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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think private ultrasounds shouldn't charge you full price if it's a miscarriage?

138 replies

DragonsandDungeons · 01/07/2017 10:42

I just paid £80 for someone to tell me my baby is most likely dead.

Given the majority of people do not experience this and that the price is so high anyway, AIBU to think charging someone after telling them their baby is dead is just cruel?!

OP posts:

LionsOnTour · 01/07/2017 13:21

I'm sorry for what you are going through

I don't think they are unreasonable to charge though. I don't think it makes much difference whether you pay or not. The most important thing is that the staff are kind and caring. In a similar circumstance i would expect to pay.

If private health care companies didn't charge people in sad circumstances then it just wouldnt work - they deal with all sorts of sad situations all the time.

Perhaps you should get this thread moved. It's a bit odd for it to be in AIBU

bananafish81 · 01/07/2017 13:24

@RiverTam what would constitute a concern to be seen by EPU?

There aren't any signs with a MMC so I wouldn't have expected the EPU to see me for scans just to check if the baby was still alive or not.

The EPU is for suspected issues not just for reassurance, surely?

Whatsername17 · 01/07/2017 13:24

I went for a private scan at 11 weeks so that we could wrap up the scan photos as a Christmas present for our families. My baby had died, I'd had a mmc. The sonographer and receptionist could not have been kinder. They organised the follow up at hospital for me. Gave me the only photo I'll ever have of my baby. I still paid and I think it's right that I did. I'm so sorry you are going through this too.

Whatsername17 · 01/07/2017 13:27

The epu offer reassurance scans in my area following a miscarriage.

sycamore54321 · 01/07/2017 13:29

I am very sorry OP. I know the feeling of pain and anger at the bureaucracy of healthcare - in my case, it was the hospital not issuing the correct form of sick note for my time off, so I was told by HR "sorry your baby has died but the paperwork isn't done right". It felt so insulting and demeaning and inappropriate and it infuriated me. I imagine you are probably feeling something similar. It's an awful place to be.

I am shocked that the scan company doesn't ask for payment on arrival or even at the time of booking. It seems like such a simple thing. I also think they would probably risk insulting people if they did offer a discount - I was desperate for validation that I'd had a real pregnancy and that my baby was real to me and a discount would have invalidated this. It's a horrible horrible situation all round.

Libitina · 01/07/2017 13:41

I am sorry for your loss OP, but by your reasoning, should they charge double if they find twins? As PP have said, at the end of the day it's business.

WaitrosePigeon · 01/07/2017 13:45

Sending lots of love and strength to you xxx

Whatsername17 · 01/07/2017 13:45

My experience of the NHS was absolutely awful. They provide no support whatsoever. The private clinic booked my appointment but, because it was Christmas, I had to wait 4 days. In the interim the sac collapsed (I felt my water break) when I went for the scan, because all had collapsed they couldn't see clearly so made me wait a week to see if there was any growth. They could see a dead baby on my private scan. They knew there wouldn't be be good news. They could see the collapse. My baby had been dead two weeks but my body refused to miscarry. I begged them for a d&c or tablets and they refused, telling me to come back on a week because of 'protocol'. I told them I was scared of what i would pass if it happened naturally and the nurse rolled her eyes and told me I'd just have a heavy period. I started to bleed the day before the 2nd scan so phoned and asked if I should still go in and the woman told me it was my choice but it was probably best to wait because it was likely to be nearly all over. Imagine how I felt when, after a week of heavy bleeding, I started to have waves of contractions. I thought I was losing the plot. I couldn't sleep because of the waves and then, at 3am suddenly felt a pushing pressure, only to stand up and have my baby, complete in its collapsed sac, fall out of me. It was fucking horrendous. The scan revealed retained products but they just sent me home telling me to expect more bleeding. I then got an infection due to retained products and ended up on two kinds of antibiotics. It took 6 weeks from diagnoses to completion. Agony that could have been avoided if they'd just helped me when I begged them too. Op, contact Tommy's for support and help. Kick up a fuss at the epu and don't take no for an answer. I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

Eminado · 01/07/2017 13:54

Probably am being unreasonable about the charge. It just seems a bit heartless but that's why I don't run a business I guess

But they did the scan? Why should this be free?

Speaking as a mother of a baby who was also dead at pvt scan (x2).

I am sorry for your loss.

JustArandomUser · 01/07/2017 14:08

I'm full of sympathy, but you paid for a scan to see how the pregnancy is doing. They delivered that, just because the result of the scan isn't what you were hoping for doesn't mean they didn't provide the service they are charging for.

Sorry for your loss.

bananafish81 · 01/07/2017 14:28

IVF clinics don't give you a refund if your cycle fails (unless you're on a multi cycle package)

Or if the viability scan shows a blighted ovum or ectopic

Sadly non viable pregnancies are pretty standard in early pregnancy so it's just not reasonable to expect the clinics to give out treatment for free

QuackPorridgeBacon · 01/07/2017 14:41

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Although I cannot understand why you would expect the scan to be free? I get that it must be hard news to hear, but they still did the scan and that was the service you were paying for.

VestalVirgin · 01/07/2017 15:18

Given the majority of people do not experience this and that the price is so high anyway, AIBU to think charging someone after telling them their baby is dead is just cruel?!

Yes, you are.

You don't pay for good news, you pay for information. You may, personally, have thought you were paying for good news, as you expected good news, but in fact what you paid for was information.

It is a general problem with having to privately pay for healthcare (which I don't think should be the case). If you pay for a mammography and it turns out you have cancer, you also don't get your money back.

I get that it feels heartbreaking to have to pay for bad news, but that's a risk that's inherent with paying for information - it might turn out to be information you didn't want to hear.

BumWad · 01/07/2017 15:19

So sorry for your loss

But YABU

YoshimiBTPR · 01/07/2017 15:37

It's a good question I think.

This is how changes and improvements come about. It didn't take long for it to become apparent that paying beforehand would make the situation a bit easier. Seems a simple change and any ethical business dealing with pregnancy loss surely feels some sort of duty of care to their customers.

I assume that private sonography is still subject to some sort of standard of service and ethical code. I admit know little about private healthcare. Would be interesting to know how regulated sonographers are.

Crunchymum · 01/07/2017 15:45

To the poster who has an EPU that offers reassurance scans to women who have had a previous miscarriage - this isn't the norm??

EPU's are vastly oversubscribed and underfunded resources. I had a reassurance scan with them after 3 losses and recurrent miscarriage testing (and I felt bad about that!)

All women feel scared in the early days and yes the fear for women who have had losses can be unbearable [I've had 5 in total] but EPU's really shouldn't be offering reassurance scans after one loss as statistically you are at no greater risk of another loss.

Sorry for my digression.

OP I'm sorry you have experienced this and I would definitely provide feedback when you feel up to it. I hope you get some answers soon.

bananafish81 · 01/07/2017 15:47

Given the majority of people do not experience this and that the price is so high anyway, AIBU to think charging someone after telling them their baby is dead is just cruel?!

The majority of people don't experience a MMC but a fair proportion of the people the clinic scans will. Sadly it is far more common than many people realise.

BettyOBarley · 01/07/2017 15:50

So sorry to hear your news OP.
The private clinic that I went to for early scans and the NIPT chromosome test asked for payment before you went in probably for this reason and also so you don't have to hang around after the scan waiting to pay if it's bad news. Maybe you could give some feedback to them in the future.

Polly99 · 01/07/2017 15:59

I'm sorry OP.

I agree you should pay before the scan. I've had 2 bad private scans (1 ectopic where they said they couldn't find the pregnancy and to come back in 2 weeks, but the NHS consultant found it 2 days later and I was in theatre the day after that, and one MMC at 9weeks where I'd seen a HB the week before). With the MMC the clinic was stuffed to the gills with couples excitedly chatting about finding out the sex. I was there alone (I had a lot of pregnancies and DH only comes to a few scans). Anyway, I got properly stared at when I , very tear stained, went to the front desk to pay.
Needless to say I have not been for private scans since. Mine was iirc £140 and that's a lot of money to pay for bad news.

noenemee · 01/07/2017 15:59

Sorry for your sadness and difficult time OP

I think you have to separate your emotions at the news they've given you from what you were paying for. The fee is for the premises, rent, business rates, insurance, electricity, furnishings, equipment, staff and so on as well as the fact that it's a private business. All those things have to be funded before they can start to offer a service.

Try to think of it like that rather than as charging you for the results they deliver to their patients.

Original poster

DragonsandDungeons · 01/07/2017 16:05

I think the answer is paying before the scan. That way it doesn't feel like they're charging me for the pregnancy loss, which I know logically they aren't but that's how it feels.

Thank you to everyone who commented and I'm so sorry to everyone this has happened to. I'll update after the EPAU as I hate seeing threads without updates because it might help someone in a similar situation.

Thanks again.

For everyone who has suffered a MC what did you do with the baby? DP and I are thinking of buying a nice flower bush in a pot and burying him/her there.

OP posts:

BeepBeepMOVE · 01/07/2017 16:06

they would have to charge more for healthy pregnancy scans.

Sashkin · 01/07/2017 16:15

I didn't do anything with the remains - this is a bit gross, but it all came out in dribs and drabs over about four weeks. It's possible that you'll have something to bury, but by no means certain.

bananafish81 · 01/07/2017 16:18

For everyone who has suffered a MC what did you do with the baby? DP and I are thinking of buying a nice flower bush in a pot and burying him/her there.

That sounds a lovely idea

My miscarriages were managed surgically and the products of conception sent to the lab for testing. We didn't ask for them to be returned thereafter.

If you're having expectant or medical management you may however not want to look at the sac when it passes. Many miscarriages are early enough that there's no discernible sac - it really does vary from person to person. Different people react differently - some find it very traumatic, others find it helps. It may be worth speaking to someone at Tommys to talk this through when thinking about how you would prefer to manage the miscarriage.

Most women don't have any remains to bury- a plant or similar will usually therefore be symbolic as a memorial.

Good luck

Andcake · 01/07/2017 16:23

Under 12 weeks their are very few 'remains' it is basically a v bad period.
I sponsored a child through plan as a way of turning bad into good.

My epu would give extra scans if you had pain etc.

Scans are their as a medical procedure not for good news sadly. They all scare me now after having bad news.

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