AIBU to think 20 year old DD is taking the piss a bit?

[loosechangebanknotes]

DD is in her 1st year of uni. She is living at home. She has kept her part-time job that she had in sixth form.

We haven't made her pay this year for rent, etc. or anything like that to be nice, but figured next year we need to ask. We are asking for 15% of what she earns that week.

She has relatively recently started all these activities (she has lost 3 stone and is a lot more confident etc. etc.) things like yoga, dance, drama and all kinds of adult classes.

She claims she isn't going to be able to afford to give us 15% because of these activities. It's not unfair is it to say she is going to need to stop however many until she can afford it, is it?

But by the sound of your post you are either DD or deep down you think you are being unreasonable

if you can afford it support her. She's not exactly out getting drunk every night. Lifes tough, the right support now can make all the difference. If youre providing free home, bills and food she is a lucky girl. I would make her buy her own clothes too though.

If you don't need it then don't ask for it. She's studying and needs support. Once she's graduated ask for rent.

You are not being unreasonable. Part of being an adult is paying for things. The only time I didn't take rent off my adult kids was when my son was 27 and moved home after a failed relationship but that was because he was saving for a deposit on a flat of his own. DD is 23 and works full time. Lives at home and contributes without being asked. She has friends who live alone and she knows she s got it pretty good at home

She will struggle after uni if she has no idea how hard it is to actually stand on your own feet and pay bills/rent etc. 15% is nothing! I think it's important and you're not being unreasonable. :-)

I would ask her to pay a regular contribution because she does need to get used to managing her finances. If you can get by without it, bung it in an ISA and give it to her for her first car or suchlike.

I think contributing is a positive thing. How about negotiating with her? What can she afford?

I wouldn't charge her more than she's costing you.

If I could afford it I wouldn't charge at all.

The main point is this is your 'child'. If you aren't desperate why would you want to.

She's in full time education, absolutely no way should she be paying rent. I lived at home whilst at university and my parents wouldn't have dreamed of asking me for rent!

YABU, you don't need the money, you must be as hard as nails to do this to your DD.😕

I think you are being unreasonable to be honest. She's your daughter, she's studying and working out. All great things. Could you not ask for a small contribution instead?

Not unreasonable at all. My brother lived at home for years and hardly paid a thing - it did not help him AT ALL to be financially independent or responsible, and he had no incentive to go and find work (He's a freelancer). Your daughter can easily do free online yoga classes etc. My daughter is a similar age and whilst we help her out and pay for a few things, she knows the value of money and knows that if she can't afford it, she doesn't do it that way, but works out a way that she can do things for free. Exercise doesn't need to cost anything. In my opinion (and yours by the sounds of it) it is really important that they learn that they have to choose and prioritise and be inventive if they want to save money. You can't always do everything you want. Good luck !

You are not being unreasonable and everyone who says you are are living on a different planet. Its not about needing the money, its about teaching our kids (especially adult kids) that life aint free. She has to start somewhere. What kind of shock will it be when shr finally leaves home having never contributed and suddenly has to start paying rent, council tax, food, bills etc. Let's stop molly coddling our kids, this is why so many young people are useless with cash and get into stupid debt becausr they dont prioritise and think that extra curricular activities and flash clothes come before a roof over their heads!

Is this a wind up? Your daughter is in full time education, has got herself a part time job and has recently lost a significant amount of weight which has increased her confidence and happiness, and you want to charge her rent? I'm honestly shocked. YABU!!

As soon as I got a job when I left school I had to hand over half of what I'd earned at the end of each week. I still had enough money to do the important things, and if I couldn't afford it, I didn't do it. She needs to learn that she needs to pay her way - personally I think 15% is far too little. And yes, she's taking the piss.

Ok I didn't read the first post properly and dodn't get that she was stil in full time education. I would still ask for a weekly contribution and she should still try and be inventive/do things for free instead of just dishing out cash for classes - a group of mates could do yoga together or a park run....

I wouldn't expect a child in full time education to pay anything for their keep

I'd be so happy if my daughter was doing all of those activities which are so wholesome and heathful and not drinking her wages and getting off her face most nights instead like I was at 20. On those grounds I'd totally let her get away with it - she's got the rest of her life to budget and pay rent.

I am from another culture and I am really shocked to hear a mother charges her own doughter for rent etc. I am 35 and my mother still asks me if I need anything, though I can manag my budget perfectly. It is really absurd asking money from your child, you brought her into this world and it was your decision. you are sharing your home and your life with your family. if she volunteers to pay in that is ok, but she's still a student and at an age quite important for her personal development. plus you don't even need the money!

YABVVVU...

Depends on the uni etc but if possible (let's face it, it's often not) I think it best for FT students not to do paid work. The peanuts at stake typically pale into nothing compared to the longer term benefits of a good degree.

if your daughter was unconfident and overweight at 20 that's something you've done to her. You're the one taking the piss. She's fixing your mistakes and you think she should pay the classes and also pay you the same amount? Maybe you should have raised her better so she didn't have to do all this extra stuff to get to the place most people start at!

Why not ask for the 15%. Bank it and give it to her as a graduation 'gift' or save it towards car/flat deposit , my parents did this 'covert' saving...taught me a great lesson that 15% saved can make a big difference. Or offer to match fund whatever she saves ( ie 15%). Both are good ways to encourage the benefits of saving in young people.

Don't know why you would unless you needed to.

It's bollocks to say she won't learn when she gets her own place etc. Most people do.