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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Leaving DD sleeping in pram in garden.

113 replies

Lozzy5790 · 30/06/2017 16:31

I live in terraced flats. Since DD (8 mos) was tiny, if she fell asleep in her pram I would just leave her at the bottom of the steps asleep (obviously as long as it wasn't raining). At first I would sit outside with her but over time I've started using the time to do a spot of housework. I only ever do housework in the hall or the kitchen so I can always see her. Where I leave her is one floor down from where I am but she's in eye sight the whole time and in a back garden - you can't see her from the street. I could probably get to her faster when she wakes up than someone in a bigger two story house could get to their baby.

Some new people have moved in to a flat a few gardens down, so from their door they can see our garden, and today I was hoovering the hallway and saw the man walk into our garden. Obviously I went out straight away and he said to me "I'm glad you're here this time- my wife and I don't like you leaving her out there unattended for hours at a time! Anything could happen to her or someone could take her. When you left her out on Monday my wife had to sit at the window all day to make sure she was ok. Please don't do it anymore."

To be clear I'm not leaving her out there for hours - I'm letting her finish her nap in her pram in the garden in my full view. As soon as she wakes up in right there for her. The only people who should be in our garden are us and the people who live in the flat next door (which is no one at the moment).

I'm not BU here am I? Happy to be told I'm being neglectful if I am but I don't see the point in waking her up when she's happy?

Also, if IANBU what should I say to the guy next time (if there is one?) This time I just kind of looked at him and said that I'm right here and she's fine.

OP posts:

DixieFlatline · 01/07/2017 15:05

what if a wasp stung the baby, he/she had an allergic reaction, and mum came back to find her unable to breathe or worse?

It is normal to have a baby monitor inside the pram so you can hear if the baby seems unsettled.

Borangeisthenneworange · 01/07/2017 15:30

I used to leave mine in the back garden which was private and fully enclosed whilst I sat on a chair in the room just inside with the door open watching her. I could get to her in literally 10 seconds as I was about 6 ft away just the other side of the open door.

I would not leave a baby in a communal back garden or if I had to go down stairs to get to them. I can't see how she's in sight the whole time if you have to go up to the first floor to get to your flat.

coconuttella · 01/07/2017 15:42

For those worried about wasps and insects... those pesky things can get inside too you know!

LonginesPrime · 01/07/2017 15:56

OP, what would concern me more than the fact your neighbour could walk into your garden was the fact he did walk into it.

It sounds like he was surprised to see you there so quickly so he turned the situation back on you to make it look like you were in the wrong. He admitted he could see the baby from his house so he didn't need to go closer to check there was a baby in the pram or anything. He obviously had some plan of action when he entered your garden heading for the baby and you stopped him in his tracks.

The normal thing for a concerned neighbour to do would be to knock on the front door to talk to you, or if really concerned about something serious, to call SS, I guess.

His accusing you of not watching her detracted from the fact he had walked into someone else's property to approach a baby he thought was unattended.

If it were me with a young baby, I would call 101 and explain what happened. They're obviously not going to tell you if he has a shady past, but if you give his address and he's known to them, I would hope they could join the dots to keep your baby safe.

I would make the garden more secure too with barbed wire and an electric fence to keep him out.

NetflixandBill · 01/07/2017 16:01

YANBU - I've repaired our side gate lock during my pregnancy exactly for this reason. I'd like to be able to leave our baby snoozing outside the back door if needed. Our garden is secure and i think fresh air and nature sounds are lovely to sleep in

LakieLady · 01/07/2017 16:19

It used to be perfectly normal to put babies out in gardens for an hour or two in all weathers: wrapped up well if cold, with cat nets to protect from cats/foxes, fine mesh nets to protect from insects and a sunshade if it was sunny. And that was before baby monitors were invented! I don't think the practice was stopped because of an epidemic of babynapping or infants being stolen by foxes.

Now we have monitors that will let you hear the slightest whimper or snuffle, I see nothing wrong with it. Fresh air is good for them and being out in natural light helps establish good sleep cycles.

Put a bolt on the side gate and tell the neighbours to mind their own fucking business.

Natsku · 01/07/2017 16:22

Surely in a garden a cat could enter and frighten or jump on the baby? What about insects/wasps/bees etc?

An insect net solves those potential issues.

OP - this is very common where I live (and no one here has secure gardens in the sense of walls/fences and locked gates apart from people with dogs) even in communal gardens (though balconies are usually used in blocks of flats but ground floor flats and terraces use the communal gardens) and I left DD outside to nap as a baby and will do with my next baby (the midwives and child nurses practically order you to!)
Two pieces of advice though for extra security and piece of mind - insect net and battery powered baby monitor.

ittakes2 · 01/07/2017 21:08

I'm sorry but if that man can enter your garden then I do not think it's secure enough to leave her there

PratStick · 01/07/2017 21:15

I did in a secure garden, not one that people can wander in to

PollyPelargonium52 · 02/07/2017 12:56

There is something very creepy about a neighbouring watching somebody's baby the whole day. Very creepy.

PratStick · 02/07/2017 13:31

Is it very creepy? I don't think the neighbour enjoyed it! They were concerned rightly or wrongly about the baby.

I've sat outside parked cars where a child was left inside in case the parent didn't come back soon (lived in a hot climate). I was annoyed I had to do it.

WeAllHaveWings · 02/07/2017 13:50

I used to leave ds outside in our garden to sleep with a cat/insect net over the pram. But it was enclosed with a 6ft fence and locked gate, even then I wouldn't have done jobs upstairs or in the kitchen (other side of house) as he wouldn't have been close enough to hear him.

No way would I have left him in an unsecured garden while I was in an upstairs flat hoovering.

Chipsahoy · 02/07/2017 15:21

In a secure garden yes do it. But your neighbour got in?

Both of mine slept at the back door, gate bolted at the side and I'd get on and batch cook or wash up, or drink tea at the table and watch them..
Ttc number three and intend to do the same with the next one.

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