Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

AIBU?

To send him to a premier inn?

108 replies

Orangeseed · 09/07/2017 02:19

DH has just stumbled in at 2o'clock having been out to a venue which shut at 11. Incidentally the venue is about 10 minutes drive away and it was a strip show he had been to watch.

I'm now 8months into a difficult pregnancy and feeling totally pissed off!

I've sent him to sleep in the spare room tonight but would I be unreasonable to send him to a premier inn tmw?!

OP posts:

Report

PurplePeppers · 09/07/2017 07:00

Sorry I thought this was your first pregnancy.

I actuall think your two dcs have realise already.
And they will have learnt that daddy does whatever he wants but it's OK to swear at mummy and she has to do as she is told.
Remember the 'monkey sees, monkey does'? They will remember. Theynwill remeber more and more as they get older and will find that this is the norm in relationships.

hazeyjane · 09/07/2017 07:00

Orangeseed, it sounds as though you have had a really hard year. This is not a healthy relationship, for you or your children. You all deserve a life free from tiptoeing around someone who needs to control you. I really hope you can find support to leave - friends? Family?

There may be more support here www.womensaid.org.uk/

Orangeseed · 09/07/2017 07:01

They got worse when dc2 was born and I was almost brave enough to leave.....

OP posts:

SleightOfHand · 09/07/2017 07:03

4 and 6 year old will certainly have noticed.

Butterymuffin · 09/07/2017 07:12

Ring Women's Aid. Your kids will be old enough now to start to see that he is abusing you. Keep hold of the anger.

PurplePeppers · 09/07/2017 07:12

It will get worse worse again.
Please hold onto your anger. Remember all the ways he has disrespected you. Hope keptbthe control. What he is stopping you from doing. Write them down and read that list again if you have any doubts that leaving IS the best thing you can do for your dcs.

Remember that you are currently teaching them that abuse is normal and ok.
Do you want your daughter to end up in a similar abusibe relationship as an adult? Do you want your son to be an abuser as an adult?
If you leave, they might live in a 'broken family unit'. They will also have the chance of having a mum who is happier, to have a much better example of what is and isnt acceptable. To live in an environment that isn't abusive (because don't be fooled, the environemntbthey are in is all absuive for them).

What do you think would be your tipping point so that living with your H is unacceptable and living alone is better?

Crunchymum · 09/07/2017 07:19

What a terribly sad thread.

OP, there are always options and choices.

Maybe get this moved to the relationship board for more practical support.

Your kids will have picked up on what is going on.

Orangeseed · 09/07/2017 07:22

I've already gone past so many 'tipping points' from the time he had an 'emotional affair', the stopping me seeing my friends, the actual infidelities, raising his fists at me.
It feels a but odd that something as 'small' as last night could be the final straw.

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 09/07/2017 07:25

Op the home your children are in just now is 'broken'. They will be far better off away from it.
I know you're 8months pregnant and it probably seems inconceivable leaving right now but do try to call woman's aid.
Is your mum still about?

Shoxfordian · 09/07/2017 07:27

I hope it is the final straw OP

He doesn't sound like a good partner at all

cordeliavorkosigan · 09/07/2017 07:28

This "broken" business, you know, he has already broken it. When you leave you will be fixing it . Not the other way around. You don't have to live under someone's control like this and no one who loved you would want you to. It sounds like the wool is coming away from your eyes. I hope you leave and have a free and happy home with your dc.

lubeybooby · 09/07/2017 07:39

Love, look I'm sorry but get real. It's been 11 years it's not going to change now is it? and a baby is only going to make this harder. Babies are wonderful but not with controlling partners who make you feel like shite.

You deserve better. Your child deserves better, and yes better can mean just you and yes better can mean with reduced income/single parenthood. I did it from age 16 on my own, if I can anyone can. Now I have a lovely partner who actually has respect, concern and care for me

Get a grip and get out.

GinIsIn · 09/07/2017 07:44

Please don't stay. Your children are seeing this. Call women's aid.

Theweasleytwins · 09/07/2017 07:49

You deserve better

nachogazpacho · 09/07/2017 07:53

It's the blatant lack of care that going out to a strip club, getting pissed when you're heavily pregnant, coming home late and then having a go at you when he got back that's proved to you he does not respect you. People like this are unable to love in a normal way.

This situation in all its smallness has shown you this clear as day.

If he's raised his fists and shouts etc then you are at risk of harm if you ask him to leave especially as you are pregnant. You are going to need physical support from family. Unless he's having an affair and is happy to move in with them.

Be careful and plan this with lots of helpers.

makeourfuture · 09/07/2017 07:57

Not to derail.

But what is it with Premier Inn?

LindyHemming · 09/07/2017 08:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iris65 · 09/07/2017 08:04

I am sorry OP but you children are already living in a 'broken home'. You are being emotionally abused and you are not protecting your children by staying with a controlling and angry man.
Children also carry on loving parents who seriously abuse them - not suggesting that he is abusing them by the way. What I mean is that a child loving a parent is not an indication of good the parent is.
You and your children deserve better.

loobyloo1234 · 09/07/2017 08:07

Oh OP. Last night sounds like the least of your problems

He doesn't let you out to go grocery shopping?

Iamastonished · 09/07/2017 08:07

Why did you plan another baby with him?

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 09/07/2017 08:07

Please make your plans. He does not respect you and you don't want the DCs to copy that behaviour.

I have DCs of the same age. The older one is beginning to compare families and ask questions, recently he asked why some mummies and daddies don't live together. They are still young and malleable, but they will already be learning this warped version of "normal" Better to correct that and adapt before they get older and reach more emotionally complex ages.

thethoughtfox · 09/07/2017 08:12

This will only get worse when the new baby arrives. The stress, mess, tiredness and your vulnerability will escalate things. Please talk to someone in RL and get strength and plan to make a new life.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

thethoughtfox · 09/07/2017 08:13

You know your children will have already either modified their behaviour to placate daddy and/ or they will have picked up on his lack of respect for you and will either be clingy and protective of you or don't respect you either. None of this will lead to healthy happy children.

kaytee87 · 09/07/2017 08:21

Why did you plan another baby with him?

Why do you say really unhelpful things to a woman who is 8 months pregnant, has 2 small children and has a husband who is emotionally and physically abusive?
Do you enjoy kicking people when they're down?

Cailleach666 · 09/07/2017 08:26

A strip show.

He sounds quite a catch.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.