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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you knew you were done having kids?

128 replies

NotAnotherUserName5 · 07/07/2017 20:57

Just had our last DC 2 weeks ago.
We decided she is to be our last baby.

Have real mixed feelings over this, despite the logical part of me knowing it's the right thing!

For those of you done having kids, how did you know that was it for you? Or is there always that sadness when you have no more?

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 07/07/2017 22:06

The decision was pretty much taken out of our hands. DS1 came at 33 weeks, DS2 'tried' to come at 26 (born at 37). Miscarried after that and doctors advised against trying again as they would just come earlier and earlier. I was 36. We were 'ok' with the decision but I was 'broody' until I turned 40. DS2 turned 5, started kindergarten, and it was like a light went off; I didn't want another child. I really understood the freedom of having your children in school and not 'needing' something every second of the day.

Krispiesquare · 07/07/2017 22:06

Hey OP

I had my third 8 months ago. Deep down I always knew she would be my last as we are pushing it for space and realistically moving to a bigger house isn't feasible for us but if we could then I'd have a fourth in a heart beat.

I pined for a while, was a little sad that I wouldn't have any more but now that she's getting out of that difficult stage and starting to sleep through the night I'm quite happy to sell on the baby bits, and look forward to watching my children's relationship with each other develop. I also like planning for the future knowing this is my family and her we are complete

I suppose I 'knew' when I decided to start putting the too small baby cloths on eBay. No big revelation just a "the loft is bursting with stuff we are unlikely to use, let's chuck ir on eBay" kind of way

IWantABlueBanana · 07/07/2017 22:08

I have 4 dc, 3 very prem,1 moderately prem.

Only one didn't need intervention and we could take home the next day. The eldest spent 3 weeks and 8 weeks for the last two(twins) in nicu/scbu.

I wonder if my brains wired wrong, I would love some more. But my body just can't do it. My consultant was going to cut my tubes in the last minute emergency section, but I got into surgery with the gas mask on my face being counted down and had to push.

Dh has now been for the snip twice. His bf had a baby at the weekend, even he was saying he would have another. But no, enoughs enough sadly

MrsBobDylan · 07/07/2017 22:09

I wanted/want a fourth, thought I'd achieved it but had my 3rd miscarriage a month ago at 12 weeks. It was the worst miscarriage yet and there was a complication which meant at one point both dh and I thought I was on my way out.

I have loads of reasons why a fourth is a terrible idea but the urge has yet to go. I don't know if we'll try again.

AngryofTunbridgeWells · 07/07/2017 22:11

This thread is weird as I was thinking similar today as I pee'd on a stick (unlikely to be pg but have not had my period so was / am wondering why.)
I knew, or know, I was done as babies don't interest me any more. I love my DS more than anything but I don't want to go through the whole pregnancy, baby etc thing again. At all! I value the time we have and the relationship we have and have no urge to try and do it again.

Trills · 07/07/2017 22:12

It's really interesting that you think of it that way around.

It's as if you feel that you will have more kids, and that choosing not to is a specific decision.

I would have thought that not having more was the default, and choosing to have another was a specific decision.

Nicpem1982 · 07/07/2017 22:14

I knew I was done after one dd after about 4 months of being pregnant I had hyperamesis, fainted all over town, Pgp and then a botched induction 😂

I love my dd with all of my being but can't risk being incapacitated for 9 months

Hedgehog80 · 07/07/2017 22:15

Thought I was done with #3 but when she was a couple of days old I knew I wanted to do it again.
Had #4 and due to very strange and upsetting circumstances was sterilised then realised I wanted #5. It's been really hard

sunshineunicorn · 07/07/2017 22:17

When a close friend announces they are pregnant and subsequently shows of their newborn and it does absolutely nothing for you. You just feel relieved it can be handed back.
My last pregnancy was hard, by body was knackered, the labour was horrible, the sleepless nights intolerable. Our house is too small, our car is full and our bank account is empty. I can't do it again but more importantly I don't want to do it again.
But I have 4 healthy and happy dc so I have my fair share

VinIsGroot · 07/07/2017 22:20

Babies are so easy... Kids are hard work!!! I have 3 but wished I had 3 knees '

CointreauVersial · 07/07/2017 22:22

We decided beforehand we wanted three.

We had three, we stopped.

Never had any second thoughts about the decision.

Pigface1 · 07/07/2017 22:33

Reading these responses I can't help thinking that there was a time not very long ago at all when women had little to no control or choice over the number of babies they had. Obviously not criticising anyone for their choices - we are just really lucky compared to generations of women before us!

Trills · 07/07/2017 22:36

God, yes Pigface.

I'm reading the Cazalet Chronicles at the moment (definitely recommended, set from 1937 onwards) and a woman who is 42 with 3 children aged 7-15 can't quite bring herself to ask her doctor if there is any way she could possibly become unpregnant. Everyone just assumes that of course she's happy. She's not.

mellongoose · 07/07/2017 22:39

I have one beautiful perfect fantastic DD (2.5) Straight forward pregnancy and birth. A bit of PND. Am on the old side but could definitely squeeze in another if we got our skates on. DH won't entertain the idea of number 2.

My heart aches.

I have to pull myself together and remember how lucky I am. I wish I could be less emotional and less hormonal dammit!!!!

MyCalmX · 07/07/2017 22:41

I'm wavering. I sometimes feel I'll regret dc3 and then think l might regret not having a dc3 Confused

I've just turned 40 so need to decide soon, dh has always wanted 3 which makes me question if that's why I'm thinking maybe one more.

Amee1992x · 07/07/2017 22:43

I'm not really sure, we had our DS and were content with that, by 2 we decided to try again resulted in a DD still born. Pregnant with twins now, I think the twins will be the end for us

ohidoliketobe · 07/07/2017 22:47

Have DS (3) and DD (1) and I'm done. Always wanted 3 maybe 4. DH still v.keen to have more. But:
2 pregnancies with bad hyperemesis (2nd pregnancy worse).
2 quick labours (2nd labour quicker - 3 hours 1st contraction to delivery)
2 post partum haemorrhages (2nd one worse)
2 tears and stiches (2nd worse)
Spotting a pattern here!?

2 in 2 years was a lot to put my body through. I can't bear to think about doing it again. Adoption is a possibility in the future.

Fifthtimelucky · 08/07/2017 05:50

I have 2 children. Ideally I would have liked 3 or 4 (I'm one of 4 myself, and 2 seemed a very small family). However, I had my first child at 36, the second at 39 and I thought trying for a third would be pushing my luck, especially as it had taken me longer to get pregnant for the second time than I had hoped it would. 2 was certainly more manageable financially and practically too. No free childcare in my day, and no help from family because they lived too far away.

Buthewasstillhungry · 08/07/2017 05:56

When DH said that if I wanted another, it would have to be with my second husband. :(

IAmNotAWitch · 08/07/2017 06:36

I would like a 3rd, but realistically it isn't going to happen.

We can provide very well for our two and a 3rd would mean a major change in lifestyle.

I am 40 and so the risks have all increased and with two healthy children should I roll the dice again?

But still, sometimes I think it might be worth it...

TrollMummy · 08/07/2017 06:46

When DD2 was about 3 I just knew that didn't want to do the baby stage again. I grew up in a large family and I saw what hard work it was for my parents. My experience as a child left me feeling that having more would mean that everyone gets a bit less of me as a parent and we would all be less well off financially. I wanted to do the very best for the kids I already had and based on our circumstances any more children would have impacted on my ability to do that.

Flanderspigeonmurderer · 08/07/2017 06:51

After my first it took me years to feel ready for another. I had awful PND. Number two is a few months old. I'm doing better this time round but I can't see myself having any more. It's a long hard slog raising kids and I think having another would make our lives very difficult.

SnackSnackEatAndCrave · 08/07/2017 07:14

I knew straight after DD was born. I used to want a huge family, at least 4 DC, but one is perfect for us.
Cheesy as it sounds, as soon as they gave her to me, I knew I was done. She was exactly how I imagined and I just can't picture another baby now.
I think about pregnancy and the newborn stage and I'd love to do it again (even though it was stupidly hard) but more like I want to start all over again with DD, not have a second child.
I was terrified of telling DP and shattering his dreams of a big family, but after about 6 weeks when we started packing baby clothes away he said "we won't need these again, will we?" and I cried with relief!

Sierra259 · 08/07/2017 07:24

We just felt 2 was right for a number of reasons - size of house/car, financially, I don't want to put my body/pelvic floor through it again, feeling like a third would just be too much in terms of what we can offer them emotionally, me not wanting to have another year off from work on mat leave, high risk pregnancies due to a previous condition of mine, I'm one of 3 and always felt one of us got a bit left out, mine and DH's ages.

I've had an emotional wobble recently now DC2 is nearly 2 but I absolutely know that I do not want to start all over again with a newborn. I'm another one who really doesn't enjoy the baby stage!

1lov3comps · 08/07/2017 07:28

Have 2 with a 6 year gap, found DD quite full on as a baby and toddler and only when she was due to start school did we think about having any more. Had easy pregnancies both times, labour on DD was awful but DS's was a piece of cake, born 10 mins after I got into hospital and when they handed him to me, I remember being so happy but knowing that I'd never do it again. Even now when I see new babies, I simultaneously think how much I want a cuddle and how glad I am that they aren't mine!!