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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving DD sleeping in pram in garden.

113 replies

Lozzy5790 · 30/06/2017 16:31

I live in terraced flats. Since DD (8 mos) was tiny, if she fell asleep in her pram I would just leave her at the bottom of the steps asleep (obviously as long as it wasn't raining). At first I would sit outside with her but over time I've started using the time to do a spot of housework. I only ever do housework in the hall or the kitchen so I can always see her. Where I leave her is one floor down from where I am but she's in eye sight the whole time and in a back garden - you can't see her from the street. I could probably get to her faster when she wakes up than someone in a bigger two story house could get to their baby.

Some new people have moved in to a flat a few gardens down, so from their door they can see our garden, and today I was hoovering the hallway and saw the man walk into our garden. Obviously I went out straight away and he said to me "I'm glad you're here this time- my wife and I don't like you leaving her out there unattended for hours at a time! Anything could happen to her or someone could take her. When you left her out on Monday my wife had to sit at the window all day to make sure she was ok. Please don't do it anymore."

To be clear I'm not leaving her out there for hours - I'm letting her finish her nap in her pram in the garden in my full view. As soon as she wakes up in right there for her. The only people who should be in our garden are us and the people who live in the flat next door (which is no one at the moment).

I'm not BU here am I? Happy to be told I'm being neglectful if I am but I don't see the point in waking her up when she's happy?

Also, if IANBU what should I say to the guy next time (if there is one?) This time I just kind of looked at him and said that I'm right here and she's fine.

OP posts:
user1497357411 · 30/06/2017 20:48

The neighbour is out of line. It is very healthy for children to sleep in the garden. But maybe you should make sure that the neighbour can't enter so easily.

Justaboy · 30/06/2017 21:15

My mum used to to leave me and sister out in all weathers and I mean all weathers!. Over time we've had a very good immune system! Gran used to do the same too she was as hard as nails really was, sissys were to be molly coddled indoors and she wasn't having that !

Barbie222 · 30/06/2017 21:46

I used to live in a flat with a communal garden and no, I wouldn't I'm afraid. Here we do have a lock on the gate but I didn't leave a baby small enough that it needed to go in a pram because of the red kites.

NSEA · 30/06/2017 21:57

They are very creepy.

twobarnsmammisonthebus · 30/06/2017 21:57

It is indeed very common to do this in Scandinavia, although I've never (personally) seen it done in a communal garden - most often on a balcony or private garden, or outside playgroup. It's not uncommon to use a baby monitor on the pram, so maybe that's something you could consider if you felt you needed to OP.

emmyrose2000 · 01/07/2017 02:35

No, I wouldn't leave my baby sleeping outside in a garden alone, especially an unsecure and/or communal one.

Pengggwn · 01/07/2017 05:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zaurak · 01/07/2017 07:06

Common here in Sweden. But not in insecure places, like communal gardens. People leave babies out on secure balconies or in daycare courtyards with monitors on and someone watching. I honestly wouldn't in the situation you describe (and I am not anti sleeping outdoors, ds does it at daycare down to -17 ish.)
Be aware also that a neighbour that nosy may think of making a report.

Outdoors napping is great but you need constant sight line on them and never in an insecure area.

GinIsIn · 01/07/2017 07:16

Leaving the baby to nap in the garden is fine if the garden is secure but yours clearly isn't if someone from several gardens over can just wander in. A few PPs have asked already - is this a communal garden?

Pistachiois50pmore · 01/07/2017 07:24

I'm pretty relaxed but I wouldn't leave a baby one floor down in a garden that neighbours had easy access to.

We're in a terraced house with a walled yard (the gate is difficult but not impossible to open from the wrong side) with the door opening straight into the kitchen. I'd feel okay about that if the door was wide open but wouldn't even leave the room to go into a cupboard.

Doesn't mean that your neighbour wasn't being an annoying busybody though.

TDHManchester · 01/07/2017 07:36

Stranger danger alaert.

Did you know that in iceland it is normal to leave your baby/young child outside of stores /shops/your home even in freezing cold weather?

I saw a lot of it when i was there visiting.

qz.com/351821/for-generations-icelandic-babies-have-napped-in-sub-zero-temperatures-outside/

twattymctwatterson · 01/07/2017 07:41

Honestly I think it's a bit dodgy. You have an open garden which everyone has access to and she can't possibly always be in your line of vision if you're doing housework. I'm pretty lax but wouldn't risk it

Neutrogena · 01/07/2017 07:46

Surely in a garden a cat could enter and frighten or jump on the baby?What about insects/wasps/bees etc?

This is a joke right?

Boopboopboop · 01/07/2017 07:48

As long as it's a secure a private garden. Can't you sit outside with her though? I wouldn't do it here as there's so many cats around

Brown76 · 01/07/2017 07:58

Think it's fine to leave baby out, although I'd be worried about cats, and after this, how easy it is to get access to your garden. And also how easily you could become distracted while doing the housework. But I think the comments about the neighbour are very harsh. They can't see you, so you could be in another part of the house or fallen asleep for all they know. All they can see is your child outside alone. They sound like decent people for being concerned enough to come and check that they/you were ok.

Anatidae · 01/07/2017 08:00

Iceland isn't really comparable- it's a very low population low crime society. I live in Sweden and here it depends where you are. People dont do this much in big cities any more.

waitforitfdear · 01/07/2017 08:01

I used to let mine sleep in the garden but it's super secure and I would have them just outside the open French window.

I wouldn't in your circumstances purely because clearly wierdos can and have accessed it.

Unless I have missed something os this a communal garden or was your neighbour trespassing?

waitforitfdear · 01/07/2017 08:07

Must read the decomposing baby post! People should really stop posting when drunk

MsPassepartout · 01/07/2017 09:07

I think this is only okay if it's a secured and safe garden. Your garden is clearly not secure if your neighbour can enter it by himself. Plus I'm also wondering if it's a communal garden.

Our garden is secure as far as people getting in is concerned - high fences and locked side gate - but I wouldn't leave my baby out there alone because of the neighbours cat. It thinks that our garden is its garden (we've also had to chase it out of our house before) and I wouldn't trust it to leave a baby in my garden alone.

Footle · 01/07/2017 11:57

Off topic , but barbie22 whereabouts do you live, with so many red kites?

Barbie222 · 01/07/2017 14:27

Around Chilterns. They occasionally attack as they are becoming accustomed to people feeding them.

MrsKCastle · 01/07/2017 14:37

I used to do this, leave my DDs in a pushchair asleep at the bottom of the steps outside while I was one floor up. And no, it wasn't a secure garden. I did check on them very regularly. I don't feel any shame about it, the risks of someone coming along and taking/hurting them was very very small. Life does involve risks, and that's one I was happy to take.

missm0use · 01/07/2017 14:42

I leave my DD asleep in the pram downstairs in our garage. Saves me having to carry a heavy pram & toddler upstairs and she gets to finish her nap, she generally sleeps for another 2 hours if left downstairs. I check on her every 30 mins & have a baby monitor next to her just encase as I can't see her from upstairs.

TBH it's none of your neighbour's business. His wive's anxiety is not your concern. If there is a next time maybe suggest she goes to see her GP about her anxiety issues!

ComputerUserNotTrained · 01/07/2017 14:57

Red kites attack people? Blimey Shock

ComputerUserNotTrained · 01/07/2017 14:59

YANBU op, btw.