Children at weddings

[mintich]

Not exactly AIBU, but what do you think of children/babies at weddings? Do you get offended if they aren't invited? Do you prefer to go to adult only weddings?

I don't mind children being welcome at weddings. It's those clueless parents that don't act when their kids misbehave that shouldn't be! Obviously the kids are going to be playing and excited, let them be.

but smiling whimsically like it's super charming as your child shouts "THIS IS BORING" at top volume during the ceremony, repeatedly smacks the couple saying their vows in the back of the shins with their flower basket, hangs upside down off the side of the buffet table during the first dance so that every photo of said dance has a monkey child in the back of it... that kind of thing is what drives people to ban kids and gives all kids and parents at wedding a bad name.

(I've witnessed all of the above. During the vows one I thought the MOB was going to erupt like a volcano through her forced smile at the darling children 😂)

I think the problem with weddings is that people seem to make massive assumptions about parents. For example 'I wanted my friends and family to be able to enjoy themselves, not worry about feeding/entertaining.' If your friends and family feel that having their children is a hassle they are perfectly capable of making the choice to leave them at home themselves. Your invitation isn't a summons, just because you have said they can bring their children doesn't mean they have to. Also they may well feel sad that their children have been excluded and irritated that they then have to spend time and money finding childcare for them. It's also possible that rather than enjoying themselves they may spend the wedding worrying whether their children are OK if arrangements aren't routine (likely if it's a family wedding and their normal sitters are unavailable).

Personally I think of weddings as family events, where a couple invite their nearest and dearest, so know their children and think of them as part of that circle. Excluding those children seems sad. Friends you only know as adults are different, especially as they also have the option of leaving their children with the other parent.

MargaretCavendish - oh so true! If I got married now and invited the friends I'd like to have there (about 50 or so) and included children (they all have at least 2) I'd have 50 kids at my wedding. I like kids at weddings, but 50 is pushing it!

I think it's up to the bride and groom. However you can't expect parents to magic up childcare when everyone who is their childcare is invited to the wedding. There is a local wedding soon a 2 week old baby has been banned under the (costs) ruling. 2 week old baby isn't charged we have checked (not our baby) basically the 2 week old isn't close enough family to count as being allowed and the bride is pushing for the new parents to attend leaving the baby behind when all the mothers family will be in attendance. That's bad. Most are the family are outraged at that one.

I wouldn't be offended if a wedding was child free. But I'm very Lucky I have a lot of childcare support.
My own wedding was close family only and so my niece nephew and cousins were in attendance

I can understand the difficulties it must cause when have very small babies (I'd say under 6m) or no possible childcare options

A lot of the posts here seem to assume that the choice is either childfree or a complete free-for-all, which simply isn't true.

I think MargaretCavendish has hit the nail on the head saying that it depends a lot on when you get married and how many kids your friends/family have.

We are getting married next year and nearly all of our friends and younger family members have at least 2 kids per couple. We really want kids there but if we invite all of them, they would make up over a third of our guests, which would be a bit overwhelming! We have thought long and hard and have decided to only invite family kids and friends' kids that we see regularly and have a relationship with (and would genuinely miss if they were not there).

It is a bit awkward having to tell people that we are inviting some not others but we have to draw the line somewhere! We would love to say yes to everyone's kids but then we would end up having to organise a wedding plus a huge childrens' party

• Just to be clear, with everyone invited, we'd be talking about 40 kids aged between 2 and 15 out of a total of 100 guests. With just family and close friends that'll be limited to around 20 youngsters

I think many people just don't understand that you can't necessarily leave a baby for very long at all. I spent weeks pouring rejected expressed milk down the sink before accepting that DD just wasn't going to take a bottle. A couple of hours maximum I could be away, but that isn't generally workable for a local wedding, even. Various people seemed to think I was being precious, when they were understanding of people who couldn't make it because of work.

I don't attend weddings if children aren't invited. Not cos of any moral reason just that I have no childcare. I also prefer children at weddings. All generations should be there for a family event.

I've never been invited to a child free wedding thankfully as I have no-one locally who could babysit, particularly if it was overnight. I come from a pretty big family and there are a lot of children and I think the general consensus would be that they " make" the wedding. I did find it a bit of a pain when she was 2 or younger as there was lots of running around after her but within family events there's always a granny or Aunty or Uncle who has enjoyed a chat or a cuddle with DD. Now she's 5 you're likely to find her off socialising and dancing and generally well behaved during the ceremony. Although I think child free weddings might be fun to attend I also think they sound a bit sterile perhaps. ( not sure if that's the right word) and I'm not generally a person who loves other people's children

I 100% prefer childfree weddings.

Surely most parents do?

Ps Kids doing knee slides on the dance floor ARE cute

Can anyone tell me the accepted cut off age for when only babies are allowed but not kids?

There isn't one. It's one of the reasons I think a child free wedding with a babes in arms exception is problematic.

PidgeonSpray No. Apparently not.

Doesn't bother me either way. Recently went to dh's aunties wedding. She dotes on our kids and they were the only 2 invited. Stayed over the night before and none of us had more than 4 hours sleep thanks to the baby being over excited at sharing her room with her big brother.
The wedding wasn't till late afternoon and only just managed to get the over tired screaming baby calmed down in time for the ceremony. The screaming erupted again just in time for photos.
We were in the room and in bed for 10. It was a nightmare and I never want to take young children to a wedding again. I'd rather organise childcare!

McTufty - I've usually seen it as ten months ie before they are generally really mobile

It is totally up to the bride and groom.

However I probably wouldn't attend a child free wedding. Childcare would be very difficult. I would only be offended if it was really close family such as a sister.

If you choose child-free/child-restricted, just realise that many people with kids won't be able to come. That's fine, just don't then get offended that they are not there, that was your choice!

Personally I love children at a wedding and have never been to a child-free one. I see them as family events. However I understand that some families have a hell of a lot of kids and that can make it financially impossible to invite them all.

(And no I won't be free to 'let my hair down' without kids, I'll be stressing about childcare arrangements, and worrying about getting home early enough to relieve the babysitter)

Reading this thread, I guess a lot comes down to how 'family' weddings are for you. My immediate family was, of course, a central part, but my extended wasn't - I didn't actually invite cousins and only one of my three aunts came. We didn't live anywhere near any of them when I was growing up and we're just not close. The vast majority of our guests were friends. That's been true of nearly every wedding I've been to, and I suppose influences my view that they're primarily adult affairs.

I avoid taking my children to a wedding, even if they are invited!
To be honest, I wouldn't mind taking the 5yr old now as he knows pretty well behaved, gets along with other children so will happily go off and play if there are other children, and loves a boogie!!
But the 18 month old? No chance!!!!
I love weddings and it's not enjoyable for us to be chasing after the youngest all day and no fun for him really either.

*is pretty well behaved

I am having children at my wedding, but every wedding, bar one,that I'm invited to this summer are no kids, including babies

I'm happy either way!

DS is 8 months old, and we've declined an invite for this month because he wasn't invited. I totally understand the reasons for this, and don't mind at all- but we can't attend because I'm not having 2 nights away from my baby, especially because it's a 6 hour drive away. He's been poorly since birth so I'd be very worried about getting an SOS phone call.

I think that as long as couples who decide to invite no children understand that some guests won't be able to make it, fair enough.

If you don't want my children at your wedding you don't want me either! Perhaps its a sign that as I'm getting older I'm getting slightly more set in my ways. To me weddings are a celebration of life and children are an important part of that. Most childless weddings seem to be about people earing clothes that can't afford in places they can't afford pretending to be someone that are not. I'll probably get flamed for this but if that's the sort of day you want it doesn't bode well for your marriage and isn't really worth celebrating. Standing by with tin hat for bridzilla to say "my day wasn't about that, it was such a qute castle and we will visit again"!

Slight rant over;)

If you don't want my children at your wedding you don't want me either

With that selfish and dare I say entitled attitude, I'm quite sure people don't want you at their wedding either