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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving DD sleeping in pram in garden.

113 replies

Lozzy5790 · 30/06/2017 16:31

I live in terraced flats. Since DD (8 mos) was tiny, if she fell asleep in her pram I would just leave her at the bottom of the steps asleep (obviously as long as it wasn't raining). At first I would sit outside with her but over time I've started using the time to do a spot of housework. I only ever do housework in the hall or the kitchen so I can always see her. Where I leave her is one floor down from where I am but she's in eye sight the whole time and in a back garden - you can't see her from the street. I could probably get to her faster when she wakes up than someone in a bigger two story house could get to their baby.

Some new people have moved in to a flat a few gardens down, so from their door they can see our garden, and today I was hoovering the hallway and saw the man walk into our garden. Obviously I went out straight away and he said to me "I'm glad you're here this time- my wife and I don't like you leaving her out there unattended for hours at a time! Anything could happen to her or someone could take her. When you left her out on Monday my wife had to sit at the window all day to make sure she was ok. Please don't do it anymore."

To be clear I'm not leaving her out there for hours - I'm letting her finish her nap in her pram in the garden in my full view. As soon as she wakes up in right there for her. The only people who should be in our garden are us and the people who live in the flat next door (which is no one at the moment).

I'm not BU here am I? Happy to be told I'm being neglectful if I am but I don't see the point in waking her up when she's happy?

Also, if IANBU what should I say to the guy next time (if there is one?) This time I just kind of looked at him and said that I'm right here and she's fine.

OP posts:
littleblackno · 30/06/2017 16:35

I used to leave minevasleep in the garden or the car on the drive so in sight when they were babies. Was so much less stressfull than moving them and them waking up.
Doesnt sound to me as though you have done anything wrong.

Mrsemcgregor · 30/06/2017 16:38

I used to leave my DS asleep by the back door and get on with things while he was insight. Sleeping in the fresh air is supposed to be really good for babies.

You know your back garden and how safe it is.

Redglitter · 30/06/2017 16:40

Tell him to mind his own business. If you're happy with where she is that's all that matters. If his wife chooses to be a self appointed babysitter that's not your fault.

Mouikey · 30/06/2017 16:41

I am currently sat in the car on my drive with baby in the back - I'd normally leave here but it's warm and the air con is on (I know iabu to leave it running!) so I'm stuck here looking at a mound of gardening that needs doing!!!

You are not being unreasonable but woild be a bit creeped out that they are watching your child all day!

Fitzsimmons · 30/06/2017 16:44

My childminder has mine and all her other mindees sleep in pushchairs in the garden, in all weathers and we live in Cumbria. They sleep so much better for her than me. In nordic countries it's normal to see babies in prams left outside to sleep. YANBU

witsender · 30/06/2017 16:48

Nothing to do with him whether you are right or wrong tbh, it is very presumptuous of him to speak to you like that.

Salmotrutta · 30/06/2017 16:49

Your neighbour is ridiculous - if she's in sight and you are checking regularly it's perfectly fine.

Please tell me you told him she is within your sight and that she is quite secure.

IamMoana · 30/06/2017 16:51

I often leave my daughter asleep in the pram in the back garden. Back door is open and I'll potter in the kitchen or dining room where I can see and hear her at all times. I guess someone from either side might not realise this, but I'd soon put them straight if asked. I'd carry on as you are x

Mycarsmellsoflavender · 30/06/2017 16:54

As Fitzsimmons said, totally normal in Scandinavia. But no doubt some nosy busybody will report you to SS here.

Cuppaoftea · 30/06/2017 16:54

'I'm always here, DD's always in my sight and I would see anyone else approach her the same as I saw you this morning. I like to let her finish her nap in the fresh air in my garden while I watch her and get some jobs done. As her Mother it's my decision to make.'

Anatidae · 30/06/2017 16:55

I live in a country where it's normal for babies and little ones to sleep outside. Even at -20. I'm not keen on doing it at home because I want to use any nap time to do stuff which means I'm not able to watch all the time. Ds sleeps outdoors at nursery even in winter.
For me it'd be down to how secure the area was. If you're happy with that then 👍

ChessieFL · 30/06/2017 16:56

Nothing wrong with leaving a child in a secure garden. However yours doesn't sound secure - you say this neighbour wasn't meant to be there but was able to access the garden. For that reason I wouldn't do it on your circumstances. I know you say you can see her, but it only takes you to look away for a few seconds to deal with e.g. a water spill or something and someone could get in and hurt/take her.

BeaderBird · 30/06/2017 16:56

I think YABU. It's not ok to leave her unsupervised and you are not watching her all the time. Bet you don't leave other valuables one floor down, in an area open to others very often.

Anatidae · 30/06/2017 16:58

Yeah to clarify people here do leave babies outdoors but they don't tend to do it if no one is watching. I dont for the reason that I want to relax at nap time.

Titterofwit · 30/06/2017 17:03

I agree with leaving babies outside to sleep in principle and in a secure situation with proper observation it shouldnt be a problem. But if this new neighbour has been able to access the back garden so easily then so could anyone else. So its not secure.

But I think the neighbour was being interfering and wrong about leaving the baby out there. if you could ensure the back garden is properly secure then carry on as you have been doing. Theres always someone who thinks they know better than you how your life should be run.

Coddiwomple · 30/06/2017 17:08

I would never leave a baby alone outside, too many cats and foxes around for a start, let alone weirdos and my back garden is pretty secure.

I wouldn't wake the baby up either, I would rather be outside as well, and at this time of year, there's always things to do. or just go on mumsnet

I understand your neighbour, I would feel awful to see a lonely pram with a baby in it and no-one around, you can't help feeling responsible.

justkeepswimmingg · 30/06/2017 17:09

Agree with Chessie, OP.
Also it's not just the easy of access into your garden, but what if she were to vomit and choke. I know it sounds extreme, but if you are a floor up I'd assume you'd not be able to hear her, especially if hoovering. Not trying to scaremonger, but just giving another thought that may not have crossed your mind.

Bearfrills · 30/06/2017 17:16

I've let all of my DC nap in the back yard in their pram/pushchair at one time or another rather than bump them up the back step and wake them. Appropriately dressed for the weather, not in direct sunlight if it's sunny or raincover on if it's raining, back gate locked, and pram parked in sight of the house. I can see the entire back yard from anywhere in the kitchen and I potter around in there with the back door open so that I can hear them too. If I need to do anything in the front of the house then I've been known to park them in front of the living room window while I sit on the sofa with a drink and my book. I'm literally next to the pram and can see into it from the sofa.

If your neighbour complains again tell him you appreciate his concern but really it's none of his business, she is supervised and it's not up to him to tell you to never do it again. I'd also be telling him to stay out of your garden in future.

Coddiwomple · 30/06/2017 17:19

With all due respect, if you are just sitting on the sofa with a drink and a book, why can't you just be outside with the baby then?

I wouldn't leave my laptop or handbag in the garden, so I would be even less comfortable with a baby.

Bearfrills · 30/06/2017 17:23

what if she were to vomit and choke

Babies have a reflex to keep their airway clear, they'll automatically cough up or swallow any fluids that they bring up, studies show there is no increase in the number of deaths from choking of babies who sleep on their backs. Unless the baby in question had a medical or developmental condition affecting their ability to cough and/or swallow then the risk of choking on vomit while lying on their back sleeping would be incredibly tiny and no different to them sleeping in their got upstairs while parents are watching TV downstairs.

Cuppaoftea · 30/06/2017 17:25

I would feel awful to see a lonely pram with a baby in it and noone around, you can't help feeling responsible.

A baby in a pram for short periods in it's own back garden though? And when they clearly know who Op is and see her out with her DD on a daily basis.

The neighbours are being unnecessarily judgemental and interfering, the man was downright rude attempting to tell Op what to do with her own daughter and to me it's a bit strange the Wife is spending so much time watching the baby.

Salmotrutta · 30/06/2017 17:26

I left both of mine out in the pram (proper Siver Cross coach built) in all weathers at the back door. I could see the pram and I checked regularly.

Only kept them inside if it was foggy.

Everybody did it... but now it seems babies will dissolve/get stolen by fairies/bitten by a fox/insert appropriate event.

Do people stand next to their baby every minute nowadays?

URaflutteringcunt · 30/06/2017 17:26

I wouldn't in my current garden because like yours, neighbours can get in and we are also up some stairs. I just don't feel that's secure enough but I would if I had a traditional house set up.

Portishead200 · 30/06/2017 17:28

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Mudmagnetoftheworld · 30/06/2017 17:30

Can you put a lock on your garden gate or however the interfering neighbour got in?
Mine all slept in the garden in all weathers, or in the car on the drive with the gates shut and me in a nearby room.

I'd be more concerned that your neighbour just let himself into your garden! He could have knocked on your door if was that worried.