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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Leaving a baby for 10 days

147 replies

Trianglesandcircles1 · 01/07/2017 19:52

AIBU to think that parents should not be leaving an 11 month old baby with a grandparent for 10 days? The baby has not stayed with the GP before and doesn't know them, but is used to weekends with some other relatives. Would you do this? have you ever done something like this?

OP posts:

WomblingThree · 05/10/2017 07:17

It’s fairly obvious that the OP is the mother and her PIL have got the baby and her husband has “made” her leave it with them. OP if you don’t like it, either grow a backbone and refuse next time, or make the effort in future so your child does know their GPs and be glad that you have someone who will look after your child.

Boakboak · 05/10/2017 07:23

My DD is 3 and will be staying with he GP for 10 days while we move to a new house in a different city. Is that awful? GPs have a VERY close bond with her and are absolutely fantastic. They also speak a different language (which DD also knows and understands) and it's good for her to be immersed in her culture. We also thought it would good for her transition to leave before we unpack her world around her and come back to a new, decorated room.

Feeling bad now, I hope people don't think we're terrible parents!

Someoneasdumbasthis · 05/10/2017 07:34

Why the fuck am I reading a post from July!?

WomblingThree · 05/10/2017 07:36

Oh bugger. Didn’t notice that. Bloody zombies.

greendale17 · 05/10/2017 07:41

To all the people saying "who are to judge blah blah"- are you the thought police? You can't stop people judging

NannyRed · 05/10/2017 07:50

I have had my grandchildren (twin boy and girl) for overnight visits since they were 12 months.

I had them for 3 weeks during the summer holidays. (Ten days then back home for a week then returned to me for ten days) so as my daughter didn't have to pay childcare for the school holidays.

If I was asked to have my grandchild for ten days at just under a year I'd do it.

I think you're being unreasonable for judging.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/10/2017 08:01

If the baby is well used to the GPs, surely OK.

My Gds was a little older and still partly bf when dd had to go away for a week for work recently. He was looked after by us and the other GM. He was absolutely fine and happy. But he was well used to us.

However I don't really understand people leaving babies to go on holiday for a week or more. A night or two to give them a break and a lie in, that's quite different. I had a friend who left her 1 month old baby with GPs for a month, while she went on holiday with her Dh. I could not have done that in a million years. But she was a non Brit and in her culture it was nothing unusual at all.

intergalacticbrexitdisco · 05/10/2017 08:11

No. My 11 month old goes mad if I leave the room, let alone anything else!

He misses DH when DH goes away for a few days with work, though, even though he always has me. So I think it would not be emotionally healthy.

AnnaFiveTowns · 05/10/2017 09:26

It's not something I could do.

I left my ds for a long weekend, when he was about 12 months old, and I still feel bad about it now.

The problem is that a child of this age can't understand where you have gone and if you are going to come back.

I know lots of people will say it's fine but imo, it shows a lack of empathy/connection with the child.

11 days is a long time in a baby's life.

BarbarianMum · 05/10/2017 09:32

I don't think its fine at all. At 11 months they are old enough to need familiar faces and surroundings (or at least one or the other) but too young for you to explain what's happening or that you'll be coming back. In an emergency- well that can't be helped but not through choice. Poor baby.

seven201 · 05/10/2017 09:45

I don't think it's good. If it was unavoidable then fine. I recently spent a 10 days in hospital away from my 15 month old. I've been home for nearly a week and she is still very weary of me. She didn't sleep much at all while I was gone. She's no longer happy when I drop her off at nursery, presumably because she's worried I might disappear again. She's always been a little sociable thing who's never been clingy so I thought she'd be ok. It's definitely had an affect on her though and she was at home with her dad still there every evening, but with different relatives around helping at various points. I think 11 months is too young for that length of time away personally.

brasty · 05/10/2017 09:50

When I was young, the majority of mothers left a baby or toddler for 7 days with GPs, while they were in hospital having another baby.

BarbarianMum · 05/10/2017 09:53

Yes but bratsy presumably most of these babies knew their grandparents by that point.

Mxyzptlk · 05/10/2017 09:54

Depends on the child.

My DS would have been fine - he was fine with anyone after he'd met them once.

My DD wouldn't.

So to the OP - we can't know.

brasty · 05/10/2017 09:57

Yes true barbarianmum just pointing out that it used to be common for a baby or toddler to be left with GPs for a week, because there was really no other choice. Childcare for babies didn't exist most places then, unless you could afford a nanny.

CoolCarrie · 05/10/2017 10:12

We had to do this when moving house from Scotland to London, and it was fine. My mum & dad were delighted to have DS all to themselves and it was fine. He was 18 months old and quite happy to be with them.

BarbarianMum · 05/10/2017 10:37

Sorry, to be clear, I think leaving an 11 month old with someone they love and know (and who presumably loves and knows them) is totally different to the OP and is fine, esp if the surroundings are also familiar.

RiseToday · 05/10/2017 14:12

I'd leave my 2.5 yr old with my mum for a couple of days max and they have a very close relationship.

The other three grandparents - no way. They just don't know him well enough.

Blackcatonthesofa · 05/10/2017 16:31

My parents left me with friends when I was three months old to go on a vacation. They booked it before mum knew she was pregnant. I seriously don't remember it and am not hurt by it. What's the problem?

C8H10N4O2 · 05/10/2017 17:19

There was a thread about GP who had little contact with a baby putting pressure on parents to take the baby for 10-12 days a while back. IIRC the OP was unhappy about it but the DP was less willing to say no to them. Is this the same baby?

Leaving a baby with family who love them and with whom they are familiar is entirely different from leaving a baby under pressure and with GP who don't really know them

Mxyzptlk · 06/10/2017 14:19

OP, if you are the baby's parent and you don't want to leave your child for that length of time, then don't.
It doesn't matter what anyone else does. Or what the GPs want.

Branleuse · 06/10/2017 14:31

I wouldnt leave a baby of that age for that long. Id possibly do a long weekend and id only leave the baby with someone they knew well and trusted. I dont think what your friends are doing is great at all. Maybe it cant be helped?

Saying that though, as long as the baby is being looked after well, then it will probably be ok. Children go through worse than that unscathed

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