and it was a strip show he had been to watch.

I'm now 8months into a difficult pregnancy and feeling totally pissed off!

I've sent him to sleep in the spare room tonight but would I be unreasonable to send him to a premier inn tmw?!

OP posts:
seventhgonickname · 09/07/2017 02:35

Do you have a patio and a spade?

Original poster
Orangeseed · 09/07/2017 02:39

No but I have a massive urge to smother the now snoring w**nker with a pillow!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 09/07/2017 02:47

Any explanation for the missing three hours?

hana32 · 09/07/2017 02:48

YABU. Premier Inn is too nice a consequence for that kind of behaviour. Send him to a crap b&b/hostel instead. Set your TripAdvisor filter for "one star rating" establishments. Book a nice week long stay.

Jux · 09/07/2017 02:48

Wake him early with a splash of cold water. Make him mow the lawn and hoover, and if there's any pictures you want up, make him drill. Anything that's nicely noisy. Also, (not too sure about this) cook him eggs and bacon, plenty of grease.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 09/07/2017 02:59

Were you ok with him going to a strip club? I absolutely wouldn't be, that would be grounds for ending the relationship for me, a premier inn sounds like a treat not a punishment!

Keepthebloodynoisedown · 09/07/2017 03:15

Any older dc? Maybe you should book yourself into a premier inn (or somewhere a bit nicer). Leave him a list of stuff that you needed to get done.

Northernparent68 · 09/07/2017 03:23

Why are you still angry op, your partner went into it, so what. Would you expect to have to account for every second to him

whattodowiththepoo · 09/07/2017 03:49

Hope you manage to talk about it when he's sober.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/07/2017 03:55

@Northernparent68 if she came back drunk at 2am 8 months pregnant after going to a strip club... you think her DH might have some questions?

Original poster
Orangeseed · 09/07/2017 06:05

No explanation for the missing three hours, just a load of abuse when I told him to sleep in spare room.
I was not at all fine with the night out in the first place, never mind the missing three hours!
And yes northernparent I actually do have to account for every minute, if I'm not working I'm expected to be at home. In over 11 years of living together I have been out at night without him TWICE! That's in total! Once in the first few months of moving in and once last year, both times I had to come home early.

OP posts:
JamesSpaderMadeMeDoIt · 09/07/2017 06:21

Yup spade and patio. Or hoover and drilling next day.

On a more serious note - the expectations that you should be at home when not at work is worrying.

what would happen if you went AWOL for a few hours? For example do some shopping / or call in on a friend at the last minute? / go to a strip club at stupid o'clock....?

hazeyjane · 09/07/2017 06:22

Tbh op, from the last post I'd send him to a shitty b+b the other end of the country, permanently.

Bumdishcloths · 09/07/2017 06:25

Agree with @hazeyjane

He sounds controlling and unpleasant Sad

Original poster
Orangeseed · 09/07/2017 06:27

I'm allowed grocery shopping as long as he knows in advance that's where I'm going. Other shopping has to be done on line, trips to friends don't happen, unless it's mum friends, in the daytime with children e.g. I can go to the park.

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 09/07/2017 06:35

Op you've got bigger problems than the missing 3 hours. He sounds horrible, are you sure you want to be with him? Would it be possible to leave?

Rhubarbginisnotasin · 09/07/2017 06:35

OP, you and your baby dont need this man in your life. He goes to strip shows. You're both way better than that.

16middlenames · 09/07/2017 06:37

If you're "not allowed" to go and meet your friends etc how do you expect to get him to go to a premier inn? Looks like he has the power here....Hmm

PurplePeppers · 09/07/2017 06:41

Yep youve got massive problems and it's notbthe three hours missing or him coming back drunk.

Apart from being very controlling as to where who your friends are, money etc etc

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/07/2017 06:44

Bloody hell. You know you're in an abusive relationship don't you? Joking about spare rooms and hotels is one thing. But this isn't one night. He's controlling.

Original poster
Orangeseed · 09/07/2017 06:44

He has had the power for our whole relationship and I'm starting to realise its not normal.
I'm not sure I'm ready to go it alone but I know if I don't things will never be better.
I've had an awful year including the death of my dad and this pregnancy has been so hard, I think something inside me is changing.

OP posts:
loveka · 09/07/2017 06:45

This man sounds like he is emotionally abusing you. It is a classic indicator that he won't allow you out without you accounting for every second.

For your child's sake you need to seriously think about the relationship. You seem to be minimising it somewhat, but this is really serious.

My dad was like this with my mum. My childhood was horrendous, watching him control her. And of course, it became my life too, I was a part of it. I ended up hating both of them because of the pure misery at home. I left as soon as I could and my poor mum was bereft without me. Do you want to subject your child to this?

Original poster
Orangeseed · 09/07/2017 06:56

I don't want any of my dc thinking this is normal, I think they are too young (4 and 6) to have noticed yet.
They do love him though and I never wanted to raise them in a "broken home" the thought makes me so sad. I'm trying to hang on to the anger from last night.

OP posts:
PurplePeppers · 09/07/2017 06:57

Please watch out for the fact that often abusers ramp up their antics once their partner is pregnant/has given birth.

I agree that things will not get better. I suspect they will get worse :(. Maybe this is what you are sensing?

loveka · 09/07/2017 06:59

I certainly noticed when I was 6. I didn't say anything because I thought it was normal. But I noticed. And it scarred me for life.