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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you knew you were done having kids?

128 replies

NotAnotherUserName5 · 07/07/2017 20:57

Just had our last DC 2 weeks ago.
We decided she is to be our last baby.

Have real mixed feelings over this, despite the logical part of me knowing it's the right thing!

For those of you done having kids, how did you know that was it for you? Or is there always that sadness when you have no more?

OP posts:
Sierra259 · 08/07/2017 08:08

Even now when I see new babies, I simultaneously think how much I want a cuddle and how glad I am that they aren't mine!!

^ This, exactly!

CigarsofthePharoahs · 08/07/2017 08:24

My head says no more.
Mine are 6 and 3. My 2nd pregnancy was hard, very sick and tired then pgp. He arrived at 36 weeks and I needed an EMCS.
My youngest has been a very clingy child and a terrible sleeper. I don't think I'd cope either mentally or physically with another pregnancy or birth and I have recently been diagnosed with fibromyalgia.
It would be very stupid to have another child.
And yet… can't help but see newborns and have a little emotional pang. My heart wants more.
I just keep reminding myself that I have neither space, money or health for more.

Curious2468 · 08/07/2017 08:35

I have 2 but both have asd. We have no support network outside of friends who have enough of their own issues to juggle. I always wanted more but that broodiness is completely gone now. I'm getting pets instead and hoping one day the kids are old enough/mellow enough to cope with us fostering or possibly adopting

toptomatoes · 08/07/2017 08:35

I didn't feel done at 2, but definitely done at 3. I get a bit sad I won't hold my new baby again or carry a baby around in a sling but I don't want any more children - 3 is a handful anyway!

Teabagtits · 08/07/2017 08:52

I have two, one is 7 the other three weeks. With the thrush, mastitis, cracked nipples, Velcro baby and sleep deprivation I often wish I'd stopped at one. I'm thankful I'm too old to have anymore.

mirime · 08/07/2017 08:55

I always wanted two, but then I had horrendous sickness (may have been HG but never diagnosed), pre-eclampsia, an induction that I found traumatic, third degree tear and I was on blood pressure medication for ages afterwards.

Never going to risk putting myself through that again. I decided one was fine.

7thInningStretch · 08/07/2017 09:00

I don't feel done at 2 but I know what lies ahead in the older years and it wouldn't be fair to have more. They wouldn't get anything from it so I guess I feel it would be selfish. It's better to concentrate on these two and have the time to take them to their clubs/sports etc. We can save a healthy amount for these two for Uni fees or a down payment. But in my heart I'd love more.

thecatsarecrazy · 08/07/2017 09:01

When 2 out of 3 of my children are deaf. Moderately deaf but enough to need hearing aids. That was the deciding factor for sure. Husband has booked himself in for snip

IrritatedUser1960 · 08/07/2017 09:01

The very second after having the first one. Love him loads but no more.

PumpkinPie2016 · 08/07/2017 09:15

My son's birth was traumatic for me (he was fine), his sleep was truly awful until he was 18 months old and he has always been very demanding so we have stopped at one.

We love him to bits and he's 3.7 now so getting more independent which makes things easier plus my career is going really well at the moment so I couldn't face going back to the baby stage again.

n0ne · 08/07/2017 09:21

Pregnant with DC2, I'm sure I'm done. DD1 is a delight most of the time at 4yo but raising kids is bloody hard work, and I'm not looking forward to doing the newborn/toddler bit all over again. And this pg has been really hard, no way I'm putting myself (and my family) through that again. 2 is plenty.

coldcanary · 08/07/2017 09:23

About half way through my third pregnancy I just thought nope that's it, I can't do it ever again.
DH thought exactly the same and had the snip.

mumoffour1716154 · 08/07/2017 09:24

My kids are aged 17,16, 15 and 4. I felt I was done after 3rd child, as planned on working full time instead of part time when 3rd DC at secondary. But fell pregnant with baby 4.

I suppose you could look what your future ideals and goals are, how you are coping with child you have.

PsychoPumpkin · 08/07/2017 10:00

We have 3. Our youngest is 7 months. She's completed our family & now when others have babies, I feel no broodiness at all. Plus she's sleeping through & I'd quite like to sleep through myself now for the rest of my life!

Sparklingbrook · 08/07/2017 10:02

Now that we are at the stage where DC1 is going to be starting University this year I am v glad we only have 2. It's going to be v expensive.

LBOCS2 · 08/07/2017 12:18

Realising what a struggle it is to give all of our DC the individual attention and interaction they need when DSS is here. When he's around there are three of them ranging from 10 to 1yo, and they need very different things from us. It wouldn't be fair to bring another child into that, we feel at the limit of what we can give (which is not to say that other people can't with more - it's just us).

Also, I had a 'massive obstetric haemorrhage' after having DD2 which left DH a bit traumatised over the whole thing and he's not keen on going through it again.

Witchend · 08/07/2017 13:20

I wanted 4, dh wanted 3.

I thought I'd probably persuade him on another after dc3 was born, but somehow I knew that I was done and didn't feel the urge.. It was the point where dc3 started activities and I sat there chatting rather than chasing a toddler around that did me.

I wouldn't be devastated if I found I was pg again, bit equally well I wouldn't be thrilled immediately. I do look at newborns and slightly feel "oh I'll never have another tiny one" but not in a "must go and try again" king of way.

KeiraTwiceKnightley · 08/07/2017 13:33

I wanted 3 but my health in pg meant 2 was all I could have. Felt wistful for years until they were 10 and 8 and we went on holiday to California for 3 weeks - what we did would never have worked with a smaller one in tow. Plus 3 kids much more complicated re hotel rooms etc. Made my peace with it then.

Mikethenight2good · 08/07/2017 18:11

We have 2, youngest is a baby. We wanted 3, but a bit undecided. Husband is happy with 2.
We went on holiday recently and I realised "same shit different location". Sold all my baby stuff when we came home.

theancientmarinader · 08/07/2017 18:25

No.3 broke during labour. A brain damaged newborn with two siblings under 3 wasn't a huge amount of fun. Dh had his vasectomy booked before dc3 left scbu. Raising a physically disabled child is exhausting both mentally and physically. Trying to do so whilst balancing the needs of other small people is a feat. Sometimes it's worth asking 'what if' - I love the bones of dc3 (and would have had at least one more) but the logistics and financial considerations are enormous. You don't get to pick and choose and sometimes the unexpected happens. And yeah - putting three kids through university? I am freaking the fuck out, frankly....

SpaghettiMeatballs · 08/07/2017 18:42

theancientmarinader that's hard on you. Flowers

pigface I often think about women really only two generations ago without reliable contraception. I fell pregnant first month both times. I reckon there's a good chance I'd have been one of those poor women with 10 children... one of my great grandmothers had 13 and another had 8!

Whatsername17 · 08/07/2017 18:49

I don't deal with pregnancy well - my blood pressure becomes high despite being slim and healthy, I have a clotting issue too so I'm under consultant care from the off. We decided we wanted 2, but what really confirmed two was enough was a mmc at 13 weeks and then getting pregnant with dd2 and experiencing reduced movements, which turned out to be because the cord was wrapped around her neck. I'm too frightened to even consider getting pregnant again. My mmc almost destroyed me, the thought that I could have lost dd2 makes me feel sick. I have nothing but admiration and respect for the women who go on to get pregnant again after the loss of a child. I'm just not strong enough and could not face pregnancy again.

strawberrypenguin · 08/07/2017 18:54

I just knew! Sorry that's really not helpful is it. After DS2 was born our family just feels 'complete'.

Onedaylikethi5ayear · 08/07/2017 18:55

About halfway though my emcs with DD1, never again. I'm excited about her being an only.

StinkyMcgrinky · 08/07/2017 18:57

DS1 I went into labour naturally at 36 weeks, spent 1.5weeks in hospital with terrible jaundice that almost resulted in a blood transfusion. Doctors and midwives said his early birth was just one of those things they couldn't explain.

Fell pregnant with DS2 unexpectedly when ds1 was 9 months old. I went into premature labour at 34 weeks this time and he spent 2 weeks in the nicu with feeding tubes.

No explanation but we have been told if we were to have another it is highly likely they would also be premature. So we're done Smile

That and DS2 is has just turned 1 and has yet to sleep through the night!