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Original poster

Discovered secret party :-(

126 replies

getmeouttahere88 · 02/07/2017 21:40

I feel sick!
Just today I have discovered that my lovely DP has organised a surprise party for my upcoming birthday. It's a big one but
we already have lovely plans made around that time and for as long as I can remember I've said that I just don't want a party! In fact I'd go as far as to say I couldn't think of anything worse and especially where it's supposed to be a surprise! Confused
What the hell do I do?
If I was going to have one I'd want to at least have some part in the organisation (yes I'm a bit of a control freak) but also I'd like to be able to turn up to my own party looking as lovely as I possibly could, but if I don't know about it then I'm likely to leave the house in jeans and flip flops ffs!

I realise I sound ridiculously selfish and what DP is doing is such a lovely thing for me but I just feel I'm going to spent the next few month anxious over this!
I'm not a massive fan of partying let alone when I'm centre of attention.
How will he know to invite everyone I'd want?
What if no one comes?!
I'd just rather not but seems a venue is booked (don't know where) and people have been invited.
I also feel a really annoyed that I haven't been listened to or at least my very vocal feelings about a party have been ignored.
I don't really want to tell him I know either
What am I going to do?!

OP posts:
Original poster
getmeouttahere88 · 02/07/2017 21:41

Not sure how I'm going to keep up the pretence either, already spent all afternoon with a face like a smacked arse but have been working so can say I'm tired today!

OP posts:
MrsDustyBusty · 02/07/2017 21:43

Try to relax and enjoy it? You have a couple of months to prepare so no need to not look and feel your very best. He's clearly trying to do something special, so why not plan to enjoy it? Maybe it could be a project for your new year - relax and have fun doing something you thought you would hate.

DaffodilTime · 02/07/2017 21:43

I would be really honest and tell him in the nicest way possible - he has been extremely kind in trying hard I presume so can you say how touched you are and how amazing he is (if appropriate?!) but that you found out and it just stresses you out.
Also at least you have a heads up if it isn't your thing but I'd say be gentle as I imagine he meant well

Earlybird · 02/07/2017 21:44

How did you find out about the party?

RippleEffects · 02/07/2017 21:45

How did you find out - did someone let it slip? If so, all is not lost you just need someone who can get close to him and be a confident to you to ensure its kept as pallatable as possible.

BewtySkoolDropowt · 02/07/2017 21:46

Plan and book something that you do want to do. Then tell him once it's done (or just pretend it's done) It's not your fault if he didn't tell you to keep the night free.

A city break to Barcelona? A night away visiting a friend?

He may then tell you and you can make it clear that while it's very thoughtful, it's not something you would enjoy.

NellieFiveBellies · 02/07/2017 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rascallyrascal · 02/07/2017 21:54

Tell him. Thank him for the thought but you really don't want a party. I'd hate it too, why has he done this when you have been so explicit? Does he normally ignore you?

Original poster
getmeouttahere88 · 02/07/2017 21:55

I picked my mums iPad to try find something I'd sent her on fb messenger earlier and saw the thread at the top of her messages titled getmes suprise birthday!
It's just on the day, if i know I would probably book to get my self done up a bit ie hair and make up but can't go do that for no reason without him knowing I know!
I know DP is doing this as an amazing thing for me, there isn't a bad bone in him tbh but why does no one listen! I've said the same thing whenever it's come up with friends and family! I just can't understand it how anyone around me can think this is a good idea?!

OP posts:
thereallochnessmonster · 02/07/2017 21:57

How did you find out?

I agree - it is not kind to arrange a surprise party when someone has said they would hate one.

How is your relationship generally?does he listen to you?

IWantABlueBanana · 02/07/2017 21:57

My dh had a surprise 30th for me last year, except he forgot to say so.my worst nightmare

Im not a party kinda girl, but I contained the info 6 weeks and had a brill night.

He's still a twat

thereallochnessmonster · 02/07/2017 21:58

Hah, x posted.

So, talk to him. Say you found out by mistake but really don't want the party. Pls could he cancel it. And ask him,to listen to you in future.

Hmmalittlefishy · 02/07/2017 21:59

Are you sure it's a party? If the messages say birthday or could be about a gift or a day out together or something smaller with just family more like what you would like

NellieFiveBellies · 02/07/2017 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ANiceSliceOfCake · 02/07/2017 22:00

How do you know it's a party? Maybe it's just a suprise low key family meal ?

daisychain01 · 02/07/2017 22:01

There have been several MN threads about surprise parties and the general consensus was to remind the organiser (in this case your DP) that you've already clearly expressed you wish not to have a party so can he let people know.

for as long as I can remember I've said that I just don't want a party! In fact I'd go as far as to say I couldn't think of anything worse and especially where it's supposed to be a surprise!

What don't people understand about "I don't want a party" ? Batshit crazy

Original poster
getmeouttahere88 · 02/07/2017 22:04

Nope a definite party. There's a venue and the date has been amended to first invite due to someone close being away so it's not actually on my birthday, we are already away then!
We have an brilliant relationship on the whole! My mum clearly knows and they will have been in cahoots prior to any plans firmly made but also she knows I don't want one, I've said it in front of DP and both parents at the same time!

OP posts:
DancesWithOtters · 02/07/2017 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

millifiori · 02/07/2017 22:06

You know. So just tell him you know. Be honest and ask what he's planned. Then say you'd like to get ready for it.

BackforGood · 02/07/2017 22:09

I would tell him that you have found out about his plans.
Whether you do decide to let the party go on, or whether you decide to stand firm about not wanting one, is then up to how strongly you feel about it I suppose, but at least you won't have months of trying not to let slip you know, and stress about how you are going to get yourself 'party ready' if you don't know about it, etc. If you agree to a party, there is still time for you to have some input.

Firstimefreaked · 02/07/2017 22:09

Don't worry or stress to much X you know it's happening it should be your friends and you have time to absorb and accept X I just had my baby shower which was rained out where only 4 friends came and 6 of my mums students 😬 I still had fun X you can make your own enjoyment X. X

JaneJeffer · 02/07/2017 22:10

I would hate a surprise party. You aren't being selfish at all and it's already causing you anxiety. You need to speak to him about it.

Firstimefreaked · 02/07/2017 22:10

If your really against it, then speak to your partner and get involved x

mydietstartsmonday · 02/07/2017 22:11

Just sit back and relax, your real birthday is doing what you want. You can now make sure that your hair and nails are done and you just happen to wear something fabulous.

BoomBoomsCousin · 02/07/2017 22:12

I would be really annoyed at parents and partner if they did something like this when I had frequently mentioned how much I disliked it. It's the thought that counts and the thought that goes into doing something for you that you've expressly said you dislike does not count very highly at all.

I think you should tell him you know OP. Then at least you can salvage it a bit by being able to get ready as you want and making sure all your favourite people are invited.

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