MIL buying first things for baby?

[notsureifimbeingur]

I am 20 weeks pregnant and not sure if it's the hormones kicking in, or if I have a right to be a little annoyed. This might be a bit long, sorry.

Haven't had time to buy much yet for baby due to work, but hope to soon, but MIL has been buying HEAPS of stuff and texts my DH daily with what she has bought that day.
So far she has bought a Christmas top (baby due Nov) baby gros, dummy, can't remember all the rest there's been that much. She is also planning to buy our pram for us.

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful, but I feel that she is taking away the excitement we should be having buying these things for our baby?
If I go to buy things now, I feel like "oh, I can't as MIL already has got us one of those." I feel like I have to ask her for a list of what she has got us, so that I don't buy the same thing twice.

Have spoke to DH to get her to calm it down a bit, and he says she is just excited. To which I tried to explain how I wanted to be the ones to buy the first dummy, first nappies etc. He just looked at me like
I know I don't have to put our baby in the Christmas outfit she has bought, but I know she will make a comment about why I haven't put baby in her top.

AIBU to be upset about this, or is it my hormones?! I just want myself and DH to have a nice time buying our baby things instead of worrying that we will have two of the same things. I want to be excited but she has taken that away.

This could possibly out me.

My mil did this. She bought so much. Everyday she would come home(we lived with her) with something else. It was suitcases full of clothes, bottles, blankets, toys etc. EVERYTHING. She would show me.

The day my ds was born she said 'so what are you putting him in because this is all for my house'. So my exh and i had to go shopping the day i came out of the hospital. She was so horrible. I was a vulnerable 17 year old with only her and exh for support. As i said she was horrible. She did this because she thought that i was going to have ds and go out to work full time as soon as i got out of hospital and she was going to have ds full time.

Op i see your MILs behaviour as controlling.

Swap her stuff for older sizes so it will get used but later on. Buy what the hell you want. but let her know you are going to sort pram etc out because that's what you want to do. She had her turn she's hogging yours now with best intentions.

I think she is letting us choose the pram and she will pay for it

Lucky you op! I was also told mil would be buying the pram and I assumed that meant I would be choosing it and she would pay.

No, it meant her choosing it then she was mightily bitter and pissed off when I said no thanks, I need to choose my own. We ended up paying for our own too.
Mil was sadly a huge cloud on our first borns horizons, she really was she sapped all the joy out of nearly every moment we tried to share with her. I felt very much as if being the baby carrier was stepping on her toes as her self appointed role as baby buyer and controller.

Yes, it's very generous, but really it's just MIL having a grand old time shopping. It's fulfilling her needs as much as it is yours!

^ well of course. Its generous to a point isn't it. She isn't asking you what you need, what gaps can she cover though is she, thats a truly generous person isn't it. She is buying what she^ wants.

Op My mil did the same, loads of it went straight to charity shops. I feel no guilt now, I did agonize like you for a while...but not now.

I think this sort of insensitivity belies a certain kind of nature and you need to be careful and put boundaries in place now before baby comes, because its going to go off like a rocket then.

kimmy

"If you were that excited you would have bought some stuff yourself by now"

you do know actually its quite bad luck to buy in bulk before baby is here dont you! HOw crass!

I can see why you are upset, it is pretty special buying things for your first baby (or your second for that matter!). But don't let her buying things take away from that excitement- buy what you want for your baby, even if it's something she's already bought. You can just have duplicates or donate the other one. With the pram, I'd accept the offer as long as she will let you choose the exact one you want. It'll save you lots of money you can spend on other things. And I put my son in Christmas clothes for about 2-3 weeks in December so don't worry about that. You can use your choice on the day itself. Also at that age mine got through at least 5 outfits a day (very sicky baby).

I would love for someone to buy my son loads of the necessities. Once you see how much nappies costs you'll be grateful for the help.

My MIL has never bought our DCs anything except birthday and Christmas gifts. She has a large spread out family so had several GDCs while her own younger ones were small. We didn't expect any baby things from her and my own DPs only paid for the pram.
OP's MIL is certainly taking away their pleasure in buying for their expected baby just to gratify her own excitement.
Give her half a chance and she'll be taking over more and more.

well great if she really wants to help then let her buy the nappies and she will of course be glad too!"

And I put my son in Christmas clothes for about 2-3 weeks in December

Why?

All adds to the gaiety of nations greentulips, as my father would have said.

Why?

Why not?

My DM buys ALL of my two children's clothes - she's got their next season wardrobe picked out before I even think about it. Sometimes I feel a little sad I don't get to shop for them - then I remember how much she enjoys it and how much it saves me money for other things - like nice day trips which make memories so much more than what they're wearing. Absolutely buy one or two special things you can put on your baby as "firsts" - like coming home from hospital outfit. But maybe try and not worry about the rest - there will be plenty of lovely things that will be special for you.

Just now getting a moment to read all you kind messages, thank you all.

I'll try to answer any questions...

Family fall out was due to an unrelated issue, actually I back her with that issue, no need to go into all that on here, she was in the right.

I haven't bought anything yet, as I live/work out in the country and don't like to visit town too often, driving I traffic etc, so haven't been into shops to buy things I like yet.

However, today I did have an excuse to go into town for a few hours and bought a few items to get back the excitement! And I was overjoyed to pick out a wee outfit I love!

Anyway, as I was out with a meal with friends, husband texts to say he has a surprise...and he has also had the same thought as me, to buy wee tiny socks, bibs and babygros to make me feel better from my telling him yesterday that I felt MIL was stealing our thunder!
So even though I thought he wasn't listening, he really was, and he knows/understands how I feel! Husband usually does listen to me regarding my feelings in other problems.
Feeling much happier tonight after our purchases, and I think I'll take your advice regarding letting MIL have her clothes/nappies for her house etc.
Thanks again for all your help.

I would have a word with her, and explain you are excited about the baby too and there is only so much stuff a baby needs and can she please let you choose some as you are the parents and you're worried money will be wasted if there is 2 of everything. Tell her you'd like to choose the pram. It's a shame so many people get OTT about babies but aren't so bothered buying stuff when they are teenagers and you could do with more money as the stuff costs more.
Alternatively let her buy it and save your money for when they're old enough to appreciate it.

I understand how you feel. Choose something you definitely want to buy (like babies going home outfits?) and just wear or use them if you prefer them to mother'n'law's. My mother'n'law was great when I was pregnant and gave birth etc but also took lots of liberties and it was a struggle to balance keeping the peace and everyone happy. I get your mother'n'law is excited but she has had her first baby and if there are first baby things that you want to do - do them and don't let other people tell you you should feel guility.