Wedding invite/ begging poem.

[Rriot]

We have been invited to a wedding. Evening invite only.

The invitation included a tacky poem asking for cash gifts. (Guests invited to the whole day didn't get a begging letter poem )

The bottom line is, we can't really afford to give cash. Generally I'd put my feelings about this type of request aside and give what was asked for but I think the very small amount we can afford to give will look mean.

My alternatives are to give a cheap but nice gift, or donate to the charity that I know is close to the family's heart. I don't want to give a wrapped present if we will be the only ones who do so, not sure how they will feel about a donation to charity.

WWYD?

I went to a wedding last yr which was cash instead of a gift - I don't see what the big deal is?
Just stick a fiver or a tenner in a card that's perfectly acceptable!

So far you've declined every single suggestion so why are you asking us? I'd offer a suggestion but there isn't anything left!

*It's repulsive to ask for money as a wedding gift

Best of all, don't ask for any gift, in other words don't mention gifts with the invitation. Let the guest bring up the subject so they feel they're making a generous offer, not just following your expectation. Yes, it's a bit more admin at a busy time, but worth it in order for people to feel you're inviting them for their company, without any mention of money or gifts.

How is it worse than giving people a gift list, a registry from, say John Lewis?

Again, don't put a list in with the invitation, for the same reasons as above.

If I could only afford (for example) £5, I would rather spend it on something from a list. I'd feel embarrassed giving the couple a £5 note as their gift, it would highlight how small it was.

I personally don't like cash requests and find them a bit vulgar, but I can see why the B&G might go there, especially if they have lived together etc. It seems you upset somebody whatever you do. DH and I had a very high income (and no DC) when we married not like now and it felt wrong to ask for anything. We asked guests to just bring themselves and rather than gifts to make a donation to the cancer hospital where DH works if they wanted to. We thought nobody would complain, but several rellies still grumbled over the lack of a gift list and one was overheard saying our request was"pretentious" and boasting that she had given nothing. Lovely.

It is pretty standard these days request money or say no BOXED gifts please, I don't see the problem with it, or certain peoples attitudes towards it - and the back handed digs at people over it just show mean spirit

The question of wedding gifts is often brought up by family well in advance.

Honestly if folk aren't there to wish the bride and groom all happiness , then you shouldn't even be attending the wedding.

It seems to me that some people have real issue with not wanting to give cash as a present of the B&G choice, and will do the direct opposite as a passive aggressive dig.

Come on, this is a friend or families best day of their lives, why the bloody bitterness towards them because of a bloody tenner - when they clearly consider you a friend to even invite you?

It is not better to give an unwanted £5 picture frame, than give the £5 note itself - as the picture frame is going to end up in the bin..

Many years ago I was invited single only to a friends wedding,I was going through a time of self evaluation deciding that I wanted quality friendships which would be of a small number over having lots of friends this was long before Facebook.

I decided not to go because my main pleasure was that I was invited and others weren't I had the wrong attitude and so didn't go,evaluate the situation internally and then make your move or not.

best of luck with your choice.

The couple haven't demanded money...just said that's what they'd prefer if you wanted to get them a gift.

I think people who get het up about this stuff are being very silly. The couple asked for what they wanted (which is cash) how is that different to asking for material goods via a wedding list? I really don't see the difference.

At Chinese weddings you're expected to at least cover the cost of your meal. There are people at the entrance of the reception collecting the cards and they mark how much everyone has given on a list.

We went (last year) to the evening only part of a wedding of some friends - not what I'd call very close friends, just local couple that we've known for a few years, usually see them in the village pub at the weekend. They included money poem in the evening invites, so we put £50 in a card. I also was asked to do some food for the buffet, which I did at my expense. We never had so much as an acknowledgement, let alone a thank you. Wish I'd done a tenner now.

Sorry wasn't finished - OP Iwpild just do a card honestly you don't have to do the cash thing for an evening invite.

'A friend of mine did a hideous downloaded poem asking for money for her Florida honeymoon (3rd marriage) and I bought her a guidebook 😄'

FFS, she had a production for her 3rd marriage?! Who does this besides someone beyond tacky? And then touts for cash for a honeymoon? Good grief!

'At Chinese weddings you're expected to at least cover the cost of your meal. There are people at the entrance of the reception collecting the cards and they mark how much everyone has given on a list.'

Well, that's there.

Evening do's are wank as it is, but touting for cash in an evening do invitation is crass.

Just drafting my 50th birthday invitation and looking for pointers. I thought this:

"You are invited to OKHun's 50th birthday party"

"I don't trust your taste so could you please send cash as a birthday present? I'm mentioning it now because I'd hate you to think turning up empty handed is OK! Any amount is OK as I don't want to seem grabby!! (Insert exclamation marks here or emojis to soften the message). I include a birthday list for those of you too tight to reveal your cash spend. Please do not deviate from my birthday list if you're not giving cash".

Possibly the above as a jaunty rhyme?

The couple asked for what they wanted (which is cash) how is that different to asking for material goods via a wedding list?

It isn't different; to me, putting in a "gift list" would be just as bad. Surely the key is to wait to be asked rather than getting in first with requests?

And before anyone says "but that will mean 127 people calling to ask" ... sorry, but this is nonsense. It's well known that most folk will give cash anyway, especially if nothing else has been mentioned; granted a few might call, but isn't it better to deal with just those few than demonstrate your grabbiness right at the start?

puzzle I agree with you, it's the asking up front that I don't like, whether it's asking for cash or including a wedding list in with the invitation. bad manners.

puzzled

That's not well known among my friends tbh. I did put gift list info in the insert card and I still had quite a few people contact me to ask if I had a list. The majority of things on the list were £10-£20 because we really didn't want anyone spending a lot but in the end everyone bought us several things from it and it ran out and people moaned.

People then got in touch and said nothing left on list what do you want, we said nothing just come along. These people got us gifts in the end (no toasters!) but none of them gave cash.

In my opinion, in this day and age when it's accepted all round that some guests will get gifts, make life easy for them. I don't like this whole dancing around pretending like no one will buy a wedding gift and prolonging things by an artificial process of making people ask you and then you tell them exactly what you've planned to ask for because you were expecting them to ask.

If you're not expecting people to buy you presents then you wouldn't have a gift list to tell people about when they asked.

But that's just my opinion. I don't bother getting too upset about what other people do with their weddings, unless it's outrageous and I don't think a poem asking for cash, while not my preference, is anything to get upset about generally, though here it being an evening invitation and not sent to the day guests I do think is a bit much.

I didn't realise giving wedding gifts, cash or otherwise, was a thing. Any wedding i've been to (granted i was 12 or so at most) we never took gifts and there were no gift tables or anything like that, and these were family members weddings.
Whenever i've envisaged my own wedding i've never thought about people bringing gifts etc, it costs people enough just to get there and surely its about spending the day with you? If i needed money etc i would have had a smaller wedding or postponed it, not expected guests to chip in.

I know someone who genuinely didn't want gifts, so said so. Married in their 30s, well established in lucrative careers, etc.

Family weren't happy with that (older generation) so discreetly asked her parents, who said how about vouchers for a particular shop. Which would have been fine if the B&G liked that shop or indeed had one anywhere near them...

You don't have to give them anything
We asked for money to help us buy furniture etc and got a fair amount (one of DH's uncles is loaded so most was from him and his wife) but we didnt expect anything. And we didnt care if people didnt get us money or even a card. We just wanted friends and family there.
If you can afford only £10 and that's what you want to do then do so and don't feel bad. Why should you struggle to give them more when you know you can't do so? And if it causes problems then that's their problem not yours. Just shows how selfish they are

When I was getting married, so many people asked me for the present list, which I abhor! To me, a gift is a gift, no-one should feel they 'HAVE' to give anything, its daft! Of course its nice to show a little token on a couples wedding day, but I would have been mortified if any of my guests had felt pushed to spend a certain amount, surely that takes the specialness away.
Even if my guest gave me 50p and half a curly whirly, it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest, as a wedding is about two people in love being over the moon to be getting married, not looking down their noses at those who can't 'afford' to give the norm!
Ignore their request, as thats all it was, a request, not an order, give a wrapped simple gift you can afford, and and be safe in the knowledge that even if you only spent a quid, its the thought that counts!!!! xxxxx

If anyone had given me and DH a box of Curly Wurlies for our wedding I think we'd have kissed them!

Was the poem....

We are getting married,
we fell in love in a flash!
But if you don't want to be lynched then please
do give us all your cash!
We don't want your stingy fiver,
and a tenners not enough!
We'd rather take a Fifty,
but, if you're broke, then tough!!!
Sell some of your belongings,
or take out a second mortgage on your home!
We want notes aplenty,
and if we don't em then, we'll moan!
So make sure we get no wrapped up tat,
No coffee machines, or we'll pout!
Because getting lots and lots of money these days,
is what getting married is all about!! ;-)

I know right!! Who doesn't love a Curly Whirly eh @MrsHathaway! xxx

Carriecakes80 hahahaha

I have had 3 "requests" for money for weddings this year and it really pisses me off. We gave my niece £100 and didn't get a thank you. The next niece sent a rhyme asking for money to make their honeymoon fine! I wouldn't care but they don't need the money. The couple in August have asked for money (again in a verse) I think it's tacky. My sister says if she's asked for money she gives a bottle of champagne and I think that's what I'll do.

If you're not expecting people to buy you presents then you wouldn't have a gift list to tell people about when they asked.

Having a gift list doesn't imply that you expect gifts, it's there in case someone asks but it isn't an expectation.