AIBU to think 20 year old DD is taking the piss a bit?

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DD is in her 1st year of uni. She is living at home. She has kept her part-time job that she had in sixth form.

We haven't made her pay this year for rent, etc. or anything like that to be nice, but figured next year we need to ask. We are asking for 15% of what she earns that week.

She has relatively recently started all these activities (she has lost 3 stone and is a lot more confident etc. etc.) things like yoga, dance, drama and all kinds of adult classes.

She claims she isn't going to be able to afford to give us 15% because of these activities. It's not unfair is it to say she is going to need to stop however many until she can afford it, is it?

Gosh, poor girl.

Why would you want to spoil the increase in confidence and fitness unless toy actually really need the money?

Sorry, I've reread the OP. So if my understanding is correct, DD pays for her classes and still manages to save £50 a month? It sounds like she isn't spending much on going out drinking etc. She sounds great.

Does she get no student loan apart from for fees? If that's true then YABU.

If she gets a loan in addition to uni fees she should be paying you the proportion of that loan which she would pay in halls/ self catering,

She's an adult and should contribute financially to the house she is living in.

I did and so did all my friends.

I paid rent and still managed to have a life and save for a house.

So yes, she's taking the piss.

If she gets a loan in addition to uni fees she should be paying you the proportion of that loan which she would pay in halls/ self catering,

Id just move into halls then as why stay at home ro save money if mum.charges equivalent hall fees.

Fancy charging a 20 yo money you dont even need, when she is studying, working, saving & has lost 3 stone.

To be honest £400 a month isn't a huge amount of earnings. Does she pay for things she needs herself (travel fares, uni books, clothes, make-up, toiletries, lunches, nights out, phone contract, snacks etc)? Is she helpful around the house? Does she help with chores and if something essential to the household runs out (e.g.: milk, washing up liquid) is she happy to replace it from her own cash?

If she is pulling her weight and happy to contribute to keeping the household running then I don't think I would be charging her rent. In your shoes I certainly wouldn't be handing over money for extras and would expect her to be handling her own expenses but it doesn't sound like she's making that much cash.

Alternatively maybe you could ask for the 15% but put it into a savings account for her and at the end of her time of years it might be a nice sum of money which could help towards getting together the deposit and first months rent when she moves out for the first time.

I think I would just be happy that as a student, she wasnt expecting any money from me! Quite impressed she is saving also. A token £10/wk possibly if you want to push it, but is she also paying travelling expenses from her £98/wk?

15% of 400 is not alot of money really - not far off your token 10er.

I think the point here is that while she is achieving alot she is not really contributing to the household and is getting a false sense of what is involved in living in the real word.

If she is contributing in terms of taking a fair share of cleaning, tidying, cooking and does her own clothes washing, bedding etc then I would probably not charge her. However if she is expecting full maid service without realising the need to appreciate the contribution of others then swanning off to the gym/yoga or whatever after classes I would be having second thoughts and at least asking her how she intends to contribute to the household - whilst its lovely you can afford it it doesn't mean you should she is 20

If it is to teach her some life skills in paying bills etc, friends have taken "rent" from their children which had been stealthily banked and then handed back to them as a lump sum towards house deposit etc when they needed it.

I think you DD sounds lovely, she's doing all the right things, to accuse her of taking the piss is kind of mean actually.

What does she do with the maintenance loan that she gets? Do you know how much she gets?

What exactly do you pay for and what does she pay for?

Could you come to a compromise, whereby she pays a fixed amount rent/bills/food during term time when she gets her loan, and just pays for her social life/classes in the holidays?

Her weight loss, self improvement and discipline sound amazing, by the way!

Should have added - if you don't need the money, that fixed amount I suggested could be saved and given back to her as suggested by PPs.

She is 20 for Christ's sake. Of course she should pay. I'd have been mortified to be living with my parents and not paying my way at that age.

The OP has said she doesn't get a maintenance loan, she clearly didn't apply for it as she is living at home.

StarryCorpulentCunt were you at uni at age 20?

Are you paying her all of the parental contribution that you should be?

I think it's a bit mean. If you need it, fair enough, but why take it just for the sake of it?

She's studying, working and trying to live a healthier lifestyle, I'd be happy to support her in that. Both financially and in any other way.

I'd expect her to pick up after herself and help with 'communal' areas at home and maybe pay for some food shopping every so often.

I went away for uni and my parents gave me money to help live

You want her to pay you when in fulltime education? Yabu

When she starts working full time then thats fair enough.

YABU. It wasnt so long back that child support was paid till the end of Uni, as whilst they might be a certain age, if full time education whats the difference between 20 and 15. I agree with the poster, if youre personally not financially struggling, simply charging this as a life lesson will cause resentment. She needs it, shes a student and doesnt get 'paid' for her hours studying. You dont need it but want to take it.

What life lesson are you indeed teaching her, if you put as many hours into real work as you do studying, we'd all be better off and you wont be scrapping around for £10 for a night out? Leave Uni and work instead?

What about a compromise, and discuss the % of income as showing willing, and youll ring fence it as additional 'savings' for her? It may be (I can almost guarantee it) she may ask for a small loan further down the line either for rental deposit, car insurance etc, and theres a small pot of her contributions that could be used then.

However, I clearly dont subscribe to kicking kids out and cutting them loose on their 18th birthdays. IMO they need as much guidance in early 20s as they do in early teens and I think it was wrong that child support was stopped for Uni. IMO Its bad enough students now have tuition fees, but the double whammy is parents were also let of any financial assistance too.

Many however feel differently.

I'm all for charging kids rent when they are earning and in a FT job, but I wouldn't when they are in full time education (unless you need the money that is).

Lay off her now but make it clear once she leaves Uni you will be charging her for 1/3 of all household bills and good shops.

(1/3 based on there being 3 adults inc her that will be working and liable for bills)

Good? Food!

I started working full time at 19 and I had to pay my dad £250 rent a month. It was very high compared to my friends but the worst thing was I still had so many rules. Silly rules. He was very controlling and so I don't think the £250 was justified. He was an alcoholic as well so he probably needed it towards his booze fund!

If you don't need the money maybe compromise and drop to 10%?

so your daughter earns about £220/month of which she saves £50

this leaves her with £170 a month for her hobbies, travel, going out, I guess her phone as well as her cosmetics.

she tells you she can't afford to give you £33 pm and you don't believe her

I think if she is spending her money on exercise classes and she want's to keep her weight under control she also needs to spend money on healthy food when she is out and I think it's important to support her in that.

She will survive when she moves out (and probably will be glad to be out of your house because you seem to be resentful of her having money) and she already is showing that she can manage her money.

By the time she will move out she will have few thousands saved and can afford to do so, I am not sure where is your resentment coming from.

I find it so bizarre that parents take rent from their children. I'm not convinced it teaches anything except that it's no longer your home.

I've lived at home for brief periods as an adult and my father wouldn't dream of charging me - it's my home.