AIBU?
Discovered secret party :-(
getmeouttahere88 · 02/07/2017 21:40
I feel sick!
Just today I have discovered that my lovely DP has organised a surprise party for my upcoming birthday. It's a big one but
we already have lovely plans made around that time and for as long as I can remember I've said that I just don't want a party! In fact I'd go as far as to say I couldn't think of anything worse and especially where it's supposed to be a surprise! 
What the hell do I do?
If I was going to have one I'd want to at least have some part in the organisation (yes I'm a bit of a control freak) but also I'd like to be able to turn up to my own party looking as lovely as I possibly could, but if I don't know about it then I'm likely to leave the house in jeans and flip flops ffs!
I realise I sound ridiculously selfish and what DP is doing is such a lovely thing for me but I just feel I'm going to spent the next few month anxious over this!
I'm not a massive fan of partying let alone when I'm centre of attention.
How will he know to invite everyone I'd want?
What if no one comes?!
I'd just rather not but seems a venue is booked (don't know where) and people have been invited.
I also feel a really annoyed that I haven't been listened to or at least my very vocal feelings about a party have been ignored.
I don't really want to tell him I know either
What am I going to do?!
MrsDustyBusty · 02/07/2017 21:43
Try to relax and enjoy it? You have a couple of months to prepare so no need to not look and feel your very best. He's clearly trying to do something special, so why not plan to enjoy it? Maybe it could be a project for your new year - relax and have fun doing something you thought you would hate.
DaffodilTime · 02/07/2017 21:43
I would be really honest and tell him in the nicest way possible - he has been extremely kind in trying hard I presume so can you say how touched you are and how amazing he is (if appropriate?!) but that you found out and it just stresses you out.
Also at least you have a heads up if it isn't your thing but I'd say be gentle as I imagine he meant well
BewtySkoolDropowt · 02/07/2017 21:46
Plan and book something that you do want to do. Then tell him once it's done (or just pretend it's done) It's not your fault if he didn't tell you to keep the night free.
A city break to Barcelona? A night away visiting a friend?
He may then tell you and you can make it clear that while it's very thoughtful, it's not something you would enjoy.
NellieFiveBellies · 02/07/2017 21:48
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getmeouttahere88 · 02/07/2017 21:55
I picked my mums iPad to try find something I'd sent her on fb messenger earlier and saw the thread at the top of her messages titled getmes suprise birthday!
It's just on the day, if i know I would probably book to get my self done up a bit ie hair and make up but can't go do that for no reason without him knowing I know!
I know DP is doing this as an amazing thing for me, there isn't a bad bone in him tbh but why does no one listen! I've said the same thing whenever it's come up with friends and family! I just can't understand it how anyone around me can think this is a good idea?!
NellieFiveBellies · 02/07/2017 21:59
This reply has been deleted
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daisychain01 · 02/07/2017 22:01
There have been several MN threads about surprise parties and the general consensus was to remind the organiser (in this case your DP) that you've already clearly expressed you wish not to have a party so can he let people know.
for as long as I can remember I've said that I just don't want a party! In fact I'd go as far as to say I couldn't think of anything worse and especially where it's supposed to be a surprise!
What don't people understand about "I don't want a party" ? Batshit crazy
getmeouttahere88 · 02/07/2017 22:04
Nope a definite party. There's a venue and the date has been amended to first invite due to someone close being away so it's not actually on my birthday, we are already away then!
We have an brilliant relationship on the whole! My mum clearly knows and they will have been in cahoots prior to any plans firmly made but also she knows I don't want one, I've said it in front of DP and both parents at the same time!
DancesWithOtters · 02/07/2017 22:04
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
BackforGood · 02/07/2017 22:09
I would tell him that you have found out about his plans.
Whether you do decide to let the party go on, or whether you decide to stand firm about not wanting one, is then up to how strongly you feel about it I suppose, but at least you won't have months of trying not to let slip you know, and stress about how you are going to get yourself 'party ready' if you don't know about it, etc. If you agree to a party, there is still time for you to have some input.
Firstimefreaked · 02/07/2017 22:09
Don't worry or stress to much X you know it's happening it should be your friends and you have time to absorb and accept X I just had my baby shower which was rained out where only 4 friends came and 6 of my mums students 😬 I still had fun X you can make your own enjoyment X. X
BoomBoomsCousin · 02/07/2017 22:12
I would be really annoyed at parents and partner if they did something like this when I had frequently mentioned how much I disliked it. It's the thought that counts and the thought that goes into doing something for you that you've expressly said you dislike does not count very highly at all.
I think you should tell him you know OP. Then at least you can salvage it a bit by being able to get ready as you want and making sure all your favourite people are invited.
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