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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL buying first things for baby?

140 replies

notsureifimbeingur · 26/06/2017 21:53

I am 20 weeks pregnant and not sure if it's the hormones kicking in, or if I have a right to be a little annoyed. This might be a bit long, sorry.

Haven't had time to buy much yet for baby due to work, but hope to soon, but MIL has been buying HEAPS of stuff and texts my DH daily with what she has bought that day.
So far she has bought a Christmas top (baby due Nov) baby gros, dummy, can't remember all the rest there's been that much. She is also planning to buy our pram for us.

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful, but I feel that she is taking away the excitement we should be having buying these things for our baby?
If I go to buy things now, I feel like "oh, I can't as MIL already has got us one of those." I feel like I have to ask her for a list of what she has got us, so that I don't buy the same thing twice.

Have spoke to DH to get her to calm it down a bit, and he says she is just excited. To which I tried to explain how I wanted to be the ones to buy the first dummy, first nappies etc. He just looked at me like Hmm
I know I don't have to put our baby in the Christmas outfit she has bought, but I know she will make a comment about why I haven't put baby in her top.

AIBU to be upset about this, or is it my hormones?! I just want myself and DH to have a nice time buying our baby things instead of worrying that we will have two of the same things. I want to be excited but she has taken that away.

OP posts:
Original poster
notsureifimbeingur · 26/06/2017 22:14

Thank you all, I feel GreenTulips has hit the nail on he head. I do feel sidelined. I have tried to talk to my DH and it very nearly ended in an argument so I stopped. I still need him/MIL to know I'd prefer her to stop buying now, and we are grateful for what she has bought already. But we will get everything from now on.
I think she is letting us choose the pram and she will pay for it, which she had hinted at years before we even fell pregnant.
I

OP posts:
Rinkydinkypink · 26/06/2017 22:17

As for clothes at Christmas. Nobody knows how big baby will be come Christmas so it's a waste of her money. Baby will need many changes of clothes per day and you get to chose what you put your baby in.

Another tip. Tell her your no inundated with things so let's all stop till baby arrives. You of course get to shop in secret as much as you want x

Nanny0gg · 26/06/2017 22:21

It's nice that she's buying but it should be with you - what if you hate it all?

Don't let her buy the pram without you.

Crumbs1 · 26/06/2017 22:23

Don't cut off your nose to spite your face. I really wish our parents had helped with some baby things when we started a family. Be grateful she's pleased and excited. The baby will need plenty of things so it doesn't stop you buying what you want. Share the joy!

NorthernLurker · 26/06/2017 22:24

You want your mil to stop buying stuff for you so you can spend your hard earned money on all the crap stuff babies need?

You can certainly tell this is your first baby!

Take her stuff, buy your own, insist on the pram you like, say thank you, enjoy that your child will have a grandmother who worships the ground they walk on.

fruitbrewhaha · 26/06/2017 22:25

I bought nothing for our first. We were bought so much as presents and good friends of ours gave us all their baby clothes which kept us going for the first couple of years.
Save your money to buy some nice things for yourself.
Seriously, you will have plenty of opportunity to buy stuff for your child.

UnbornMortificado · 26/06/2017 22:26

Is it her first grandchild?

Bit over excited possibly? Mines the same it's her first GC but this is my 5th pregnancy so I'm not really bothered.

YANBU to feel upset though hormones or not.

Congratulations on your pregnancy Flowers

FreeNiki · 26/06/2017 22:26

I bought my first nephew loads and loads, Christmas outfits, rocking horse. I got a delighted and sincere thank you.

You do know it doesn't stop you buying what you want for your own baby right?

ToadsforJustice · 26/06/2017 22:29

Years ago my MIL did the same thing. I smiled and said thanks BUT I still bought what I wanted for MY baby and put most of the stuff MIL bought in a doorstep charity bag.

shinynewusername · 26/06/2017 22:30

Bless you, OP. I get where you are coming from, but please save this thread and look back on it in 20 years when your DC have drained your bank account dry Smile

IloveBanff · 26/06/2017 22:31

Nocabbageinmyeye What are dodies? I've never heard of them.

FreeNiki · 26/06/2017 22:34

put most of the stuff MIL bought in a doorstep charity bag.

That's nasty.

Unless you hate your mils guts why not use it.

Xmasbaby11 · 26/06/2017 22:35

I don't know. There is SO much to buy, I think the excitement will wear off for one of you soon!

I agree you must choose with pram with DH, whether she pays or not.

Babies get through tons of stuff. You'll want more than one Xmas outfit! You'll be dressing baby up every day in Dec!

My inlaws bought us a few cheap baby gros and a load of baby toiletries including baby talc and baby oil which we never used, and 5 bottles of baby shampoo. Baby dd was basically bald for 2-3 years. She is 5 now and we STILL have not had to buy any shampoo! And we have a 3yo too, equally bald!

FavouriteWasteofSlime · 26/06/2017 22:35

Definitely make sure you choose the pram and it isn't something random she's chosen.

Augustbabyyeah · 26/06/2017 22:36

Absolutely rejoice that you have a grandmother in waiting who is so lovely and so generous. If she wasn't interested you'd soon be moaning about that.

MILs can't do right for doing wrong. Just think one day you could be a MIL. They are mothers themselves you know!

Frillyhorseyknickers · 26/06/2017 22:36

It could be worse. My MIL has told me to take the full year mat leave because she isn't looking after it until "it's old enough to be more interesting."

The only thing she has bought is a pony, because she will want to get dressed up and take it showing when it's old enough to ride.

My MIL is a proper cunt.

sureitsgrand · 26/06/2017 22:37

I get you want to do everything your own way and have your firsts together. But it's nice she is taking an interest. My mil shows no interest in our ds, and has bought him practically nothing ever. Which hurts even more. You will look back and see it wasn't that big a deal, she was just excited, but at the time it feels real. Good luck with everything

StealthNinjaMum · 26/06/2017 22:38

Is there a back story here op? Is she generally controlling or selfish? Does she always ignore your wishes?

I would say that if she is generally a lovely, thoughtful, nice, sane person then you are being a bit unreasonable but if she is trying to take control, win a power struggle (that only exists in her mind) or is being competitive then yanbu.

Augustbabyyeah · 26/06/2017 22:38

These MILs were good enough mothers to raise your DHs!

Original poster
notsureifimbeingur · 26/06/2017 22:39

You are all making sense to me, that's the thing! I agree with those that are saying I'll laugh in 20 years time, and that I should not look a gift horse In the mouth. Then I sway over to "but I don't want her to be buying the things I should be buying"
Argh, I don't know what to do.
I don't necessarily want her to stop totally, just to calm down a bit and not buy the whole baby section of every shop she and her friends go into. I get that she is excited too, it is her 4th grandchild, and yes our first, but she doesn't see her other grandkids at all (family falling out.) so she is super excited at getting to do the whole "grandchild" thing again.

I like the idea of telling her we have been getting lots of things, so perhaps we should all stop buying for a while until nearer the birth. And then I can go out and buy in peace! Thanks for all your advice.

OP posts:
jpclarke · 26/06/2017 22:39

I think you need to nip this in the bud, yes grandparents can be excited but they are just that grandparents. You are going to be the parent. If she is obsessing this much already, what will she be like when the baby gets here. Your Dh will think isn't it great all the help she is offering/ giving and soon you will feel you are not allowed to hold your own baby in their company. I know you will want some support but be careful.

MotherOfDragon · 26/06/2017 22:40

Ah I think she's just excited. Let her buy it and anything you don't like or need could be for nannies house Smile I can see how it would grate though

PumbletonWakeshaft · 26/06/2017 22:44

OP I have the same with MIL and SIL buying for DS. I have learned over time to accept that they show their love through buying way too much stuff. I do find it overwhelming though - in contrast my mum brings us bargains she has found in the charity shop for DS!

TBH when DS was born we were so overwhelmed with gifts that we didn't need to buy anything, and looking back we were really lucky as just keeping him in nappies is expensive enough. As he's got older MIL and SIL send us £200 clothing parcels every time he goes up a size. They do the shopping together as a bonding thing - nowadays I just see it as a help and spend our money on essentials like shoes, and baby groups.

NellieFiveBellies · 26/06/2017 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LouHotel · 26/06/2017 22:47

With other posters you need to give your MIL sirection but my god women take whatever she'll buy you.

I got really precious about not wanting anyone to buy my little girl anything to baby pink and princess like. Well we were running low on clean clothes and she went to nursery in a pink tutu number.

Give your MIL some items you dont want her to buy and if she wants to buy the pram send her some names of the one you want.

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