AIBU to be offended by gay 'joke' outfit

[freshstart24]

DP has a stag do this weekend. He's been dressed up in a costume (photo sent to me by his sister), which his mates think makes him look gay, with t/shirt with a rainbow design and a 'funny' slogan about being gay.

I don't want to completely out myself by giving more costume details- it's not graphic, but I find it offensive to take the piss in this way.

I will be accused of being uptight and over sensitive. I'm
Not upset that they have dressed DP up but I really really don't like 'jokes' like this- to me they are not funny, and are offensive to gay people.

I find it hard not to bite back at gay 'jokes', as I do with those that make 'jokey' comments about people's race, religion, looks etc.. I tend to get accused of being uptight. I find it hard to bit back as I'm a really people pleaser but I feel it's important to do my bit to stamp this stuff out.

I should maybe say that DP and I are straight. We've settled down in our mid thirties and until he met me DP had not had a long term relationship- some of his friends and family thought he might be gay (sigh) and so I guess this is where the costume theme came from.

I have several gay friends, two of them in particular struggled to come to terms with their sexuality and I know that when they see this type of piss take they are offended and hurt- and I completely understand why.

I've already stuck my neck out and commented on a what's app group that IMO the costume is a fail, as I don't like gay jokes. This felt quite brave as I tend to avoid conflict like the plague.

AIBU to be offended, and to say as much when my DP and a group of 20 of his mates are "just having a laugh'.

But the joke is either "hahaha, he looks like a gay, people will think he's a gay" or possibly "hahaha, don't gay people look silly". I don't think either option is pleasant; it's homophobic, plain and simple.

If your gay friends don't have a problem with it, great, but some gay people in this thread do - are you telling them they're not allowed to be offended?

In any event, even as a straight person, I find mocking gay people or gayness to be offensive, just as I find racism offensive. I'm capable of empathy.

If you and your friends enjoy joking about each others' sexuality in private conversation, then no-one is going to police that, but wearing a 'gay person' costume in public is something quite different.

And honestly, if you can't find things to laugh at other than people being of a different sexuality to you, then you need to work on your sense of humour.

What does a gay person look like anyway? How do you "dress like a gay" ffs?

I think it's twatty tbh. As a pp said purple at best, offensive at worst. No need for it.

What does a gay person look like anyway? How do you "dress like a gay" ffs?
T-shirts with rainbow designs and funny slogans about being gay, obviously. You know, the gay uniform.

But the joke is either "hahaha, he looks like a gay, people will think he's a gay" or possibly "hahaha, don't gay people look silly". I don't think either option is pleasant; it's homophobic, plain and simple

Good summing up.

What does a gay person look like anyway? How do you "dress like a gay" ffs?

Perhaps they mean a well cut suit and an expensive tie?

My partner and his mates went out dressed up as old ladies for someone's birthday before. It looked really funny. They don't somehow dislike old ladies and want to take the piss out of them, but it was still funny

When you say 'old ladies' Nancy do you mean pantomime dame type outfits. Don't see many old 'ladies' dressed like that, if that's what you mean, so don't think it's quite the same thing.

Most of the older women I see around me seem to be either extremely elegant or a bit sporty looking. The only one's who dress down at heel and scruffy, tend to be the very poorest old women. So obviously they're hilarious.

For me the difference is that 'old ladies' aren't a minority group who in the past, and still today do experience prejudice and judgement.

No, just wigs, glasses and old lady ish knitted cardigans and dresses from charity shops. Walking sticks and stuff. The walking sticks weren't meant to take the piss out of the disabled, but it did make it funnier.

You can't choose your sense of humour, mine is very dry! I fully accept people taking the piss out of me if it isn't meant maliciously, I can laugh along. The gay men and the lesbians I know make jokes about their sexuality almost every time I see them. I frequently go to a gay nightclub where straight men dress as women for a laugh. The gay drag queens aren't offended by it.

Different people find different things funny / offensive and that will always be the case.

My partner and his mates went out dressed up as old ladies for someone's birthday before. It looked really funny. They don't somehow dislike old ladies and want to take the piss out of them, but it was still funny

What is funny about "old ladies"? Setting aside the question of course of what is an "old lady"?

As for the difference is that 'old ladies' aren't a minority group who in the past, and still today do experience prejudice and judgement - clearly never heard of ageism then.

Good points , well made pigsDOfly

With any luck some massive gay guy will punch his lights out.
Are the others blacked up?

No, just wigs, glasses and old lady ish knitted cardigans and dresses from charity shops. Walking sticks and stuff. The walking sticks weren't meant to take the piss out of the disabled, but it did make it funnier

And that is funny?

My partner and his mates went out dressed up as old ladies for someone's birthday before. It looked really funny. They don't somehow dislike old ladies and want to take the piss out of them, but it was still funny

Why was it funny? Genuine question.

I would mostly think that they were really really boring.

The joke is targeted at the bloke (they had wondered if he might have been gay, is that right?).

It's teasing yes but it doesn't actually show what these guys think of say a family member who is gay.

Sometimes these types dress up as "women". It doesn't offend me as they are taking the piss out of each other not women.

And no, none of it is funny to me.

It was funny because they are a bunch of massive muscular bodybuilding young men who were wearing dresses and chunky knitted cardigans with cats etc on. It was excellent. I won't post a picture because that would be stupid online, but it was really funny. What do you find funny? Not blunt humour, not visual humour like this. So what do you find funny? Knock knock jokes?

Nope- still not seeing why this would be funny.

Here is a very well muscled man wearing a chunky knit and a skirt. I think he looks fabulous.

He looks silly and he's a twat, if you're easily offended why compliment someone so sexist? Also that's not a skirt it's a kilt for men, that givenchy paid him to wear and he kept laughing at it and twirling it about.

Not a granny outfit, is it, silly?

So your granny dress ups looked more like this did they?

www.google.ca/search?q=dress+up+like+granny&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi2sMPV9ejUAhVN6WMKHQgeCWMQ_AUICygC&biw=1440&bih=821#tbm=isch&q=dress+up+like+granny+stag&imgrc=fPyp7ANObZm6xM:

Nb I googled for this image, just like Lass probably did for her 'fit man in a skirt and jumper' image. I've no idea who those blokes are and think they look silly but not very funny. Dressing up as/impersonating a group of people for fun is taking the piss out of them surely, and a kilt is a type of skirt.

No those ones aren't funny, the guys I'm talking about ended up looking a bit like lady beard (google him) as little old lady clothes don't fit that type of man, they didn't buy costumes from a fancy dress shop, they went to charity shops and bought things they thought their Nan's might wear. It was funny. Rummaging desperately through google for images that aren't funny won't change the fact that everyone had a laugh and nobody got offended.

It seems a lot of people on this thread and mumsnet in general, actively try to be offended on other people's behalves, in order to have an argument. I would probably find the outfit in the OP funny, and I'm not homophobic, I'm openly bisexual. Learn to chill

Not a granny outfit, is it, silly?

I don't know- what is a granny outfit? Thinking of grannies I know it would be Levi jeans or dresses from Zara or suits from Max Mara. Are they funny?

He looks silly and he's a twat, if you're easily offended why compliment someone so sexist?

Sorry - not seeing anything remotely "sexist "about Vin Diesel in the skirt. I think you may have comprehensive problems about the word 'sexist"

Let me guess - does your fun loving partner and his ( I suspect tedious) friends wear the Clarkson outfit of badly fitting jeans?

"Comprehension" problems. Not comprehensive.

Fucking hell? 'dressed up like a gay?' of course it is in poor taste?

How do gays dress?

Like the gay bloke I know who's a reformed football hooligan, but still loves Fred Perry gear? Or my gay friend who's an IT consultant and has no fucking clue about clothes and generally looks like a bit of a dork? Or my gay friend who's a motorcycle enthusiast who is usually in an old Triumph t shirt that's splattered in grease or my gay friend who's adopted two kids and will wear whatever he's had time to wash isn't covered in kiddy sick.

Really the only thing they have in common, dress sense or otherwise is that they're sexually attracted to men.

Does you husband or his divvy mates actually know any gay people?