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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Re school changing rooms (swimming)

111 replies

FancyFingers · 30/06/2017 10:54

My ds yr 2, is swimming this term with school. It's changed venue from a local school with a tiny pool, to a huge pool, which is also attached to a school, but is open to the general public as well; my son's school hire two lanes for an hour.

Anyway, he has had two sessions already and has worried me a bit with the changing facilities.

He goes in the afternoon, but wants to wear his trunks under his uniform, which is new for him. He says it's embarrassing as they have loads of "random people" in the changing room.

Apparently (according to Ds) the boys are separated from the girls. The girls have cubicles which they use in pairs, but the boys are in a the men's changing rooms which are communal.

At this point I didn't realise the pool was open to the public, and asked him who these random people are? Which he replied with "just strangers coming in and out", I thought he meant the TAs or teachers etc.

I mentioned it to the headteacher when dropping him off as they were on the gate, and this is how I know they have 2 lanes and it's open to the public. I said what my ds had said about random people, and this is what he is referring to. The ht said not to worry as they have a member of staff with them when in the changing rooms. But when I helped out with swimming last time (at the other pool) the ta would be in and out, pulled in all directions. The boys had a communal room here too, but only they were using the pool, and parent helpers had to be dbs checked of course.

I just feel bothered by this. That strangers to the children share a room with them whilst undressed basically.

Aibu and a prude? Would this bother you at all?

OP posts:

NapQueen · 30/06/2017 10:56

I think as long as there is a TA in the changing room with them at all times then it wouldnt bother me. If dh was to take ds swimming they would presumably use this changing room (which is a typical one by the sounds of it).

2014newme · 30/06/2017 10:56

It's not being a,prude it's a serious safeguarding issue. I'd put my concerns in writing to the HT, governors and local safeguarding officer.

janesmom · 30/06/2017 11:01

Why is it that people now say anything they don't like is a "safeguarding issue". Absolutely absurd.

Sounds like a normal public pool to me. Welcome to the real world.

araiwa · 30/06/2017 11:03

Its a public pool

Where would he change if you took him?

blackteasplease · 30/06/2017 11:04

I think it's fine as the TA (or some Dad volunteers?) is keeping an eye.

Presumably the alternative is not swimming at that pool as they can't all use the cubicles.

AtHomeDadGlos · 30/06/2017 11:07

YABU. It's a public pool and unhygienic for your child to wear his trunks under his uniform all day.

What is it with parents who feel their child should be pandered to, and that every person must be out to harm them?

Just stop and reflect on how you're raising your child.

Mumzypopz · 30/06/2017 11:10

My first reaction is that I don't like the sound of it, I wouldn't want random people or a ta watching my child get dressed...but then as others have pointed out, he would probably get changed in there with his dad. And boys bits are on show a bit when they just go to a public toilet, aren't they?

AtHomeDadGlos · 30/06/2017 11:13

Firstly, any staff will have been checked and cleared, including those working at the sports centre. So your only 'concern' should be with the other customers in the changing room. If your little boy is so precious about this, a nervousness that must have been picked up from you, then he shouldn't swim. He can watch from the sides.

Original poster

FancyFingers · 30/06/2017 11:14

AtHomeDad, calm down.

OP posts:

NotAClueReally3 · 30/06/2017 11:16

Fucking hell AtHomeDad! Bit harsh don't you think?. Firstly I fail to see how wearing trunks under school shorts is in any way different or less hygienic than wearing pants. Secondly, pandering? Questioning how OP is raising their child? What the actual fuck are you on about?! OP is concerned about their child's safety.

FWIW I agree with you, OP. It's all very well others saying that if your DH took him he'd be in the same changing room, but your son would feel safe with his parent. The kid feels uncomfortable being naked in public without his parent's protection and I firmly believe we should respect and listen to kids when it comes to things like this. They need to be able to tell us when they feel a situation is uncomfortable and it needs to be addressed. YANBU.

Mumzypopz · 30/06/2017 11:16

At-home.....that's not nice at all.....little boys would naturally be nervous getting undressed in front of people.

2014newme · 30/06/2017 11:17

I think allowing children to be naked in front of unchecked strangers, and allowing strangers to be naked in front of them is a safeguarding issue.
Clearly I'm in the minority.

BarbarianMum · 30/06/2017 11:18

If there is a member of staff in the changing room to keep an eye on (and out for) the boys then what's the problem?

When your son is 9 he will be going into the mens to get changed and there will be other men there. Has he never used the mens with his dad?

2014newme · 30/06/2017 11:18

I think allowing children to be naked in front of unchecked strangers, and allowing strangers to be naked in front of them is a safeguarding issue.
Clearly I'm in the minority.

EmmaGellerGreen · 30/06/2017 11:23

Once they're 8, they go in the men's anyway, even if you're with them. There will doubtless be other people there then. If they are y2, some will be 8 soon.

MissWitch · 30/06/2017 11:23

The schools use my local swimming pool that's open to members of the public but the leisure centre put a note on the male and female communal changing room saying they're only for schools while they're there, so if you're a member of the public using the pool at the same time you just have to use the individual changing rooms. You are quite right that it's a safeguarding issue and I'd feel very uneasy with kids using the same changing room as adult strangers, whether there's a TA present or not. I'd write a letter of complaint to the head.

EthelsDisco · 30/06/2017 11:31

' So your only 'concern' should be with the other customers in the changing room. If your little boy is so precious about this, a nervousness that must have been picked up from you'

Its surely normal and a good thing in fact for dc to feel uncomfortable getting changed in front of strangers.

Ameliablue · 30/06/2017 11:31

It doesn't sound ideal for school swimming. I would assume it would have to be a male member of staff with them and they are few and far between in primaries. It would be better if they could close the changing room for the time needed for them to change.

EthelsDisco · 30/06/2017 11:33

'but the leisure centre put a note on the male and female communal changing room saying they're only for schools while they're there, so if you're a member of the public using the pool at the same time you just have to use the individual changing rooms.'

That seems good sense surely. Just ask the school can the changing rooms be for the kids only while they are there.

BarbarianMum · 30/06/2017 11:34

Ethel no not really. How does it help a child to be uneasy about getting changed in front of strangers in a setting where getting changed in front of strangers is normal? Are you uneasy at getting changed in a changing room?

kaitlinktm · 30/06/2017 11:35

Wearing his trunks under his uniform won't help when he has to get dressed again though.

I presume this will have all been risk assessed. Although the MOS might have been "in and out, pulled in all directions" when you were there at the previous pool, part of the risk assessment might insist that they never leave the changing rooms until all the children are dressed.

witsender · 30/06/2017 11:35

Difficult one, my kids do swimming lessons at a pool that is open to the public and they all change together. I'm not sure if it is different when they are the school's responsibility though?

firawla · 30/06/2017 11:35

I wouldn't be happy with this either. I think I'd just let him wear the trunks under from the morning! Or teach him how to change under his towel so he's not on show? Are there no cubicles at all in the boys side?!

PreviouslyBannedToaster · 30/06/2017 11:35

I think you'd be creating an issue where there really not need be one if you wrote to the head and governors.

I really couldn't be a teacher.

Verbena37 · 30/06/2017 11:37

The fact that they I never the schools care and therefore school must be adhering to their own and local off site policy with adult to child ratios etc, means it is a safeguarding issue.

Were it private pool with sole use changing rooms, then it would be much easier to monitor. As it is, unless they can be 100% sure that the TA or parent helper stays in the room whilst they change and doesn't leave to go off somewhere else, then I believe it's breaking the safeguarding policy.

For the people saying "but what's the difference to going with a parent".
The same can be said for taking the class walking round town. Children walk around town with parents and the rules then are whatever the parents make them. The school when taking them out though, still needs to abide by the policy for ratios and safeguarding. The same applies at the pool.

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