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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make my son stop using his nickname?

139 replies

Seriouslybeary · 08/07/2017 18:16

Namechanger here, if anyone recognises me irl they'll be laughing I'm sure.
When I was pregnant with my 3rd my older kids went through a phase of changing the first letter of their name to B. William Billiam, that sort of thing. Hilarious. Dc3 was born and we named him Carey. So he was immediately called Carey Barey. The B phase has long passed, but somehow Carey Barey stuck and he is now almost everywhere known as Bearey or Bear.
Fine, Bear is a perfectly valid name if you are Cheryl or Jamie Oliver. But it's not the name we chose. And Bearey is just ridiculous.
He gets quite ratty when I write his proper name, and has done since he started recognising letters. At nursery he insisted his name began with B. They asked me what they should do and I told them to just let him use B if he wanted to, assuming he would grow out of it. But no, almost at the end of yr3 and he still introduces himself as Bearey. People I don't really know often say politely "Oh you're Bearey's mum, what an unusual choice of name".
But what can I do now? I've left it too late.

WIBU to insist he uses his proper name now? I would be, wouldn't I?

His teacher for next year is new to the school and y4 up is in a different building so this would be a good time.

Or do I just leave it? Tell me when he gets to secondary school he's not going to still be introducing himself as Bearey? God I hate it so much. How did I let this happen? Me and my dad are the only people who insist on calling him by his proper name. Everyone else thinks Bearey is really cute and full of 'personality'.

OP posts:
dancemusicsexromance · 08/07/2017 21:05

My daughter is Emily, my niece couldn't say Emily so she was Nemily - then Nem. All of her teachers called her Nem. She's Emily now to lots of her new friends but Nem has stuck and it suits her.

Original poster
Seriouslybeary · 08/07/2017 21:07

We've just had a chat about his name. Very interesting. I should have done this years ago.

It turns out he's not entirely sure what his name is but his big brothers told him it was Bearey with a B so that must be right.

I told him the story of the rhyming B names and that the name we chose for him begins with a C.

He was quite curious about his given name and asked why we had chosen it so we chatted about that and looked at some old family photos of people with his name.

I can't believe we've never actually talked about where his names came from before.

We haven't reached any name conclusions but at least he now knows why he has so many of them.

OP posts:
ParadiseCity · 08/07/2017 21:07

Go with it op. Dare to Bear Bear

opinionatedfreak · 08/07/2017 21:10

I have a friend I've known since school. He has always been called "Peach". He recently asked me in advance of a social event to introduce him by his proper name as onky longstanding friends now use Peach.

I then totally fluffed the introduction as I couldnn't remember his proper name and the people we were meeting very obviously didn't believe me when we said we had know each other for more than 20 years.....

I'm afraid nick names evolve like this. It really is his choice about what to be called...

Original poster
Seriouslybeary · 08/07/2017 21:15

Is anyone else wondering what the op other children are called as Carey is unusual for a boy!

They are called Matthew and Steven. Or Batthew and Beven.
This post is so outing with a name like Carey it doesn't really matter if you know them all.

Carey is an old family surname and it's been used a few times through the generations. He has an Uncle Carey and a few second or third cousin Careys. The family is well spread out since the original Mr and Mrs Carey back in 18whatever.
I'd never really heard of it outside our family till the tv show The Good Wife. Maybe there's some distant family connection to the writer of the show.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 08/07/2017 21:17

I'm going to go against the grain and say I would try and change it back.

Probably by going back to Carey Barey for a while and then hopefully dropping the Barey. Bear is a cute nickname or Care Bear for informal purposes, but must be Carey in the school newsletter/on his work etc.

scootinFun · 08/07/2017 21:23

I knew a Groo at university and my DH family nickname is Horse (don't ask)

PetalHead · 08/07/2017 21:29

I like the name Carey too. The one it makes me think of is the media psychologist Cary Cooper. And there's Cary Grant and also some well known Careys with an e, both male and female.

I also think this thread shows you can spend your life with a daft nickname for various reasons, whatever your real name is - conventional or otherwise - so it's absolutely not something that's your fault for giving him an unusual name.

BertAndKhloe · 08/07/2017 21:33

Cary Elwes changed his name to be Cary! I like your idea of telling teachers to call him Bear at high school. Bear is a cool name!

SpiritedLondon · 08/07/2017 21:46

I worked with a lady whose sister was called Bear. I quite like it. He might decide when he's older that it's inappropriate so let's hope for you that's 13 and not 31. Although Dr Bear has quite a ring to it.

klip · 08/07/2017 23:17

That is so cute though. Brothers eh Grin

gracefull · 08/07/2017 23:28

I love this thread, it really brightened my evening and got me thinking about my own name.

My siblings gave me a nickname that is not a real name and nothing like my real name as a child. My parents adopted that nickname and it became my name, but I refused to change it legally. As I moved through into secondary school more people began to ask my real name, and gradually the nickname phased out. I'm now early 20s and at uni and professionally I am (/was) my real name. I still answer to both names, but I introduce myself as my real name. Only old friends and family call me my nickname now, and people who met me after the age of 18 probably don't even know nickname exists. I guess OP, at 8, my Mum would've sworn I'd be nickname forever, but she was wrong. Great that you're talking about it too. FWIW, I love Beary and he sounds like a character!

Madbum · 08/07/2017 23:38

We have a 'Squash' aged 10 and a 'Bumbum' aged 13 months Squash I don't mind so much I think he'll drop it and does respond to his real name too I'm just hoping to god 'Bumbum' doesn't stick glares at DP I tried to fight it since ten minutes after she was born but catch myself calling her it all the time! 🤦🏻‍♀️
I think Barey is cute though better than Bumbum any day of the week!

angelikacpickles · 08/07/2017 23:59

It turns out he's not entirely sure what his name is but his big brothers told him it was Bearey with a B so that must be right.

How on earth did he not know that his real name was Carey? Did he just not believe you when you had told him previously?

StillMedusa · 09/07/2017 00:36

I was known as 'Tufty' all the way through primary and then Grammar school (My surname was 'Tough' unfortunately) To this day all my oldest friends call my Tufty and would be hard pressed to remember my name is actually something very different.
Then those know know me via FB and internet life call me Jules, as do my family... others know me by a different name...and it's all ok. My actul name is neither of these options!

ps My friend's son is known as Bear ..he started life as Edward = teddy bear= Bear. He's 20 now and still Bear :D

BatFacedGirl · 09/07/2017 09:50

He surely must know he's called Carey?! Unless he's a toddler

I have a Teddy. He's not Edward or Theodore on his birth certificate, he's just Teddy.

I think you can guess his nickname Grin

Mermaid36 · 09/07/2017 10:05

My girls are Tilly and Mouse - they obviously have real names but everyone calls them by their nicknames

DoesHeWantToOrNot · 10/07/2017 00:44

I call my 7 month old stinky bum. Hopefully that won't stick Blush

yourerubberimglue · 10/07/2017 02:41

I love it ! Not that that's important but it's his name now ... it's what he thinks of as his same ... if my name was Annemarie and I'd gone by Annie for that long and someone decided to revert to Annemarie I'd hate it - could cause a psychological break of identity too ..

CareyNotCarrie · 10/07/2017 03:00

I've quickly namechanged as I'm a (female) Carey! I have to constantly tell people who try to correct me that my name must be pronounced Carrie or Kerry, that it's not. It's Care-ree.

My advice is let him be called Bearey. Though maybe that's because Carey for a boy sounds very odd to my ears.

SenecaFalls · 10/07/2017 04:27

No matter how much you love Carey it's a very odd name, especially for a boy.

I know this is the kiss of death for acceptable names on MN, but it's not unusual in the US. I know several although they are spelled Cary. I like it.

SenecaFalls · 10/07/2017 04:34

Also as an American, I am very familiar with the practice of using surnames as first names. My son has one. Smile

Carey is distinguished, as in Archbishop of Canterbury distinguished.

Tilapia · 10/07/2017 05:16

I was at uni with a Slug. I think his real name was David.

kateandme · 10/07/2017 05:17

aww leave it id say.he will change it as he grows older if he wants to.and so will lifes circumstances surrounding it.
some kids are ribbed or hate their nickname.this sounds like a really nice way to have one.id love it.would make me feel part of something with me and my folks and family

HookandSwan · 10/07/2017 06:25

I grew up with a boy called Joffy. His real name is Jonathan but his sister was too little to say it properly and called him Joffy. He's almost thirty and married. Still called Joffy lol

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