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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make my son stop using his nickname?

139 replies

Seriouslybeary · 08/07/2017 18:16

Namechanger here, if anyone recognises me irl they'll be laughing I'm sure.
When I was pregnant with my 3rd my older kids went through a phase of changing the first letter of their name to B. William Billiam, that sort of thing. Hilarious. Dc3 was born and we named him Carey. So he was immediately called Carey Barey. The B phase has long passed, but somehow Carey Barey stuck and he is now almost everywhere known as Bearey or Bear.
Fine, Bear is a perfectly valid name if you are Cheryl or Jamie Oliver. But it's not the name we chose. And Bearey is just ridiculous.
He gets quite ratty when I write his proper name, and has done since he started recognising letters. At nursery he insisted his name began with B. They asked me what they should do and I told them to just let him use B if he wanted to, assuming he would grow out of it. But no, almost at the end of yr3 and he still introduces himself as Bearey. People I don't really know often say politely "Oh you're Bearey's mum, what an unusual choice of name".
But what can I do now? I've left it too late.

WIBU to insist he uses his proper name now? I would be, wouldn't I?

His teacher for next year is new to the school and y4 up is in a different building so this would be a good time.

Or do I just leave it? Tell me when he gets to secondary school he's not going to still be introducing himself as Bearey? God I hate it so much. How did I let this happen? Me and my dad are the only people who insist on calling him by his proper name. Everyone else thinks Bearey is really cute and full of 'personality'.

OP posts:
SprinklesandIcecream · 08/07/2017 19:28

YABBU (You Are Being Beary Unreasonable of course Grin).

Sorry not much help. Very funny and sweet though Smile.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 08/07/2017 19:30

Ahhhhhh I love that nick name, also love that he gets arsey if you don't use it Grin
Sorry, I am aware that's not helpful...

PattyPenguin · 08/07/2017 19:32

Call him Carey, that's the name you gave him. Eveyone else will call him Bear or Bearey until he doesn't want to be called that anymore, if that ever happens.

As a PP has said, I know loads of people whose mothers / fathers are the only ones to call them by their given names. I always thought that was just the way families worked.

(Having said that, teachers at secondary school often stick with the given name on the register.)

worridmum · 08/07/2017 19:33

well its better then my sons nickname everyone calls him haney (which is a bloody play on our irish surname)

He has such a nice name but haney, thankfully he answers to both his name and nickname

Itsnotwhatitseems · 08/07/2017 19:34

I love that name OP, really unique and cute while hes young and then he can become bear when hes a grown man x

Stardustandicecream · 08/07/2017 19:36

I think this is what you get for calling your child a ridiculous name - the child doesn't want to be called it. No matter how much you love Carey it's a very odd name, especially for a boy. He's found s name he likes more and he wants it - it's his name so let it be.

Bear is a nice name

What's his middle name - could he use that?

UKrider · 08/07/2017 19:37

It's a great nickname. Leave him to use it if he wants.

I am only really known by my 'proper' name for work. My nickname from toddlerhood still is ok for me.

PavlovianLunge · 08/07/2017 19:37

I had a cousin named Catherine. When she was born, her older (but very young) brother couldn't say baby and kept talking about the bobby. She was known as Bobby all her life. I think things like that are really cute when they just happen and aren't contrived.

PetalHead · 08/07/2017 19:38

:) at Peggy! Peggy to me is an old lady with a headscarf.

OP I don't like my prissy-sounding first name much, and I would much rather be called Bear, Bearey would also be fine. It's actually quite nice.

I know you didn't name him it, but many people have lifelong nicknames and it's their choice really, not their parents'. I'd just try to get used to it and go with it.

"Oh you're Bearey's mum, what an unusual choice of name".

" :o Oh, it's not actually his name, it's a nickname" surely that's obvious

Another thing is that having an unusual name is a good thing these days if you need to be googleable or want your own domain name one day. If he becomes a journalist, academic, artist etc then it will be cool to be Bearey Smith or whatever.

Luncharmstrong · 08/07/2017 19:38

Carey to me means tooth decay.

I much prefer Bearey

Sorry , not helpful I know

sweetbitter · 08/07/2017 19:39

I think you should call him what you want, especially if it's the non-embarassing perfectly nice name you gave him at birth. But you can't stop him telling people to call him by the name of his choice...OK Bearey isn't the best, but Bear is really cool and Bearey is just an affectionate shortening of that.

CMOTDibbler · 08/07/2017 19:39

I have a friend who acquired a nickname based on the character on his favourite jumper when in playgroup. And that nickname he has been to everyone but his colleagues and PIL ever since - he's 45 now!
Don't stress about it, but just laugh it off as 'yes, it would be unusual, but his siblings started calling him it as a baby and it stuck! His names actually Carey'

Luncharmstrong · 08/07/2017 19:41

Miley Cyrus - miley is a nickname as she was always smiley as baby. He real name I think is Destiny ?

Sorry to be harsh but I think Carey is a terrible name and perhaps your son feels the same ?

The only person I know who has a childhood nickname that stuck wa s given a pretty awful "real" name.

Luncharmstrong · 08/07/2017 19:43

And YES YOUR BOY IS SUPER COOL !

overmydeadbody · 08/07/2017 19:46

It's hard when nicknames become the name everyone uses, but I'm not sure there is much you can do now.

Original poster
Seriouslybeary · 08/07/2017 19:47

I'm not upset that he has a nickname, just that it's such a ridiculous one. We don't even know how to spell it. Bearey, Beary, Barey, who knows.

We got a newsletter home from school with his name in it twice for different things, once they'd called him Barey and once Barry ffs. I feel like asking school to put a notice in the next newsletter-

"Mrs Seriouslybeary would like it to be known that her son's name is Carey. Not Beary or Bearey or Barey or Barry.

We did not choose to call our child Bearey we are well aware that it is ridiculous. Please stop asking us why we chose it. Ask his brothers instead.

And don't ask me how to spell it for party invitations because I don't know either. Thank you."

But I realise this would make me sound raving mad.

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 08/07/2017 19:48

We have a friend nicknamed Bear who's in his 40's. It looks kind of ridiculous when written like this but it doesn't feel odd, it just comes naturally to call him that.

I'd leave it.

WannaBe · 08/07/2017 19:48

I have a family member who changed his name by deed pole to Luke Skywalker. Grin. His rl name is Wayne, but most people don't know that. Grin.

hazelnutlatte · 08/07/2017 19:49

Oh dear, I have a toddler dd who is known by the nickname 'Bob.' It started as a joke but now everyone is calling her Bob and I don't seem to be able to stop it! She is going to be Bob forever isn't she?

FaithHopeCharityDesperation · 08/07/2017 19:49

I think it's cute too!

We used to call my youngest (Callum) Cally-Bally-Flip-Flop when he was tiny (no idea how it evolved to that) and it shortened to flip-flop for a while.
It only dawned on me how he'd started thinking of it as his name when he was about 3 or 4 - I was looking for my flip flops & shouted "where's my flip flop" and a little voice piped up "I'm here"...

He's 12 now & just gets called Cal by everyone, but still occasionally gets called flip flop by close family.

Original poster
Seriouslybeary · 08/07/2017 19:53

And he didn't choose it because he thinks his given name is ridiculous, he ended up with it because his brothers went through a phase of rhyming everything with B. But they havent carried on calling themselves Batthew and Beven.

There was a Carey in the American tv show The Good Wife but I think he might have been spelled Cary. Same actor who played Logan in Gilmore Girls. But thats beside the point.

OP posts:
Hotpinkangel19 · 08/07/2017 19:53

Haha 😂 My 2 sons are Bob and Brian. Neither one is their real name, and sound nothing like them either!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 08/07/2017 19:53

Yes, I agree, he is super cool, for sure !
Don't worry OP, Bearey will grow into a Bear, soon enough.
Aww so cute, and very impressive that he stands his ground, at such a young age, he'll go far !

MrsExpo · 08/07/2017 19:59

A little bit of Expo family history ...... My late DF was christened Arthur George: both sensible names. At the time (we're going back nearly 90 years) there was a newspaper cartoon strip called Baby Binky. Dad's older brother thought he looked like Binky so started to call him Bink.

Fast forward through a long and interesting life ..... Dads tombstone says "Here lies Bink ......." He was 86 when he died.

OP, you either nip this now or accept your child will be called Bearey for ever. It really won't hurt him .....

.

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 08/07/2017 19:59

Let him keep it.

My younger brothers had a nickname for me, as they were unable to say my full name once they started talking, it was just the second half of my name, so if it was "Amanda" they called me "Manda" (not my name) but not an actual "official" shortened version of my real name.

Eventually the rest of my family used it and I was know by that till I was 15, when i got all teenage girl stroppy and refused to answer to anything but my full name.

But now, I actually rather miss it, and wish I had not been such a stroppy teen. I get rather sadly nostalgic about my childhood nickname at times.