To send him to a premier inn?

[Orangeseed]

DH has just stumbled in at 2o'clock having been out to a venue which shut at 11. Incidentally the venue is about 10 minutes drive away and it was a strip show he had been to watch.

I'm now 8months into a difficult pregnancy and feeling totally pissed off!

I've sent him to sleep in the spare room tonight but would I be unreasonable to send him to a premier inn tmw?!

[IHateUncleJamie]

You won't be lonely, OP, you'll make friends because you'll be allowed out. If you stay with him and he's abusive, eventually you won't be the only target because he will start to emotionally abuse your children. You sound like a lovely Mum and I'm sure you don't want your children to be damaged emotionally. 💐

[EastMidsMumOf1]

You may love him but is your love for him stronger than the love for your precious babies? If you think he will be any less controlling and abusive to them as they get older then you really are mistaken.

[Buck3t]

my alternative is the rest of my life being lonely

No my dear your alternative is your death. I can't make that any clearer.

Then what about your kids?

[Gazelda]

OP, I feel so sad for you. You deserve happiness.
Your DC are very obviously loved. That will not change if you and your DH split. But they will gain a mum who has freedom and choices. Who can build self respect and provide them with a strong and positive role model.
You deserve happiness. Please remember that.

[LouHotel]

This man will hit you soon if he hasnt already and then he may hit your children.

You have an income and another property, take your children and go.

[EastMidsMumOf1]

Didnt mean to hit post so soon!
If you really dont want to leave him then I suggest living seperately for a while, but under the condition YOU are the one who decides when you want to live as a couple again. Go out with your friends and find your identity again then re-evaluate your priorities on whats best for you and your children. I really feel for you OP

[wannabestressfree]

You remind me of my mum. Was it the black eye, broken nose my dad gave her or the fractured skull, broken jaw he gave my brother and myself?..... nope he left her for another woman after 32 years of marriage!!! You are obviously an educated woman so why stay put.... you are already lonely, you can't go out.... come on.

Think of the internal peace you would have after this birth without him...

[Ginlovinglady]

If you can't see how abusive he is after what everyone has told you then I don't know what to say
It's just incredibly sad that your children will see you ground down for your entire life, sad and miserable
Would you want to see your children in this situation and have no power to help them
They are young now. All seems fine
It's not

[YouTheCat]

As well as all the abuse, he's unfaithful too. You are putting your health at serious risk with this man. Start making plans. You have a rental property so once the tenancy is up you move in. He cannot make you and your children homeless, even if you had been a SAHP. Gather your things.

You'll make friends. You can reconnect with old ones. Please seek help from Women's Aid who can help you with a non-molestation order if he is violent.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Well stay then if you'd rather. But in 20 years when your children are in abusive, violent or controlling relationships, you will know why.

Or break up with him and model that for your children instead.

Bear in mind that this is a man who spends money paying other women to take their clothes off while you save for maternity.

[MyPatronusIsAUnicorn]

This is not right OP. Your children have the right to be brought up in a home that is free from abuse. That is NOT this home.

[shouldwestayorshouldwego]

Why did you plan another baby with him?

We don't know that this baby was planned by OP given his other traits (you don't need to justify why you are having another baby OP - it is clear you will love them planned or otherwise). Or it could be part of him controlling her in that the more dc she has the harder it is for her to leave , even if she too would like three dc. She is working and has the means to support them.

You are in a strong position with your own house. Make sure that you report any further physical violence to the police so that injuries can be documented. Ideally yes leave asap but it isn't always that easy. It is great that you have sought advice here as you can get lots of support.

[WetsTheFinger]

How sad that you are going to be tied to him forever

[PidgeonSpray]

This sounds like an awful relationship :-(

Why continue to breed with such a horrible man

[C0untDucku1a]

Please see a solicitor. Even if you do nothing else.

[travellinglighter]

The sanctity of marriage is a wonderful ideal but in this case, he is using you to raise his children, show’s no respect, has raised his fists to you, is manipulative, controlling and abusive.

I promise you that at some point he will leave you. He’s already had an emotional affair. This means he was open to “better” offers and at some point that “better” offer will come along and he won’t hesitate. He’ll be gone and your high ideals will matter not a jot to him.

There is a better offer out there for you. Time to screw up your courage, gather your friends and dump the bastard. It won’t be easy but it will be easier than the life he is going to put you through.

I’d say do it for the children but actually, do it for you and the children lives will improve as well.

Good luck.

[specialsubject]

What's done is done. Now start the escape. Your children need to be out of this because once they are old enough to remember, they will never forget.

Waste no more time. He needs to be gone.

[PollyFlint]

OP, you have been bullied and manipulated by this man. It's bollocks to say you 'll be lonely forever without him. He has made you feel like this by treating you like a doormat and wrecking y your confidence. And by calling you the one with the problem, he is gaslighting. You also say your marriage vows are important. Well, no: he has invalidated those vows by promising to love and honour you while doing neither of those things, plus you mentioned he's cheated on you before.

If you stay with him your children will think this is OK. PLEASE d on't subject them to this environment, even if you can't see the harm it's doing to you. Staying with this coercive abuser will damage them as well as you. It will.

[MaQueen]

You won't be lonely. There is a world of difference between being alone and being lonely OP.

You can't see it yet, but you are already alone. Emotionally and psychologically alone.

You are already raising your DCs in a hopelessly broken home. You are already teaching your DCs that it's normal to emotionally and physically abuse other people.

You are already molding your DCs into people who will either willingly accept abuse themselves or possibly be abusers.

You have to leave. You have to.

[amusedbush]

It's fine to say that your vows mean something to you but they clearly mean nothing to the sack of shit you're married to. He sounds awful and you are being abused.

[Iflyaway]

^In over 11 years of living together I have been out at night without him TWICE!*

Got you well trained there then...

What are you going to do about it? Your life is your own, you know.

[knockedover]

Hi OP, I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling but please please ignore the ppl asking why you had children, it's unhelpful ridiculously insensitive twattery. Don't let them distract you from all the kindness and advice PPS have to offer

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Yes, move into your other property. Give yourself some space away from his twisting and abuse. See a solicitor.

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

, if I'm not working I'm expected to be at home. In over 11 years of living together I have been out at night without him TWICE! That's in total!

I thing there are more issues than his late night here OP