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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving a baby for 10 days

147 replies

Trianglesandcircles1 · 01/07/2017 19:52

AIBU to think that parents should not be leaving an 11 month old baby with a grandparent for 10 days? The baby has not stayed with the GP before and doesn't know them, but is used to weekends with some other relatives. Would you do this? have you ever done something like this?

OP posts:
splendidglenda · 01/07/2017 20:18

I think it's unfair to the baby who won't understand when/if the parents are coming back. Different for a week's hol when they're say 3 or 4, with someone they know very well.

SolomanDaisy · 01/07/2017 20:19

I do think that's quite a long time. I doubt many people would want to be away from their baby that long, though obviously lots of people want or need a break. The baby will survive and probably be fine, but I can't imagine wanting to be apart from my baby for ten days.

AndTakeYourHorseWithYou · 01/07/2017 20:19

YABU. Not your baby, not your business.

Bad enough you judge them, but to invite the whole internet to judge them too? Get a fucking life.

luckylucky24 · 01/07/2017 20:19

I wouldn't do it but then I refused to let anyone have DS for months when he was born (apart from DH). He was about 16-18 months before he did an over night.
A friend of mine had her baby 6 weeks after me a was out for a meal without him 5 days after leaving hospital at 12 days old. People are different I suppose.

GreyCloudsToday · 01/07/2017 20:20

Wow this is so judgy! It's hardly a newborn child. I can't get over the tone in the post. What about those of us that have to travel to keep our jobs? This attitude is prehistoric.

Hastalapasta · 01/07/2017 20:22

I could not do this, but Dsis did leave 8 week old nephew with our parents for a week whilst she went to foreign parts to be a bridesmaid.
In her defence, the wedding was all organised before she fell pregnant.
I only recently started leaving the DC with DH overnight and the youngest is 3! Shock
Each to their own and all that.

NerrSnerr · 01/07/2017 20:22

I wouldn't personally do it (I don't know anyone willing and/ or able to do it anyway) but if they're all happy with it I don't see a problem.

DaddyPigsLoveSlave · 01/07/2017 20:24

My parents left me with my grandparents while they went on holiday when I was about that age. I don't think it scarred me in any way. twitches
On the other hand, my DD is 3 and hasn't spent a night without us.

BuzzKillington · 01/07/2017 20:26

I wouldn't, because mine didn't sleep well and I wouldn't have inflicted that on anyone else. But I think it's fine if you feel OK to do it.

We met a couple in Barbados who had a 9 month old at home with gps and they were having 2 weeks in the sun! Good for them.

Smartiepants79 · 01/07/2017 20:27

My initial response would vary a bit depending on the reasons for it. Sometimes its unavoidable, sometimes its the best option for the baby as going with the parents would be more stressful.
In the end the baby WILL be fine. Well cared for by loving family. I don't think it is somthing I would have ever done except for an emergency situation but then mine were still breast feeding at that point and the guilt would have been big.

I don't think it is either poor or neglectful just different.

redshoeblueshoe · 01/07/2017 20:27

Some people don't have a choice.
But hey judge away

MoonfaceAndSilky · 01/07/2017 20:28

I can't imagine wanting to be apart from my baby for ten days
I know, when mine were little I couldn't even enjoy a night out without worrying about them. 10 days? I just couldn't cope Confused

NotACleverName · 01/07/2017 20:28

Literally not your business.

Original poster
Trianglesandcircles1 · 01/07/2017 20:29

Thanks to everyone for replying. I don't want to give too many details, but just to say that I am also closely related to the baby, and there is history about both the parents and GP that I can't explain here, so I have been worried, both about the length of time and the baby not knowing GP beforehand. As lots of you think it is okay, I will stop judging the parents.

OP posts:
Neverknowing · 01/07/2017 20:29

I think it depends on the parents and the baby tbh! Some babies are bloody hard work and the parents may just need a bit of time off.
I also think it's a cultural thing, my friends MIL is an arsehole to won't leave her alone about having her DD for a week on her own and says she's being 'stupid' for not letting her. She's from a very different culture though and it's normal there.
Personally I wouldn't want to leave my DD for that long but I wouldn't mind one night if someone would have her and I've had friends say that's insane of me Hmm

selsigfach · 01/07/2017 20:33

I couldn't - my 2.5-year-old is still fed to sleep and through the night. If the 11-month-old was on formula and saw granny every week it might be ok but they will be really upset if left with virtual strangers.

goose1964 · 01/07/2017 20:33

My children stayed with their grandparents, especially my in-laws from a few months old , although my eldest was only a couple of weeks due to me nearly dying . They have a fabulous relationship with them now, and are all well balanced.

Cleanermaidcook · 01/07/2017 20:34

you're really not giving enough information to make an informed decision, there's obviously a back story...

SaltySeaBird · 01/07/2017 20:35

I left a 14 month old to go away for a month. I have two DC now, both under 5, and sometimes leave them both. This year I'll spend 6 weeks away. They are at home with my DH at night/weekends and either at nursery or with GP during week days.

I don't doubt some people are judging me but I'm away for work, love my job and get to do some very interesting and exciting stuff. Yes I sometimes miss them but I think I'm being a good role model too.

TeachesOfPeaches · 01/07/2017 20:36

Why do you care OP?

SolomanDaisy · 01/07/2017 20:39

I have to admit I do sometimes feel a bit jealous of people who bottle feed and live near family and can have a night off! I think in different circumstances I'd be up for that, but ten days I really can't envisage.

oldtrees · 01/07/2017 20:40

It completely depends o n the circumstances and the intent. If they are leaving an 11 month old with people he does not know for 10 days so they can go on holiday then they are not prioritising the baby's needs sufficiently IMO.

I left my 11 month old for a night to go out for NYE with his GPs and I later found out he cried unconsolably till the small hours.

There is no way I'd do it for 10 days without a damn good reason especially if they didn't have an existing, close relationship with the GPs but as you say they are strangers to them.

I know you don't want to give away too much detail - but can you tell us, is the reason for going away primarly frivilous or serious? Is it optional or necessary? Could they do it another time if they wanted to or does it have to be then?

What are your concerns? Neglect? Lack of bonding?

I would ignore all the people saying its fine. They don't know the details, and this is AIBU and people come here to argue. If you were saying you wanted to go on holiday or 10 days and leave your baby with people s/he didn't know they'd probably be telling you what a bad idea it is.

You know the situation. What does your gut instinct say?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 01/07/2017 20:45

I would feel more sorry for the Grandparent. Having an 11 month old that you don't know for that length of time on your own would be hard work.
I assume the Grandparent is prepared and happy to do it though?

Original poster
Trianglesandcircles1 · 01/07/2017 20:49

Thanks Oldtrees. The reason is that GP insisted on having baby and parents caved in. One parent is missing baby, don't know about the other. Baby is confident and is probably totally fine, being spoilt, entertained etc. I am worried it has set a precedent and if it happens again next summer and the toddler (will be about 2 and half) suffers, with no contact with GP over the year in between because of the distance.

OP posts:
AndTakeYourHorseWithYou · 01/07/2017 20:51

Parents caved in and left for 10 days without wanting to? Pull the other one, no-one is that weak willed.