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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you knew you were done having kids?

128 replies

NotAnotherUserName5 · 07/07/2017 20:57

Just had our last DC 2 weeks ago.
We decided she is to be our last baby.

Have real mixed feelings over this, despite the logical part of me knowing it's the right thing!

For those of you done having kids, how did you know that was it for you? Or is there always that sadness when you have no more?

OP posts:
JennyLane · 07/07/2017 21:17

You know all those "adorable" newborn videos that do the rounds in Facebook... like the one where the baby reaches out to touch it's mums face etc

They stopped doing anything for me. I have no inclination to ever watch one born again and when our youngest grows out of stuff I started thinking "thank fuck I never have to see that Moses basket/baby bath/jumperoo again"

In absolute honesty I asked the very same question you have asked whilst pregnant with number three. I didn't imagine ever feeling done. Now I am soooooooooooo done!

RatOnnaStick · 07/07/2017 21:17

We've only got room and finances for two. I've never felt much in the way of maternal desire even before we had any so there's never been any issue with thoughts of any more.

SergeantAngua2016 · 07/07/2017 21:18

I feel guilty as hell that DS will be our lonely only, I absolutely hate the thought of him being without siblings when DH and I are no longer around.
However, there really is no way I can do it again. Terrible HG pregnancy, traumatised by birth, hellish first few months with newborn DS, and ongoing PND. I just can't put myself and my family through it again. Sometimes I just look at him and cry though.

OuchBollocks · 07/07/2017 21:19

neolara I had that dream and it gave me the absolute horrors.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 07/07/2017 21:19

I am middle of three and I knew 100% I did not want 3DC (and I couldn't cope with 4 - too old to produce after DC2 anyway)

JennyLane · 07/07/2017 21:19

@SaucyJack yes! Why is that?!
I can take any two out without a problem but you add that third one to the mix and it's as if they smell the weakness

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 07/07/2017 21:20

I have a 5 week ds2. My god, I'm done. I love him deeply but it has been so fucking hard to go back to having a baby and all the difficulties that brings. Added to an unenjoyable pregnancy and yet another shit labour, and I am truly done.

BlahBlahBlahEtc · 07/07/2017 21:22

We were done after one when we realised he didn't nap after eighteen months and he was exhausting

I feel your pain!

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 07/07/2017 21:22

Oh , yes I've had the pregnancy dreams too.

I'm 51 , there's no WAY that I'm doing seven years again of playdates'n'school runs not even thinking of years of childcare fees

The relief to wake up is palpable

eeniemeenieminiemoe2014 · 07/07/2017 21:25

When I realised Im an awful mother who cant even provide for the two I already have :|

Montsti · 07/07/2017 21:26

I'm currently pregnant with no.4 (we both really wanted 4)...I'm old and 5 is just too many for us for various reasons...my eldest is a boy and my subsequent 3 are/will be girls - I would've loved another boy but only part of my 4...I'll be using my "spare" boys names on future family pets!!

We definitely won't be having more and I'll be shocked if I feel broody again in my life....

Hellagoodhair · 07/07/2017 21:27

We went back and forth after dc2, I just didn't feel finished. I'm now pregnant with dc3 and I know I'm done; I feel content and as though our family is done (though dc3 is yet to make an appearance!).

wheredoesallthetimego · 07/07/2017 21:27

when someone gives me a newborn to cuddle, I'm very pleased to give it back!

JennyLane · 07/07/2017 21:29

I must add, I have the slightest wobble every time I hear someone use our boy name... we already have a son and now two daughters. I'm happy and blessed to have two girls but I was convinced dd2 was my Henry. Had I known i would only have one son I would have fought tooth and nail for that name 🙁

JennyLane · 07/07/2017 21:30

@wheredoesallthetimego
I'm still in the "no thanks, I'm good" stage 😂

DramaAlpaca · 07/07/2017 21:31

Oh god yes, the pregnancy dream. I had one of those the other night and was so relieved to wake up. I'm 53 for goodness sake, there's no way it could happen, but oh the fear in that dream.

Branleuse · 07/07/2017 21:33

I just really didnt want anymore. Im quite happy with the three ive got. Theyre a massive handful as it is

mistermagpie · 07/07/2017 21:34

I have a nearly two-year-old DS and a three months old DS and I just don't know if I'm done. I always wanted three (nothing to do with wanting a girl, I would be happy with three boys) and had great pregnancies and births, so nothing to put me off in terms of that. But I think I would be a better mother and we might be a happier family if we stick at two. It's a total head/heart thing for me, my heart feels sad if I think I won't do it again but my head thinks it might be for the best... I guess I'm still not sure.

minifingerz · 07/07/2017 21:35

Third wasn't planned but was very welcome, but having 3 under 6 and two under two (plus dog and working) was plenty. I just knew that I couldn't cope with more than three. If I'm perfectly honest I don't cope that well with three.

GinIsIn · 07/07/2017 21:35

I could be pregnant again, that's fine. And I could have a baby from 8 weeks onwards. But I couldn't do those first 4 horrific weeks again, no bloody way. We are one and done!

Doilooklikeatourist · 07/07/2017 21:36

Wanted 2
Had 2
Knew I was done ( as was DH )
Oh yes the pregnant dream nightmare
Woke up with the metal taste and the achy boobs
Could only speak in a cross voice , but it was only a dream nightmare

imonaplane · 07/07/2017 21:36

When I ended up with 3 children under 2!

Oysterbabe · 07/07/2017 21:40

We don't have the space or money for a 3rd. Plus I'll be 37 when this one arrives. I'll feel sad though when we're getting rid of stuff that I'm done with babies.

DianneDionne · 07/07/2017 21:41

mistermagpie I feel exactly the same but DS1 is 4 and DS2 is 2, my heart wants another but my head knows it's not a good idea. I really disliked being pregnant too, but I could probably put up with it. My DH doesn't want another as he's found the baby stage so hard and at the minute both of my boys are being difficult which is not helping my case.

The fact I'm jealous of anyone sharing baby news tells me I'm not done.

flupi · 07/07/2017 21:44

I have 3. When I fell pregnant with the 3rd, it just felt right, complete. There's a 3 year age gap between each child and that's worked really well. They all have always got on. I wouldn't have been able to cope with 2 in nappies at the same time.