Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not understand why so many mumsnetters are against people posting pics of children on Facebook!?

186 replies

thedavidsons · 27/06/2017 23:33

I don't get it. Facebook is amazing for memories, everything is so easy to organise and track, I couldn't imagine not having pics of my children on there. I don't understand why so many mumsnetters are against it!?

OP posts:
CheerfulMuddler · 27/06/2017 23:59

Once you've put a picture on Facebook, you have no control over what happens to it. All you need is one friend or family member to carelessly share it or copy it and suddenly it's out in the world.

How would you have felt, aged thirteen, if the school bullies had had access to really embarrassing photos of you? And used them to humiliate you?

How would you have felt if the boy you fancied and were just about to make headway with, was suddenly confronted with your embarrassing auntie tagging you in a "Look at you ten years ago!" photo? It may or may not kill his ardour, but it would certainly have killed thirteen-year-old me's confidence in pursuing the relationship.

You can't predict what sort of body image problems your teenager might have, and how those photographs will affect that.

You also can't predict what will happen to those photos. Mara Wilson, who played Matilda, discovered perfectly innocent pictures of herself on a foot fetish website when she was twelve. Strangers wanking off to her feet. She spent her entire adolescence hiding from cameras. Another mother had photographs of her Down Syndrome daughter stolen without her consent and used to advertise an early detection test which would help parents abort Downs foetuses. Exactly the opposite of the message her blog was trying to send.

You say you don't care that your mum posts pictures of you. Great. But many, many children and teenagers DO care, and you can't ask your three-year-old for informed consent until it's too late.

troodiedoo · 28/06/2017 00:00

There was an article in the times magazine about this recently. Extensive research has shown that kids don't like their parents posting photos and / or anecdotes about them and it causes anxiety. A typical comment from a child aged around ten was that online was the only privacy they have and it was an invasion of it. We may well reach a time when children take legal action against their parents for posting content without permission.

It's all very well saying you yourself don't mind it, you have not grown up in the digital age. You are a fully formed grown up not a developing personality.

thedavidsons · 28/06/2017 00:01

@troodiedoo well I'm 19 and have had Facebook since 11 so kind of have?

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 28/06/2017 00:01

Some of my friends' DCs are growing up in their own Truman Show. I have seen photos of their first day at nursery/ school / sports day, which is lovely, but I have also seen them on the potty, watering the garden naked, in the bath, having tantrums, struggling with theur homework and all sorts of things which might be amusing if their mum just showed me on her phone privately but doesn't really need sharing with the world.

Plus my DD is adopted so there's a while other minefield there in terms of her security and privacy

missiondecision · 28/06/2017 00:02

I don't think it's a mumsnet-thing.
Reasons for no photos of kids online.
Custody issues
Adoption
Domestic violence
Snoopy nosey bastards
Identity theft
Embarrassing for the children/people involved
Private person
If the people following your dc on social media were really really that interested they would just come and see them surely. I know people live more global lives than every before but Facebook is not the only option.
I never have posted a picture of my dc online. They are late teens.

I actually don't understand why people do it.

zoemaguire · 28/06/2017 00:03

I don't get this fearmongering about pictures of children online being used as 'targets'. Targets for what? abuse? Why on earth would anybody pick a random picture of a random child on facebook to 'target'? How would they know their address, and why would they bother?! It's not like it's exactly hard for somebody with evil intent to find a child in real life, why would they want to search for one online?! It doesn't make any sense. Besides which my profile is locked down - only my friends can see it, and I'm fairly sure they know what my kids look like already!!! By the by, our local paper publishes (including online) reception photos of every single child in the city and surrounding areas, every year, and nobody seems to mind. This really is one area where mumsnet seems to be out of step with the prevailing mindset.

thedavidsons · 28/06/2017 00:03

I obviously wouldn't share photos of them on the potty, in the bath, etc. but 1st day of school, winning a sports award is hardly the most embarrassing thing in the world.

OP posts:
thedavidsons · 28/06/2017 00:04

Exactly @zoemaguire

OP posts:
MommaGee · 28/06/2017 00:05

I know some one who posts photos of their child but with big stars over their head. Not like a group photo just blocking out their child, but individual ones too. That I find much weirder than just not posting

Ellieboolou27 · 28/06/2017 00:06

19 nuff said

thedavidsons · 28/06/2017 00:07

@Ellieboolou27 what's that supposed to mean? Hmm

OP posts:
CheerfulMuddler · 28/06/2017 00:09

How would they know their address, and why would they bother?

If the parent had tagged the child in the photo, they would have access to their profile and therefore their messenger/email.

Most abusers don't target random strangers. They target family members and family friends' children. If they hear at the water cooler - for example - that a colleague's daughter is particularly vulnerable, then the last thing you want to do is give Bob in accounts her email address.

Jakeyboy1 · 28/06/2017 00:09

I post a fair bit. However... I never post anything revealing, pics in bath/pants/nappies/topless etc.Which I frequently see and bothers me.

zoemaguire · 28/06/2017 00:09

"I actually don't understand why people do it."

So that my friends and family abroad or in other parts of the country can keep up with what my kids are up to, and I with theirs? I really quite like seeing pictures of my friends' children growing up and doing their thing. It's lovely.

What I don't get is why it's so hard to understand that facebook is an excellent way of keeping in touch with family and friends, and that some people actually want to know about what their far-away friends are up to? Not a competition, not a chance to be snarky about how up themselves they are, or any of the other weird nonsense I read about on here - my friends tend to be my friends because I like them and want to know about what they are up to.

thedavidsons · 28/06/2017 00:09

You do realise you can change settings...

OP posts:
missiondecision · 28/06/2017 00:10

I'm sorry Zoe. But you are being very naive.
Photos are stolen of children online and exploited, the photos attracts the target audience. Proper names are not needed.

AssassinatedBeauty · 28/06/2017 00:11

Your local newspaper sounds out of step with the prevailing mindset where I live. I've never seen or heard of photos of each reception class being printed in the local papers. I don't think there is one country wide mindset about this.

I'm not that bothered about this idea about scary randoms taking any pictures for their own purposes. That's not the motivation for me at all. I also read the article about children being embarrassed by pictures being posted online, and don't want to cause anything along those lines. Plus the idea that when a child is old enough to understand, that there's maybe 10 years worth of posts about them online that they had no choice about and now no control over it either. Easy enough to not post stuff and avoid any issues.

Ellieboolou27 · 28/06/2017 00:12

It means your 19 therefore more likely to see FB as normal as you've grown up with it.

MaddiesMummy2012 · 28/06/2017 00:13

I post photos, I don't see the problem. I don't post embarrassing/nude, etc.

My local newspaper also posts the local school's reception photos.

NevermindtheBollocks · 28/06/2017 00:14

Can i ask?.... what if you uplaod a pic to fb but the only friend you have on there is your dh?
I have no other friends on my fb except dh. We use it to share stuff, as he works away.
Will our dc pics still be available forever to anyone on the net?

AssassinatedBeauty · 28/06/2017 00:14

Also, FB is not the only way of sharing photos!

missiondecision · 28/06/2017 00:14

It's lazy to use Facebook a lot of the time.
People don't need to visit you or your child, you do all the work for them.

Fair enough if you live on the other side of the world, I know people who do this and see it's benefits, but aunty Jan can clenched see you can't she? It's so impersonal.

zoemaguire · 28/06/2017 00:15

"If the parent had tagged the child in the photo, they would have access to their profile and therefore their messenger/email."

This is weirdly far-fetched. An abuser really doesn't need to do detailed detective work to find somebody to abuse - sadly. Anyway, nobody is arguing you should give chapter and verse on your kids' emotional difficulties on facebook. We're talking about posting a picture of your kids having fun playing rounders or having a picnic here!

missiondecision · 28/06/2017 00:16

Clenched ?? That shouldn't be there.
Jan can come and see you

thedavidsons · 28/06/2017 00:16

Also, you can change settings so you can view tags before your friends can, I often decline them and that's that. It really isn't hard.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.