To wonder why people seem to have a problem with my 'lazy' lifestyle?

[Bumpandkind]

My dp and I both work part time. We don't own but happily rent a nice house. We have a son 4 why goes to school everyday of the week. We don't rely on anyone for money and have just enough for rent, food and a few treats. We can't for example afford a foreign holiday but we like caravan and camping holidays in the uk.
We can't really afford much new stuff but are happy with what we've got and can afford toys for birthdays and Christmas etc.

My days off look like this:
Get up at 5 and play with ds. He is awaiting a diagnosis of high functioning ASD and everyday starts at 5 and its full on play time till he goes to school. The chances of him playing alone or watching tv are zero so it's full on for a while.

I go back to bed after dp takes him to school and surface about 10-11ish

I then potter and do house work, go for an hour or twos walk and just enjoy myself. Ds comes home and it's the usual routine that most parent have in the evening.

The same goes for dp. He works about 4 shifts a week and when off does gardening, cooking and sleeping.
People often make comments that if we worked more we could have so much more but we're happy as we are. The same goes for more children. Ds is a star but as most parent of children with ASD, life can be hectic and unpredictable and we are happy with just the one.

People constantly have to let me know how busy their lives are and it makes me feel a bit guilty that mine isn't.

Oh Do you claim benefits?

Right scrolled througha d see you get tax credits. That is a different ball game. No wonder this country is so fuckef up. Stop sleeping and pay fir your selves.

I like the fisherman story.

I work only 16 hours a week and have a great lifestyle. I could work more, but I am happy.
Why bust a gut if you don't need to?

Ah Tax Credits, what a surprise.

So others are working all the hours under the sun to pay taxes that funds your lifestyle choice. Your OP made it seem like you we're being smug and frugal when actually I'm paying for you to do this. At least one of you needs to work full time and stop claiming benefits.

Ah I somehow missed the tax credits. In that case YABU.

Sadly people could lose their jobs and the home they "own" unless they have already paid off their mortgage. I have seen it happen years ago to friends. I also owned (and outright! but a long time ago when property was a lot cheaper) but now rent and am a lot happier... the only thing I stress about now is the fact i am raising a special needs child and cannot leave a property to him when he is older.

Sorry OP but tax credits ? Nah

My DP has a similar set up but it's funded by me not the taxpayer

Sorry that was in response to an earlier post orb what if they lost their jobs and rented home but haven't worked out how to add onto somebody's post yet! (Blonde and northern we don't get much high tech down t'pits!!!)

I think your letting other people's busy lives worry you too much. On,y thing I would think about is future proofing - getting pensions sorted as other people have said.

You can try for dla for ds and carers allowance for yourself - that way you could put all carers allowance into a pension and build yourself a good pension pot while caring for ds. You may find as ds gets older if he has asd that work is hard to manage

Not read the whole thread OP but just wanted to say it'll be because people are jealous! Simple as that.
I am currently at the end of my degree (as is DH) and we've both decided were going to work 4 days a week each so we can spend more time together and with DC. You should have seen the look on MIL's face when I said it though - she is a workaholic and can't understand why anyone wouldn't dedicate their life to their job 😕 very odd.
It sounds like you've got a great work-life balance, so don't let anyone make you feel bad for it :)

Ahhh sorry I've just seen the tax credits drip. Hmmm, slightly different then I have to say OP....

Plenty of people work full time in minimum wage paying jobs and cost 'the taxpayer' many hundreds in childcare a month whilst paying very little in tax. These people cost 'the taxpayer' far more than the OP but because they are 'out working' they are seen as more worthy. The OP is caring for her SEN child and working part time. Why is that dismissed as lazy and selfish when someone looking after someone else's child or cleaning someone else's toilets is seen as 'hardworking'? The second costs much more in childcare.

As for people who chase money and bigger and bigger houses, cars and holidays. Are they any better than a couple working part time and taking care of their SEN child?

Would op be getting the same hard time from people if she were a sahm and her dp worked ft? Same amount of money coming in, same tax credits just different set up?

Child with ASD can be an exhausting full time job and it sounds like you're sharing the load. Listen to Cats in the Cradle and you'll feel so much better. My dh could have worked abroad and only come home at weekends. I could have gone back to my high powered job after my dd was born but instead we decided life is for living. We live in a modest house, can pay our bills and have a decent holiday once a year. Some can't understand why we don't want a bigger house but we don't need one. Be grateful that you've discovered what life is really about and pity those who are still searching.

windy - the you DH could have refused the inheritance couldn't he, so he wouldn't have had the debt? The debt belonged to the estate rather than automatically being passed down. Is that correct?

As for funeral costs, as you say the state will help if the relatives don't have enough so if OP's family are all on low incomes too that will work out OK. Otherwise, yes I agree that she should make provision for her funeral. Most people do that after age 55 though so probably not relevant for OP at the moment.

"I don't think I'm jealous, but
Tax credits
Pension
Career progression is better when you work full time."

Loads of jobs don't have career progression anyway, makes no difference if you work full or part time. That's one of the main things with these questions on MN, so many mumsnetters are career women who think that others also have careers, when in fact they have jobs. Working full time in a low paid job isn't going to suddenly make OP able to buy a house or have a big pension.

"She worked part time and had a very hand to mouth existence, but was very happy and didn't need much to get by.

Then, changes in the industry she worked in made it harder and harder for her to pay the rent. Then she was suddenly and unexpectedly hit with health problems. She is now homeless, can't work and her meagre savings have run out. She is living on the charity of friends (too proud to claim benefits). The future doesn't look good for her."

I don't understand how she can live off her friends but not off benefits. This is the problem here, not the fact that she used to work part time. Many people who can't work because they're ill have to rely on benefits and if you have savings in that situation you're penalised for it anyway.

Anyway, the OP has clearly had the validation that they need from earlier posts and hasn't been back in a while, so we're all just arguing between ourselves. 😂

I do think the assumption that more work will equal better career progression, more security and an adequate pension (as opposed to a slightly less inadequate one than OP now has) needs to be challenged. That's simply not the case for a lot of people. I'd advise OP and DH to at least think about working more simply to protect themselves from benefits reform a bit, but the idea that it's going to do more than that doesn't really square with what she's said.

I'm all for prioritising family over work, and we try really hard to create the right balance in our lives. The only thing that bothers me OP, is that you have no idea what your pension is worth? I really think you should look into that side of things a little more.

You do rely on the state so your not self supporting and that was a very deliberate drip feed I feel.

Someone else commented on children being resentful of second hand everything. When they are little they do not have a clue but as they get older they know and for sure I was resentful. I was one of six dc and before tax credits exsisted. All it did to me was make me a striver and I educated myself out of my humble background.

People can live as they wish within the parameter of the law and the state and the op is doing nothing actually wrong. for me she is the kind of claimant of benefits that as she has a child with SN I can see the point, others not so much.

"Someone else commented on children being resentful of second hand everything."

Yes, I was a bit as I got older, but then my hand-me-downs were from much older cousins and I also had old jumble sale stuff. This was the same whether it was just DF who worked or if DM worked as well. I think it could have been better if I'd had a slightly older sister or something. There's Primark now though so new clothes are more affordable.

I'm the opposite of a striver now!

I havent read all the messages-only got to page 3 but the slating of OP claiming tax credits whilst caring for a child with additional needs and yet working is making me a little cross.
So many people claim tax credits nowadays...
They arn't sat on benefits claiming everything they are "entitled" to, they are working 8 full days between them and juggling child care with a demanding child.(btw op you may be entitled to dla for the child)
I know from the experience of raising a child with complex additional needs-which having worked with children with additional needs, I naively thought I was prepared for when adopting him... However the reality of 24/7 full on care with a child who needs 1-2-1 attention and doesn't sleep and no support is VERY different-I couldn't physically manage to do a full time job now and my own health has deteriated from caring for someone else without support... i physically need a day off to sleep or rest once a week but usually manage once a fortnight whilst son is at school... those few hours are very precious and would be unachievable with full time work... also i cannot get child care who will take on a special needs- I had a special needs nursery who charged me for full sessions but refused to allow him the full sessions as the nursery couldn't cope so he was removed from there. Things are not as simple as others think.
I also take trips away with son (same places,same hotels otherwise he can't cope with change) people comment on how I can afford it on my income when they can't etc and I do actually point out to them that unlike them I don't drink,smoke,go out EVER,have any hobbies other than reading and have no perks others consider normal like sky tv or internet other than my phone and my tv is so old it takes half an hour to get a picture but I choose that sacrifice over time off with my child and trips away (UK i must add apart from a few out of season trips to euro disney) so it suits us.
I will add previously I worked 60 odd hours a week for years and owned my own home... I also lived with an ex who had our home in their name and even though I contributed 50/50 I walked away with nothing but the dog that I had prior to the relationship.. so things don't always work out like you think they will.
Op I am with you, in what makes you and your family happy and works is better than a lifetime of misery... plus days out on a budget are great... I pay £54 a year for english heritage and you get 6 children under 16 in for free if you want to drag their friends along with, you also can get a carer in for free for each child with a disability if you provide proof of disability which can be a massive help.
I also think the motto
"Try walking a mile in another person's shoes" applies to some people on here...
On the positive side... at least the responses are not like another public forum with a very similar name

I will also add that like a previous poster I do squirrel away extra money for my son's future as he will not be able to live unsupported and dont rely solely on benefits before people assume from my post and I made a lot of sacrifices to adopt my son...

I'm jealous too. It sounds like a lovely balance. Ignore them, as long as you and your family are happy.