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Original poster

to not know how to explain transgender child in DD's class

365 replies

Peaches44 · 05/07/2017 20:01

I'm sorry if this comes across offensive but I am incredibly naive when it comes to these kinds of issues.

DD has a boy in her class, they are in reception year. At the start of the year she asked if the DC was a boy or girl and I could only answer as being not sure. The mother is very quiet so I hadn't heard her refer to the child as a he or she. The name is more 'boy' but could possibly be a girls also, the child wears a mixture of girls and boys uniforms and on non-school uniform days they wear girls clothes.

DD now knows he is a boy, but he is apparently allowed in the girls toilets and DD at 4 doesn't understand why, she also said a few other boys see this boy able to go in the girls and the boys follow.

She has asked a few times why he does tis etc. and I don't know the right answer, they are likely to be in the same school year for the whole of primary so they are questions I need to answer but I don't know how.

Would the mother be offended if I talked with her about it??

OP posts:
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sticklebrix · 05/07/2017 22:27

OP I'd probably tell my child something along the lines of 'I don't know whether X is a girl or a boy. You can't really tell that from the clothes that they wear. Lots of boys like wearing pink shoes. Girls and boys can just wear what they want'

Then I'd speak to the teacher to work out what the situation is and what the children are being taught. Completely agree with NewYear's on this.

ALittleBitOfButter · 05/07/2017 22:28

For the poster who said if 4 was too young, then what age is appropriate:

When the child gets itself onto tumblr.

HTH

Original poster
Peaches44 · 05/07/2017 22:29

phase2016 I am certainly not making it up Hmm

As far as I can see the school don't seem to be doing very much about it other than allowing him to use the opposite toilet and there is no 'rule' about wearing one uniform or another as long as its the right colours.

OP posts:
FirstShinyRobe · 05/07/2017 22:31

Can the kids wear any of the uniforms?

If not, is there a trigger to allow the wearing of that of opposite sex?

Popfan · 05/07/2017 22:35

Granny, seeing as the thread is titled 'how to explain the transgender child in DDs class' I would say that yes, people are saying the child is transgender......

Original poster
Peaches44 · 05/07/2017 22:35

There is nothing to specify that the boys wear x and the girls wear y. There is summer dresses the girls can wear, and an option of a jumper or cardigan but boys or girls could wear a combination of any.

OP posts:
Popfan · 05/07/2017 22:37

No issues with children wearing whatever they like - it's the labelling I take issue with.

grannytomine · 05/07/2017 22:41

Popfan, not people the OP who doesn't know what the situation is, if parents think the child is transgender or is just going through a phase and at the start of the thread wasn't even sure if the child in question was a boy or girl. People are critisizing the school and parents and saying it is madness etc but no one knows that they think the child is transgender.

BusyBeez99 · 05/07/2017 22:45

A transgender 4 year old? What on earth is the world coming to

Original poster
Peaches44 · 05/07/2017 22:48

I personally think if the parents thought it was just a phase/likes wearing the other clothes that using the girl's toilets is a step too far. You can't just choose where you like to go, there are boundaries like that for a reason especially as the school goes up to age 11, a unisex toilet is inappropriate.

OP posts:
Herculesupatree · 05/07/2017 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Popfan · 05/07/2017 22:52

Hmmm I see what you are saying granny, although the thread title does make it confusing! However, there have been reports ( if they are to be believed) of children being labelled at Infant school age by their parents which I do think is wrong. Let the child experiment by all means and support it but not go crazy and see doctors etc as it could (and probably is) a phase.

JigglyTuff · 05/07/2017 22:57

I would definitely ask the school what the policy is viz toilets. If the rule is that the boys use boys' toilets and the girls use girls' ones, then that applies to all children. Regardless of whatever nonsense a child's parents believe.

ALittleBitOfButter · 05/07/2017 23:34

I think that if the child has been told the school toilets are divided on gender "feelings" rather than biological sex, then this is a clear transing of a child.

OP, ask the school if the girls are required to change in the boys' toilets after a rugby lesson. You need to determine whether the school understands the difference between sex and gender.

This poster, who has a trans best friend, doesn't understand it:

Lazyafternoon
I have a close friend who is non-binary trans. They don't identify as male or female. They are perfectly aware what gender they were born as/ are. But that's not how they FEEL. They don't get 'girl' stuff. But neither fit in with 'bloke' stuff

So simplistic. You and your friend need to read gender critical feminist thought.

TabascoToastie · 06/07/2017 00:37

I am very well-educated on feminist theory (including gender critical theory) and I am a radical feminist and women's rights activist, and I am 100% trans friendly. I do not agree with transing children, and I believe transgenerism and the new trend of gender neutral are complete opposites. Actual trans people have little to do with the whole Tumblr social justice "my personal pronoun is cupcake" trend and the two sides are pretty against each other. I don't know of any actual trans person who condones transing a pre-teen.

On the other hand, allowing a young child to wear the clothes they feel comfortable in (not forcing girls into dresses and pink just because they have a vagina) is just good parenting.

The ignorance on this thread is very disheartening, especially the inaccurate comments about intersexed individuals and the history of transexuality. The are legitmate arguments being made but there is a also lot of knee-jerk bigotry and scaremongering. A very small child who may or may not be biologically female using a girl's loo doesn't justify all this angst.

ALittleBitOfButter · 06/07/2017 00:56

"I don't know of any actual trans person who condones transing a pre-teen."
Then why are people afraid of criticising it? Psychologists, social workers, paediatricians. The idea must have materialised out of a puff of smoke.

Or, just because you don't personally know anyone doesn't mean they don't exist.

clairewilliams999 · 06/07/2017 01:05

tell your child the other child has inadequate and stupid parents who have confused their poor 4 year old child

clairewilliams999 · 06/07/2017 01:10

I am a radical feminist and women's rights activist, and I am 100% trans friendly

100% contradiction there. a radical feminist who promotes removing safe spaces that females can use away from predatory men. trampling all over the sacrifice of actual feminists such as the sufraggetes who died to try and bring equality to femails. A useful idiot for the trans loonies more like.

ALittleBitOfButter · 06/07/2017 01:22

Does 100% trans friendly mean you're friendly with Stef-on-knee Wolscht and the cotton ceiling? No room for critical thought?

VestalVirgin · 06/07/2017 01:23

Or, just because you don't personally know anyone doesn't mean they don't exist.

I would guess that the "No true trans" fallacy is at work here. Can't imagine anyone would not at least have heard of trans who condone the transing of children.

100% contradiction there.

Indeed.
No radical feminist condones violence against trans people, so if you mean that you want trans people to be safe from male violence, you don't have to call yourself "trans friendly".

If you are for taking away women's safe spaces, you aren't a radical feminist. It is in the definition. You might be a libfem, but a radfem, you are not.

MrsOverTheRoad · 06/07/2017 01:24

My DD is very good friends with a trans child. She just accepts that "X prefers to be a girl" (DD's words)

She doesn't worry about it at all.

ALittleBitOfButter · 06/07/2017 01:24

Oh wait, no, you're a hateful TERF bigot with the rest of us because you don't support transing children or the non-binary fad.

Perhaps you need to stop crying transphobia given you too are picking and choosing what you support. Lots of us have trans friends, rells and colleagues we support and get along with.

VestalVirgin · 06/07/2017 01:25

tell your child the other child has inadequate and stupid parents who have confused their poor 4 year old child

Yes.

But also warn your child that it might not be advisable to point at the boy and say "There's a boy in the girls' toilet". As she might be punished for saying the truth.
(I hope they wouldn't beat her to death for being a "terf" but I am not even sure they'd shy away from that.)

BeeThirtythree · 06/07/2017 01:45

DD at 3- She has no interest in princesses, loves football, refuses to wear a dress/accessories, only trainers not pretty shoes...her reason for saying she wants to be a boy? Because daddy is a boy and the Spurs team are boys...not because she is transgender! Due to extremely bad PND, DH spent a lot of time with DD.

At 4, DD has seen mummy apply makeup, made friends with dress wearing friends at nursery, likes pink, likes glitter...still will not wear a dress but will let me put her hair up!

If at 3/early 4 I had encouraged the 'being a boy' , how would it have affected DD?

It does make me think how much young children change!

VestalVirgin · 06/07/2017 01:50

It does make me think how much young children change!

If at 14 she still loved football, didn't like pink, and so on and so forth ... would you then consider it justifiable to trans her?

I should hope not!

It is perfectly normal for a girl to like football and dislike pretty shoes. Doesn't make her any less female.