AIBU?
Wedding invite/ begging poem.
Rriot · 26/06/2017 10:08
We have been invited to a wedding. Evening invite only.
The invitation included a tacky poem asking for cash gifts. (Guests invited to the whole day didn't get a begging letter poem 
)
The bottom line is, we can't really afford to give cash. Generally I'd put my feelings about this type of request aside and give what was asked for but I think the very small amount we can afford to give will look mean.
My alternatives are to give a cheap but nice gift, or donate to the charity that I know is close to the family's heart. I don't want to give a wrapped present if we will be the only ones who do so, not sure how they will feel about a donation to charity.
WWYD?
Rriot · 26/06/2017 10:20
Not really hilbil, that's more than we have to spend on ourselves for things we need at the moment and I do think £5-£10 cash will look mean. The only way I could give more is to give them a cash gift but decline our invitation.
They are the type of family who cry you down and make things up if anything isn't suiting them. I know that says more about them than it does me but I could do without the drama/ feeling embarrassed.
I figured I could get something special for very little money or that they couldnt really argue about any charity donation given that they bleat about how important it is constantly.
AvoidingCallenetics · 26/06/2017 10:28
I don't understand why you are going to this. If you are struggling for money, an evening invitation is going to cost you - doubt the bar will be free if they are hitting you up for money.
Look, they are basically treating you like a cash cow. It's very rude to request money from guests, esp evening only guests, who should just be taking a token present imo.
StripySocks1 · 26/06/2017 10:32
I would give a £10 bottle of prosecco as it's not going to clutter up their home if their poem is the 'we have everything we need' type. Then if they had the cheek to complain about it (which I highly doubt anyone would) it would only reflect poorly on them.
Spam88 · 26/06/2017 10:35
Asking for gifts from evening guests isn't really the done thing is it 🙈 it's a shame they've made you feel the way you do, it shouldn't matter whether you take a gift or not. I think a little token gift is fine though, we had things like photo frames and key rings from some of our evening guests.
Tinnie88 · 26/06/2017 10:37
Just give a card and a bottle of fizz (£6 Sainsbury's own would be fine!) we got married last year and although we didn't specify any gifts would have hated to think one of our guests was in this dilemma. We have guests (day & evening) who just gave cards and this was fine! A bottle of fizz stops you going completely empty handed, doesn't cost a lot and will definitely get used (much more useful than 50 Mr/Mrs mugs/signs etc)
The only guests we were a bit 🙄 At is a very well off couple who always brag about money. We gave £65 to the year before at their wedding as we felt we had to given they were so well off and money has a lesser value to them. They gave us £20...a month late. The forgetting of the card was what got me. And even then I just put it down to their circumstances which could have changed and not because they are intentionally mean.
Morphene · 26/06/2017 10:39
Rriot you need to take a step back and a deep breath and decide if YOU want to attend.
If the answer is no then don't go. There is only one way to deal with people who bully you socially to the point you feel compelled to attend things and give gifts you can't afford - and that is to stand up to them.
I spent several years of my life being torn up between two people who both behaved in this way, to the point that I had no opinions of my own about what I actually liked to do in my spare time. It was shit and it was painful to get out of, but totally worth it.
BarbaraofSeville · 26/06/2017 10:42
If you want to go, go with nothing or a bottle of fizz to your budget - you can get cava or prosecco from £5/6 up in any supermarket that is perfectly lovely. Don't bother with photo frames, glasses etc, most people don't want or need them.
If you don't want to go, just don't go. No need for any angst or drama.
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