MIL buying first things for baby?

[notsureifimbeingur]

I am 20 weeks pregnant and not sure if it's the hormones kicking in, or if I have a right to be a little annoyed. This might be a bit long, sorry.

Haven't had time to buy much yet for baby due to work, but hope to soon, but MIL has been buying HEAPS of stuff and texts my DH daily with what she has bought that day.
So far she has bought a Christmas top (baby due Nov) baby gros, dummy, can't remember all the rest there's been that much. She is also planning to buy our pram for us.

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful, but I feel that she is taking away the excitement we should be having buying these things for our baby?
If I go to buy things now, I feel like "oh, I can't as MIL already has got us one of those." I feel like I have to ask her for a list of what she has got us, so that I don't buy the same thing twice.

Have spoke to DH to get her to calm it down a bit, and he says she is just excited. To which I tried to explain how I wanted to be the ones to buy the first dummy, first nappies etc. He just looked at me like
I know I don't have to put our baby in the Christmas outfit she has bought, but I know she will make a comment about why I haven't put baby in her top.

AIBU to be upset about this, or is it my hormones?! I just want myself and DH to have a nice time buying our baby things instead of worrying that we will have two of the same things. I want to be excited but she has taken that away.

I think you are being too precious here.

I am due in 7 weeks, my mum has bought most stuff, as she is happy and excited. My MIL hasn't got a thing. I am grateful for the extra help, babies are expensive and anyway you'll still have to buy extra clothes and things as they go through a lot.

Arrrr sweetie, mil is excited to be welcoming her new grandchild. She is possibly equally as excited as you and hubby. Please don't resent her for being overjoyed and uber excited, she could well be a huge asset to you and hubby once life settles down after you baby is born. You might not think she would be as good a babysitter as your own mum, but she raised the man you love so don't disregard her child care experience, even if you only have her abysit once every 6months, there will come a time when you really will appreciate having such an enthusiastic grandmother.

It is over involved as 'nesting' is known to be an enjoyable thing for new mums particularly and of course new paremts want to prepare.
It is a pricey thing though. If she has got loads you could go for a big purchase such as cloth nappies or car seats that she might not think of. So many "helpful" people focus on the clothes and treating the child like a bit of a doll - remember there's lots more dull stuff that you can now afford to spend more!

If you were that excited you would have bought some stuff yourself by now.

Its all free stuff and makes your life easier so who cares?

Make sure you get to choose the pushchair and technical stuff though as that's important that you're happy with it.

Remember, mums mourn the loss of fertility really badly - I feel really sorry for my MIL and mum as they cannot have another child and want to help with ours - they can have at it as far as I'm concerned.

My mum currently spends all her money on cheap tatty clothes from New Look and Next (four bedroom house full of it) so i'll gladly refocus her spending habits onto stuff for the baby that will actually get some wear.

Be kind to her and make the most of the free stuff is what I am saying. You might want to lean on her for babysitting in the next few years.

nope - you are being a sh1tstirrer I think! where does the post say anything about anyone being ostracised? just an excited grandma, nothing to call Jeremy Kyle about.

If you were that excited you would have bought some stuff yourself by now.

At 20 weeks? The chances are you won't be using it for another 20 weeks so whats the point in buying it all now and storing it to the point that you can't return any of it if it doesn't fit/ isn't used? Along with the fact that at 20 weeks, you will only just have found out the sex if you're going to. Many people don't buy stuff until the last trimester.

Never realised it was traditional for grandparents to buy the pram : think we were conned there.

It's quite normal not to have bought stuff by 20 weeks, I didn't as I wanted to get through the 20 week anomaly scan knowing baby was ok, first.

kimmy it says she has had a falling out with family and sees none of her grandkids. You can see why people would assume a huge drama on the MIL part. I'd like to know what happened though, because imnosey.

kimmy she said the Mil doesn't see her other 3 gc's.
Mums mourn the loss of fertility - really ?
A few red flags here - the fact she doesn't see the other gc's.
I am also concerned that you said when you were discussing it with your DH - you shut up, because you thought it might lead to an argument. are you saying he doesn't actually take your concerns seriously ?

Let her be excited.
The "first dummy" etc. can be whichever you choose. But you probably will care less once the real baby is here. No harm in a happy gran enjoying the excitement of getting ready for the baby. I'd be sad if when my DDs grow up they/their partners didn't want me to buy a few outfits for my grandchild.

You may find the baby needs to have lots of clothes, so a few Christmas outfits might just be handy! Plead vomiting to,spare feelings if you really don't want to use something.

Traditional here for grandparents to buy pram and cot. I went pram shopping with my mum and mil, they paid, though the final decision was mine. Obviously if she is insisting in certain things and huffing if you don't agree on a massive silver cross Victorian style pram , or whatever, it's another matter.

I have no idea what outfit DS wore first.
I do remember that he was sick down so many that putting him anything "nice" was a bit ridiculous!

It's hard and I do understand how you are feeling, but I wouldn't say anything just smile and nod and say thank you. You maybe grateful for the extra stuff if your baby ends up being a sicky one.
Does she know how much the pram is going to be? I only ask because my fil offered to buy ours and turned green when I told him no as it was going to be X amount (he's not flush and I knew he wouldn't be able to afford it)
I think you may feel better when you've gone out and bought some stuff yourself perhaps you could suggest a shopping trip together and try and point in the direction of things you like (if you think she will listen!)

Bit late now but Banff a dodie is a dummy. I'm guessing cabbage is a fellow mancunian

I have no idea what outfit DS wore first

But I do remember what my dcs first wore - around 20 years on. The first thing they all wore was an ultra soft pale yellow babygro with moons and stars on it. We don't all have to take the same view about things.

She's probably super excited! My mum went out to the shop the day I told her I was expecting and came back with bibs. She's been buying little bits ever since, and for me, I don't really mind.
My fiancé and I still went out when we found out we're having a boy and bought his "first clothes" together, it was still special and exciting. And there's a TON of things to buy!

I think I'd only be miffed if they bought something specific like "an outfit for xmas day", or a coming home from hospital outfit because it takes that choice away from you.

But on the other hand I've had a lot of grief from my family as my mum feels "left out" (?!). I don't know what she's expecting but I made it clear I didn't want anyone besides my fiancé at the hospital whilst I gave birth, but are welcome to visit afterwards. Ended up taking my mum to the anomaly scan so she could feel "included", it's kinda silly.

Relax OP, it is nice she is doing this, she is showing support

She's excited. It would be a good idea for you to choose the pram though since you'll be using it most- that's what my MIL did.

Things like clothes and dummies etc- just be grateful and think of it as stuff you don't have to buy/spend money on- all the baby stuff really does add up, I'm so thankful my family and ILs bought a lot of the clothes and toys etc as well as being given loads of hand me downs from DHs sisters kids

Those of you telling the op to calm down and saying that she is over-reacting clearly have no experience of an over-bearing MIL who doesn't understand boundaries. If she thinks she can shop like it's for her own child and doesn't check what the op actually would like, she is more than likely to continue to overstep boundaries.

Talking about overexcited MILs, my MIL has purchased bedding for when DS has little friends to come over for a sleepover at her house.

DS is 18 months

stonecircle "...I do remember what my dcs first wore - around 20 years on. The first thing they all wore was an ultra soft pale yellow babygro with moons and stars on it. We don't all have to take the same view about things."

That's so lovely. My dd wore a pin cardigan and pink and white romper suit, and a pink hat, I think I have them all somewhere.

Our son is adopted so no idea what he wore when first born. Well, we have a photo so we can see it an early outfit.

OP you decide what is important to you.

stonecircle is absolutely spot on. A lot of people on here saying just don't use the stuff the MiL has bought but a) it's wasteful b) the OP might not have space to store it all and c) the MiL will start asking why it hasn't been used.

Id let pretty much anyone buy me stuff for the baby. Im fairly sure over 18 years youll be spending more than enough

I think she is somewhat stealing the pleasure of buying from you - although I imagine it is with good intentions. But I think it's a bit insensitive actually - she needs to curb her excitement a little and see how she can be helpful without taking over. She has had her turn and if she was taken over and didn't have her turn - then the cycle needs to stop and she doesn't do the same to you.

If my DDIL were to have a baby I wouldn't dream of taking over like this, helpful is offering to go shopping with DDIL and DS and letting them choose and paying, or giving them vouchers or money or puttingmoney towards a big purchase. the idea being to reduce the financial burden on them without taking away their joy in choosing for their baby. Your MIL may be excited OP, but so are you - presumably more excited as she has had her children.

Obviously a few gifts after the birth and the odd impulse buy are fine, but going OTT is just ridiculous and a bit controlling.

I had a Christmas baby and he shit all over his Santa outfit. Twice. You might appreciate backups ;)

I wouldn't worry about stuff like nappies and dummies. You can use hers and yours. I insisted on buying our travel system because I didn't want MIL or DM having any say in what we bought. It's not that I didn't appreciate the offer, I just wanted to decide for myself without worrying about someone else's budget. I also turned down offers of other "big" items, such as moses basket (we borrowed one from a family member so didn't see the point buying a new one just for the sake of it) But if people want to splash out buying smaller items for your baby because they're excited, I just think the polite thing to do is accept them graciously and be thankful you have people around you who care so much they won't give a shit with baby number 2

Maybe I'm a bit touchy on his topic though as my MIL and all her friends sent me loads of blue items before the baby was born to 'make me have a boy'

Also after DS was born I was sent a Christening gown, and a Christening shawl despite having made it quite clear I was not having the baby Christened.