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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Children at weddings

234 replies

mintich · 05/07/2017 13:57

Not exactly AIBU, but what do you think of children/babies at weddings? Do you get offended if they aren't invited? Do you prefer to go to adult only weddings?

OP posts:
BackforGood · 05/07/2017 15:24

Personally I prefer child free, but does depend a lot on the circumstances. When mine were young, I DEFINITELY preferred to go without them - no fun at all wrestling 3 bored small children through a 40minure church service then couple of hours standing round making conversation then a meal they've had no choice over then a load of speeches then more small talk.
However, there's nothing that divides MNers more evenly than this one Grin - well except shoes on or off maybe Wink

Aria2015 · 05/07/2017 15:27

I prefer adult only weddings. The exception being one wedding I went to where they had gone out of their way to cater for children and the children had special entertainment, play area etc...

Wouldn't be the least bit offended if my lo wasn't invited to a wedding. Even if he were invited, we wouldn't take him lol!

kali110 · 05/07/2017 15:28

In my experience they will begin contemplating taking the baby out if it goes into a full-blown, purple-faced, screaming tantrum - thought it'll take them about five minutes to actually do so.
Last one i went too people around us couldn't hear a thing as the kids were crying and other was talking and screeching Confused
They did not take them out.

lalaloopyhead · 05/07/2017 15:34

I don't mind too much either way, though if I can't get childcare I can't go. That is up to the B&G then. If I preferred childfree but had a good friend who couldn't come without their DC I can't imagine putting my foot down and still saying no.

I was invited to a wedding once but had to decline as it was childfree and I had a baby at the time and no one to babysit. I asked if it would be ok to pop by for half an hour (it was local and garden party style) early evening to wish them well and see them and I was told no! Each to their own but I felt that a bit harsh - saved me buying a gift though I suppose.

drinkingtea · 05/07/2017 15:36

badg3r - I totally agree about "we want you to be able to enjoy yourself so no kids please" - it's so incredibly condescending!

Exactly the same mentality as people who phrase asking for a favour as giving the favour doer a big treat ("I thought you'd like to feed the cat for me while I'm on my 3 month 'round the world trip, I know you like cats, you'll love it, don't forget the litter tray..."

fannydaggerz · 05/07/2017 15:37

It's easier to take my son to weddings as childcare is awful.

Children make weddings imo

JayneAusten · 05/07/2017 15:41

I don't go to weddings if I'm invited without my family. Personal choice. I find weddings without children a bit boring and shallow. Mind you, I find a lot of 'our big day' type weddings a bit ridiculous. Again, personal choice though. Bride and groom can do whatever they like, and so can the guests.

drinkingtea · 05/07/2017 15:44

BackforGood tbh the wedding you describe sounds slightly less fun than watching paint dry for adults too...

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 05/07/2017 15:45

Children should be welcome at weddings, however I'll add a caveat - I think it depends on their parents and how well they control look after their children (a young child screamed through our vows, not the child's fault of course but their parents should have taken them out the ceremony room to calm down!).

Roughlyroughrough · 05/07/2017 15:47

I love to see children at weddings. I think a wedding is an opportunity for all family and friends to get together and celebrate. If you exclude children you are probably excluding some of your friends and family as well, as who babysits?

Misspilly88 · 05/07/2017 15:48

I prefer child free weddings. It's a chance to catch up and reminisce and feel like an actual person again (I've got young ones!). It has meant we have missed several when our dc was too little to be left, or just one of us would attend but I totally understand. Our wedding was child free too, it was brilliant. The drunken evening dancing was no place for little ones and our parent friends thanked us for having no children there.
A wedding is whatever the couple want it to be...

GahBuggerit · 05/07/2017 15:50

I love kids at weddings, like watching them having fun and it generally means no-one gets massively drunk very quickly. They usually go home early with their parents so anyone who simply cant enjoy themselves in the presence of children (urgh the horror) can let their hair down then.

Coastalcommand · 05/07/2017 15:52

We had loads of kids at ours - most of our friends and some family have little ones. It made it even more special.

selfishcrab · 05/07/2017 15:55

At our wedding we had our children and friends and their children... family weren't really invited as a) don't see them b) our friends and their kids are more important to us!
I can see good in both sorts of wedding but I'm also a bit odd as I don't enjoy weddings.

sysysysref · 05/07/2017 15:58

Family children (nieces, nephews, first cousins) should be at weddings any other children then no. I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where general guests brought their children. I certainly can't think of much worse than taking mine

TheClacksAreDown · 05/07/2017 15:59

Have a child free wedding if you want but

  • don't make out that this is for my benefit, it isn't
  • don't get upset if I can't/won't come
  • bear in mind it may decrease costs for you but dramatically increases them for me. I have no free family childcare so even if I can get our nanny to do the weekend time it costs us a lot.
  • also consider that a DH and I work full time during the week, the weekend is when we really get to see the kids and indeed each other. So if you choose to have a no kids wedding hours away from the city in which you and I both live and I do manage to make arrangements to come, don't get pissy with me if I cannot attend all the extra Friday and Sunday events you've decided to lay on.
exexpat · 05/07/2017 16:09

I would never insist that a wedding is child-free, but I can see the appeal.

DP and I are getting married next year, but we are ancient (nearly 50) and none of our friends have really small children (babies/preschool age). Although we are inviting friends including their children, we are kind of hoping that most of the ones whose children don't really know us will leave them behind (we may drop subtle hints along those lines...).

My DCs and nephews and nieces are all teenagers, and they will be there, as will a few other children of close friends who also know us, but I know from experience that younger children at weddings can get incredibly bored, don't like the food, are hungry at the wrong times etc etc, and the venue we have booked will not have any running-around space if the weather is bad. We will try and lay on some entertainment for children, but it will be tricky.

And as space is limited, for every potentially bored child who stays at home, we can fit in a friend who might actually want to be there, which seems like a better outcome all round. But we certainly won't be excluding any close friends because they don't have childcare.

malin100 · 05/07/2017 16:09

Can anyone tell me the accepted cut off age for when only babies are allowed but not kids? My 8 month old isn't invited to any of our weddings this year. Totally get that there's a huge difference between 8 weeks and 8 months but still nobody seems to understand the difficulties it's causing. Don't mind if it wasn't for the fact I'm in the bridal party for one and can't not go!

FuckingSausageFingers · 05/07/2017 16:14

I don't think there's any straight answer - it's different for everyone isn't it? I would say under 12 months, although I'm sure plenty of people would say under 6 months...

I couldn't have left my DC at that age.

If you're in the wedding party then presumably you know the B&G well? It would be a case of a face to face chat and explaining that that if your 8mo can't go you might have to bow out gracefully now rather than cause any complications, etc on the big day?

Ankleswingers · 05/07/2017 16:22

We had a child free wedding.

It was fantastic Grin

That was before we had children ourselves mind. Now we do have children, it totally doesn't bother me when they aren't invited as I understand the reasoning behind it.

needsomesunshineandwine · 05/07/2017 16:25

Don't really mind, family weddings is a bit difficult though.

Hollyhop17 · 05/07/2017 16:29

I didnt have any at mine, which caused some hassle. I got married at 31 and of we had allowed kids, I would have had 6 babies under 1. I wanted my friends and family to be able to enjoy themselves, not worry about feeding/entertaining.

The remarks which annoyed me the most were from friends who got married a lot younger than me thus had child free weddings, yet had the gall to claim I was denying them a 'family day out and chance to get dressed up together'.

Sorry, that sort of wasnt the point of my wedding!

lamado · 05/07/2017 16:40

I only go to weddings without DC if they are close to home. I've missed quite a few family weddings because they involved a whole weekend away. My cousin (who I'm very close to) got quite upset that I didn't go to their wedding in Venice (no children allowed) and didn't talk to me for quite a while. Now they've got DC of their own they've apologised.

SheepyFun · 05/07/2017 16:46

We were clearly lucky with our venue - a church which included a glass fronted room which overlooked the main church, and had a sound relay - so those with small children could still see and hear what was happening, but those in the main church couldn't hear them. There were toys in there too - it seemed to keep screaming during the service to a minimum. There must be other venues out there that would be good if you want to invite small children, but not hear them.

Like others, we have very few baby sitting options, and prefer to keep them for health emergencies (I find it easier to talk to a consultant about DH without a distracting child). If you want a child free wedding, that's fine, but we won't be coming. DD takes weeks to be happy to be left with someone she has already known for months - I really can't imagine using sitters.com. We chose to have her, and I'm afraid we prioritise her wellbeing over weddings.

If you're inviting lots of family, it's kind to include children, as it means they get to see relatives who may live a good distance away, making frequent visits difficult.

SinglePringle · 05/07/2017 16:47

Don't mind kids during the marriage (if taken out if tearful) and breakfast (with previous proviso) so long as they don't put their sticky hands on my outfit.

Can't stand kids at the evening reception. No, your kid doing the knee slide / ring a ring a roses in the middle of a dance floor is not cute.

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