Would you leave pretty bratty 14 yr old girl alone regularly with decent-looking young male piano teacher with no visible mention of partner?

[Evelight]

Well would you? Or is my mind screwed up by Nabakov and The Police etc etc during my impressionable years?

The OP may have been phrased oddly, however being on the other side of the fence, if you are a tutor then you are very vulnerable to accusations. When I have tutored, I have preferred parents to be around, leave the door open of the room etc. My husband takes on adult learners rather than get into stress about what is and isn't acceptable chaperoning for different age groups.

Tutors are unregulated as a group, and are often left alone with students, there is the potential for misunderstanding, accusations or actual abuse. It might not be frequent but the mocking on this thread suggests it is some kind of laughable impossibility, which judging by the amount of sexual abuse being exposed in teen sports and other areas at the moment is just not the case.

No. Because it wouldnt be fair on the piano teacher.

this

absolutely and completely no, the teacher would have no protection what so ever.

The fact that the teacher is prepared to put themselves in that situation indicates they are inadequately trained, very inexperienced and/or desperate for money.

The situation should not arise

Foureyesarebetterthantwo I agree entirely. However the OP did not come across as a serious poster.

Fiction and song lyrics are not necessarily a good basis for judging the character of real human beings.

You must be aware that this sort of thing happens in real life. There have been some well-publicised cases.

This place is bloody hard work sometimes.

have i missed any one saying OP are you on fucking glue???

I was actually about to query this myself.

usernamenonumber it isn't hard work if the OP doesn't post a goofy post and rather phrases a serious and contentious issue as a serious issue.

It's funny the OP mentions The Police, Jean Brodie etc as having helped raise the spectre of sexual abuse in her mind. Because there are far more recent real life examples: all the boarding schools where sexual abuse was rife (including the music school Chetham's); the Catholic Church cases of priests abusing children; the more recent C of E cases; the Rotherham and Rochdale grooming gangs; the 15-year old girl whose teacher went to jail after they eloped to France together. And so on.

So, always worth being alert to the possibility, in my view. But if he's a qualified piano teacher with the appropriate checks etc I would assume he's probably OK. It would be quite a risk for him to start abusing students.

Emmageddon Legitimate concerns? What is legitimate about it? That he is !GASPS! a man?

Evening all,

We've (inevitably!) had a few reports about this thread, so we've been taking a look behind the scenes.

We can see that the OP's been around for years and everything checks out at this end, so we're assuming this is a genuine ask, for now at least.

OP, please don't prove us wrong!

Some background may help here. Are you a concerned tutor? If so, insist a parent stays. If you're a concerned parent, stay at least for the first few lessons until you, the brat and the tutor feel comfortable.

Or is this something historic and you were the 14 year old?

Wistfully remembering when that Police song came out and, as a just about teen, wishing that Sting was my teacher

To be fair to the OP though if these are piano lessons at a house on their own I wouldn't be happy with this. Generally speaking teachers usually need to be around another adult to safeguard everyone (including themselves). I usually would only leave my children with adults I know and trust. Having a partner, being male and female doesn't make a difference to me.

This is without a doubt one of the most ridiculous MN threads that I have ever read.

You must be aware that this sort of thing happens in real life. There have been some well-publicised cases.

Yes. But the OP didn't say that, did she? She was going on about Police songs and Miss Jean Brodie, and suggesting it was the cultural influences of those things which might be making her imagination work over-tme wrt the piano teacher. I was suggesting that this wasn't a very good basis for judgement.

As it goes, the well-publicised cases aren't a great basis for assumptions either, statistically speaking. The vast, vast majority of teachers and tutors are just doing their jobs, not seducing undersge girls. But hey, if the OP wants to discriminate against this poor guy just because he's young and not ugly, then she can sack him. Because older, uglier tutors are guaranteed not to be paedophiles, obvs.

Most teachers, even if freelance, get themselves DBS certificates as a matter of course now Maybe you should have asked him this at the beginning if this is a concern for you. You could ask him now, if it reassures you.

Oops, didn't see mumsnet post,

For my money if you're worried about your child being abused, your first thought is for your child, not your family will blame you. secondly no one describes their own child like this in this scenario. Thirdly there would be concern for the daughters welfare. There is none here.

Sorry mumsnet,

So you're worried that SHE may be flirtatious towards HIM, rather than vice versa, thereby putting him in an awkward position?

If you think it's likely, then it probably is kind to spare him. But what is it about your DD (presumably?) that makes you think this way? Does she have form for any kind of inappropriate behaviour? What does "bratty" mean? Does a bratty young teen even WANT piano lessons?

Can you explain a bit more?

I haven't even got past the first page, that is some seriously backward thinking. If I'm not mistaken didn't "the police" sing about a young girl chasing after him and him resisting her? What a weird thread..

I think people are being a little harsh. I was a pretty brat at 14 and would've flirted my arse off if left alone with a young, decent looking guy teaching me piano.

I'd probably have worn increasingly revealing tops and given him 'the eyes' and would've meant it. As it happens plenty of younger men over the age of consent are interested in 14 year old flirts who skimp on clothing. I can say this from experience.

I think it's a bit naive to think otherwise?

Yes I think that her point @QuackPorridgeBacon

I grew up in the 90s too and I remember being 14 and hanging around the gym obsessively when the young "hot" basketball coach was in. He was married with a few young kids.

He got a student pregnant eventually, the bastard. I think he's still married and that was 20 years ago or so. Probably still teaching too.

He was obviously a complete perv. We had another teacher who was young and gorgeous and he was not a perv. Always sure to keep his door open, always moved the conversation out into the hallway when young girls dropped by for "help" with their work, always made it clear that he was a teacher and not a friend. He was smart. And a normal decent person, not someone who would take advantage of a young girl who thought she knew what she was doing but didn't.

Not sure what you mean by bratty.

NotACleevName have you not read the ridiculously hilarious thread where the OP's partner gets so angry he comes all over her thesis!?

Maman is this the same OP?! My, that was a read..

This is a joke? Right?

I think the responses are harsh.

I'll repeat myself. Marilyn Hawes from Enough Abuse, who dedicates her life to raising awareness to parents and children on issues around abuse, advises extreme caution when employing any freelance tutors or teachers.