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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding invite/ begging poem.

294 replies

Rriot · 26/06/2017 10:08

We have been invited to a wedding. Evening invite only.

The invitation included a tacky poem asking for cash gifts. (Guests invited to the whole day didn't get a begging letter poem Hmm)

The bottom line is, we can't really afford to give cash. Generally I'd put my feelings about this type of request aside and give what was asked for but I think the very small amount we can afford to give will look mean.

My alternatives are to give a cheap but nice gift, or donate to the charity that I know is close to the family's heart. I don't want to give a wrapped present if we will be the only ones who do so, not sure how they will feel about a donation to charity.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Richie · 27/06/2017 17:55

How about - a card, and tuck in a lottery ticket for the same date. Get a ticket for yourselves too, with EXACTLY the same numbers, so that if THEY win big, so do you!
That'll cost you max £5 if it's on a Euromillions day, but if it's a Saturday, even better, only £4....

Otherwise, if it makes you feel better, I'd just donate to their chosen charity.

However, I'm also in the newnoo camp too, just thought I'd offer some alternatives if you really feel you must accept the invite....

Good luck

cherrybath · 27/06/2017 17:58

I agree with others aren't being unreasonable, an evening invitation is not much cop anyway and costs them nothing so decline the invitation....
(I think that asking for money is awful. Really awful. However they do it.)

AyUpMiDuck · 27/06/2017 17:58

it sounds too stressful. Give a card and write in it that you have donated to charity and they wont need to know how little you can afford. If you can make it rhyme, all the better.

Dollymouse · 27/06/2017 18:08

Life is too bloody shirt to attend something that is stressing you out.

I would say. We'd love to but we're promised somewhere else that evening.

2ndstreet · 27/06/2017 18:10

I have just got married and everyone was invited to both ceremony & reception- tho a lot of people only came to the reception. Not everyone gave a gift regardless of which bit they went to, some brought a bottle of wine some put cash in a card some nothing at all. Personally I was touched by every gift homemade through to very generous money gifts. I thought my aunt & uncle were mean for not even putting a fiver in their card but would have been chuffed if they had. If I was you I'd put £5 in a card which I'd probably make myself to make it both cheaper and more special!

Nettletheelf · 27/06/2017 18:14

We've had an evening invitation with a 'give us your cash' poem included. I was pretty surprised. I can't bear those twee poems anyway, but to send one to evening guests, who really are making up the numbers, feels a bit off.

I'd reproduce it for your amusement, but I'm worried about outing the happy couple. It doesn't identify them by name, but I can't find it on any of the 'choose your tacky money grabbing poem here' websites. So I think it might be their own work. It doesn't scan and rhymes 'sky so blue' with 'thanks to you'.

I saw a cracking response on here a while ago. I'd love to RSVP with it:

"Thanks for your verse
(with your eyes on my purse)"

Sadly, my husband refuses to entertain the idea. They will be getting a bottle of wine.

Still go, OP, if you think you will enjoy it.

Re this thing about giving the equivalent of the cost of the day: bollocks to that. If you can't afford a lavish wedding, don't have one. Don't expect your guests to subsidise it.

rollonthesummer · 27/06/2017 18:18

The invitation included a tacky poem asking for cash gifts. (Guests invited to the whole day didn't get a begging letter poem hmm)

Missing the point here, but what did the 'whole day' guests get instead of a cash request poem?

plaintomatopasta · 27/06/2017 18:27

We didn't have a gift list for our wedding because we are already living in our house and have all the things we need. Instead we said our guests could donate to our honeymoon fund IF they wanted to give a gift and had envelopes in the day invites with just our name on so people could post them in the box without knowing who was who unless they wanted to write in it. We clearly stated though that we don't need anything at all except them to attend because a wedding is expensive for everyone involved anyway!

Evening guests were not asked for anything except their presence because we felt bad enough they couldn't come to the whole day due to limited numbers and a large family.

Some people, like my brother, didn't even get us a card and we didn't mind at all. They sound a bit grabby asking for money!

feelingsickaboutit · 27/06/2017 18:29

A card and a scratch card/ lottery ticket if you really can't afford to give any money. If they win anything it's a win win thing. They obviously don't want another tacky photo frame or cheap wine. Don't buy anything if they specifically requested cash only.

Holly12345 · 27/06/2017 18:34

Do a del boy and swap your card when u get there!! I hate it when people who have the money to spend on a wedding beg from others , when was this started why should u have to pay to be invited , i just wouldnt go , gosh how much do they bloody want , i would be grateful for whatever i got and would deffo not ask for it from guests!!! If u think about how many people will be going £10 each is still enough !!and there will be many people who pay more , dw about it u would not look mean at all!! They should be more thoughful ! Homeless people arent even allowed to beg for money!!

avamiah · 27/06/2017 18:34

I wouldn't even go to be honest .
I think it's very rude to ask for cash, in fact I've never heard of it before not at a evening do anyway.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 27/06/2017 18:37

Repulsive? Really?

It wasn't me who said that but yep, I agree it's repulsive.

user1494935220 · 27/06/2017 18:38

Buy them a nice bottle of wine - no one can tell how much it costs and it's always appreciated. We got things like glasses and picture frames which can be as inexpensive as you like

user1494935220 · 27/06/2017 18:40

It's standard to ask for cash or vouchers nowadays- most people live together anyway and have everything

niccyb · 27/06/2017 18:57

Most weddings I have been to ask for cash and use a poem. I did he same at mine along the lines of the fact that was also 'optional' however I have never seen this extended to guests invited to the evening service only.

user1495656648 · 27/06/2017 18:58

no disrepect but if you cant afford a gift how can you afford to go? just make your excuses and save your money. if they cant be bothered to give you the invitation personally or go to the effort of putting a stamp on it i doubt they will remember they invited you in the first place to be honest so anything you give will be a bonus!

NoPressureNoDiamonds · 27/06/2017 18:58

It sounds like you don't like them very much so why not just not go. If someone felt like that about me I'd rather they weren't at my wedding.

whichwayupdoesitgo · 27/06/2017 19:01

Yeeesh. Just don't go! If you don't like the way you were invited, you think they're pains in the arses and you can't afford a gift, save yourself the hassle and settle down to a night in front of the telly instead. Or do you just want to go so you can have a good gossip afterwards.... if that's the case you'll have to stump up some cash.

rubyandbumpsmum · 27/06/2017 19:03

We got married in December, alot of the evening guests just put £10 in a card. One person put £100 in and I was horrified I said to my hubby we should give it back lol I felt awful!!

Missolford33 · 27/06/2017 19:05

Isn't this the wrong way around? I would have thought it's the all day guests asked for the gift and not the reception guests.

I will also be one of them that asks for cash but it won't be give us cash for a honeymoon, new house etc it will be more like drop us a tenner so we can buy a drink when we're away. Cheers!

ToffeeCake1 · 27/06/2017 19:08

Give them a card, put £10 unit, leave it anonymous

caringcarer · 27/06/2017 19:13

One of my favorite wedding presents was two little soft bunnies about 6 inches high, tied together by a ribbon wearing top hat and wedding veil. They are by our bed and we sometimes change their positions. Wink

catsaresomucheasier2 · 27/06/2017 19:18

Card and a £10 bottle of nice wine. I think that's fair. Xx

Kiki06 · 27/06/2017 19:19

A very close friend that I had known for 10 years, college university etc got married with her ex-sister-in-law as chief bridesmaid and another 'friend' that she was very unkind about, though she had known her longer, attending the whole day while I got an evening invite!! Delivered in a very thick envelope because of all the demands that it contained, including a wedding list and a request for money to contribute to her 'honeymoon at the Ice hotel!!!! And that was the end of that toxic relationship!

TBH the poem only states that IF you wish to give a gift! IMO you are getting yourself uptight for nothing and anything you give, if at all, will not be the focus of their day! They may have also given a blanket invitation for day and evening guests and wouldn't necessarily expect anything from the evening guests! Make your contribution by throwing yourself around the dance floor to the Abba Medley and wishing the couple the best for the future, - maybe in poem form😜