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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

To be angry at dp for booking this holiday?

565 replies

Imengagedtoanidiot · 26/06/2017 20:42

[Message from MNHQ - just noting, this thread was started in July 2017 and has been resurrected FOR NO GOOD REASON - move along now, please there's nothing new to see here...]

So for ages I've been saying I wan to go to Paris I've never been and it's always been somewhere I want to go but money's right ATM.

Anyway I was talking about how much I want to go in front of my mum a few months and turns out she said to dp to book it for us, she'll have the DCs and pay for the trip for my birthday and keep it as a surprise.

I found out this trip was booked last week by accident and was obviously very excited although felt awful that my mum had given dp the money (£500)

I've just had a look at the details and he's booked it leaving on a Saturday afternoon (arriving late Saturday) and returning very early Monday morning. He booked the Monday off work for me and confirmed mum was having the dcs from Friday night and dropping them to childminder Monday (we collect at 6pm)

AIBU to be fuming that he's taken £500 for essentially 1 day?? I've looked and he could have got Friday evening/early Saturday flights and late Monday flight back for the exact same price so it's not a price issue - he said he just 'didn't think'. He's saying I'm so ungrateful and should be thankful for him (he didn't bloody pay for it)

I'm really upset and don't know if I am being ungrateful and a spoilt brat but I'm just pissed off and feel like my dream break and first holiday without dc is a fucking joke.

I've tried changing the flights and even cancelling but the charge is excessive.

OP posts:

Catra · 26/06/2017 22:10

I can't believe some people are being so harsh! I get exactly where you're coming from OP - you have the chance to go somewhere you've been dreaming of for ages so you want to make the very most of it but your time will be limited thanks to your DP not thinking things through properly.

This is the very reason why I organise all the holidays in my house - if something messes up, I've only got myself to blame!

gluteustothemaximus · 26/06/2017 22:10

So it was your mum's idea, not your DP's lovely thought?

So he's accepted money from your mum, of £500, and booked a not very good deal TBH, and OP is meant to be jumping for joy?

I probably could have got you 3 nights away for that price

When money is tight, every penny is precious, and knowing you could have got a much better deal with your mum's money, would upset me too. I totally get your point of view.

Rachel0Greep · 26/06/2017 22:10

YANBU. A bit of research would surely have meant that you could have had an actual weekend there. I love Paris. Your mum is fab to give such a generous present. I would be very p1ssed off with him.

I hope that you can find some way around this.

Maman79 · 26/06/2017 22:10

If I were you I would accidentally lose DH at airport for return flight and stay another week by myself. Find a cheap hpstel to stay in and see the sights at your leisure

OlennasWimple · 26/06/2017 22:11

Maybe flights that would have given you longer in Paris weren't in budget? £500 for two return flights and two nights in a hotel in a capital city in peak holiday time doesn't actually go very far...

pigeondujour · 26/06/2017 22:11

*He's hardly partner of the century

Don't kid your self that you are.*

Jesus. Such unwarranted venom.

OP, I agree with you too. A thoughtful adult would be trying to wring every minute of the weekend out for you. God knows where he gets off telling you to be grateful to him. He's getting the same present as you?!

HSMMaCM · 26/06/2017 22:13

I think it's worth the extra £100. He's effectively managed to make 3 days in Paris into 1 day!

5LiveSportsExtra · 26/06/2017 22:16

I missed the bit about you being thankful for him. has he explained what you should be thankful for?

honeyroar · 26/06/2017 22:17

Id be pretty unimpressed with him too. He basically took your mum's present and fucked it up! He's a muppet.

Can't you compromise - extend your ticket, not his? It would be very tempting. Won't use as much money as changing both!!

As for those saying Paris is like London, don't listen to them, it's lovely (as is London), I used to live there, it's very special. Perhaps book a Paris by night tour on the first night (if you get there early enough!) so you see all the highlights (literally highlighted!), then pick what you most want to see in more depth the next day.

RhubardGin · 26/06/2017 22:19

I agree that he should have had more common sense when booking the weekend.

I don't agree with how derogatory you are about your partner. Calling him an idiot. Essentially thinking he is a money grabber for taking cash off your mum. How do you know he wasn't thankful and promised to pay her back?

I don't think you should be getting married. We all make mistakes and dont use common sense from time to time. But the majority of us don't jump online to slag our partners off.

I bet he would be really hurt if he read this.

fruitbrewhaha · 26/06/2017 22:20

I'm with you OP, I'd be pissed off.
I book all our holidays, and do loads of research into working out where to go and will discount a city if the flights don't give us the friday afternoon and monday until after lunch at our destination.

He's been a knob.

magicstar1 · 26/06/2017 22:21

You're right OP ... He's pissed your mother's money up the wall. Would he be so careless if it was his own money?
If it's £100 per flight to change, how much are new flights? You might be able to get cheap flights and get the tax back on the cancelled ones.
Either that, or let him fly back Sunday and stay on an extra day on your own.

PookieDo · 26/06/2017 22:21

I would be annoyed as well. I don't go away often - ever. So it's so special to me and expensive I would be upset.
On this exact note I spent about 3 weeks determinedly sorting out a maximising mini break weekend with military precision babysitting/flights to ensure I was getting my money's worth and an actual entire weekend away. Otherwise I wouldn't bother and just go to a UK city.

YANBU

TattyCat · 26/06/2017 22:21

please don't be harsh on him - he probably isn't used to booking last minute city breaks and may not have found the best deal. It's not a crime.

Paris is lovely. So is Rome. I managed to 'do' most of Rome in one day, in my youth. It was hard, tiring, and long, but I have a fantastic memory of rushing around to see almost everything. We missed the 'wedding cake', but that's about it. Arrived 5.30am by train from Milan and left around 10pm back to Milan.

You might arrive in Paris and decide you don't like it... maybe. And actually, £500 isn't that much to cover 2 weekend nights in Paris, plus flights, food etc., it really isn't.

Reserve your judgement until you return.

Sprinklestar · 26/06/2017 22:22

I'd be angry if I were you, OP, more on behalf of your mum than anything else. She's trusted your partner to get the best deal with £500 and it sounds like he's really messed up. It is tantamount to a day trip, when with adequate planning you could have had Friday evening, all of Saturday and most of Sunday. What an absolute waste! I'd be tempted to ask him to repay your mum and rebook a proper weekend away (without him?!). It's hardly going to be relaxing now, is it? Just a rush and lots of fuss and trouble for a Sunday, of all days!

If my partner had done this, I'd be so disappointed in his lack of respect for my DM's feelings and I'd be worried about the state of our relationship. If he couldn't book decent a weekend away, with all funds provided and childcare organized, I'd be thinking that he wasn't the one for me. Yes, it's Paris. But it could have been longer in Paris all for the want of a little forethought. Galling by anyone's standards.

Chloe84 · 26/06/2017 22:22

trying to work out if these woman are jealous or spend a week worshiping at their partners feet because he put a dish in the sink

Too right, OP. Good to see you're not upset by the idiots on this thread.

Weebitty · 26/06/2017 22:25

Wow he's been a total idiot and I totally get why you are annoyed. He's essentially robbed you of 50 % of the break that your lovely mum has paid for. He's an arse

PookieDo · 26/06/2017 22:26

£500 and flights is average for a 3-4 star hotel in a city surely? Even Edinburgh

DP and I are not flush so we spent more on getting the good flight times and then chose a slightly less glam hotel to maximise the stay and money - but some people prefer to spend the money on the hotel. I could have flown at unsuitable times of the day for £16 or something but my flights were £100 return (Amsterdam) simply because they were exactly what I need. Everyone prioritises different aspects of holidays

HillaryWinshaw · 26/06/2017 22:30

I'm with you OP. Who books a weekend away and doesn't arrive until Saturday evening? Even if you could stretch to an additional night in a hotel, you could get the red-eye flight on Saturday morning. What a buffoon. Unreasonable or not, is be as irritated as you.

YoureNotASausage · 26/06/2017 22:30

God how disappointing! I'd just be so disappointed that he's not taken advantage of the lovely gift from your mum if money and babysitting, and that he didn't care enough about the trip to get the most out of it both for you and himself.

Sounds like he just ticked the box.

fannydaggerz · 26/06/2017 22:31

I would be a bit disappointed too because you are there for the one day.

It is a lovely gesture though.

monkeywithacowface · 26/06/2017 22:31

I'm totally with you OP. Am quite shocked at some of the responses here. It was a lovely gesture from your mum, which he gets the benefit of and he couldn't be arsed to make sure you got the most for your money.

TattyCat · 26/06/2017 22:35

Ok, so everyone slating the Op's DP - see if you can book a decent weekend in Paris this weekend, for £500. Let's have a look then...

I think it's hard to find something last minute, that doesn't look cheap. He may have wanted to avoid looking as though it was a last minute cheap deal and decided to go for quality over quantity.

Life's too short to worry and if Paris is that great then they can plan a week/end there together and decide what's worth re-visiting.

Op - stop being so ungrateful and make the most of the time you have here instead of thinking you could have done it better (because that's really quite shit if your DP thinks he's done a good job for you, rightly or wrongly).

TattyCat · 26/06/2017 22:39

And if it really isn't good enough for you Op, then I think you should leave him so he can find someone who will go with the flow and not get antsy that something isn't 'perfect'. Your mum presumably 'contributed' rather than 'paid for' this weekend? £500 doesn't go far for an entire weekend in Paris I'm afraid. It really doesn't. And that's just on food and entertainment.

Kidssendingmenuts · 26/06/2017 22:41

You sound like an ungrateful cow to be honest! I'd leave you at the airport and bugger off on my own.

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