Wedding invite/ begging poem.

[Rriot]

We have been invited to a wedding. Evening invite only.

The invitation included a tacky poem asking for cash gifts. (Guests invited to the whole day didn't get a begging letter poem )

The bottom line is, we can't really afford to give cash. Generally I'd put my feelings about this type of request aside and give what was asked for but I think the very small amount we can afford to give will look mean.

My alternatives are to give a cheap but nice gift, or donate to the charity that I know is close to the family's heart. I don't want to give a wrapped present if we will be the only ones who do so, not sure how they will feel about a donation to charity.

WWYD?

How well do you know the couple???

If it's well then maybe a gift like this and it needn't cost a fortune

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.thesun.co.uk/living/1742137/do-not-open-until-your-first-disagreement-couple-waits-nine-years-to-unwrap-a-wedding-gift-from-the-brides-aunt/amp/

I think buying wedding gifts is more difficukt than ever now as most couples have already set up a home and have all they need to live in it comfortably. So, asking for and giving money does make it easier for guests but surely boring for the B&G. I think even if they ask for cash only they would be pleased to have a few gifts to open just for the surprise factor! A bottle of bubbly goes down well but doesnt last long. A fridge magnet, coaster, keyring are all things that are used/seen regularly and are a reminder of the day and the friend who gave them.
I love gifts like can openers and bottle openers, the stuff you just dont buy for yourself no matter how rubbish your own are!

Ring them. Explain you've received the poem, but you cant afford to give them a cash gift right now. Ask her if you should still come? ( put them on the spot). If she says "God no, we just want you to be part of our day..dont worry about a gift"... You can go to wedding knowing the issue is sorted. If they sau "well.....you know it DOES cost to have people at the evening do....." you know you are being invited to be a cash cow. You can confidently and cheerfully say( having practiced before hand)
" I understand completely...well, in that case we will not be attending, hope you have a lovely day...cant wait to catch up with you after the honeymoon to see the pics" then dont bother getting in touch unless they do.
TBH even the nicest of people go a bit bonkers planning a wedding! Go...or dont go..but just move on
It could be momentary msrriage madness and it isnt worth loosing a good friend over...but an excellent opportunity to cut ties with a bad friendship.

How about a bottle of wine and get a gold marker and write their names and the wedding date on the bottle, if you're artistic draw some bells and make it look pretty. Then it's a personal gift and not too expensive.

Please, please, grow a fucking spine and don't go. I got a court summons once. I had to go. And it fucked me off. So the fuck I'll go to some grabby arse evening do. And no, you don't have to go. You have to go to court if summoned, you have to go with the police if they arrest you. Learn the difference.

As for 'Waaaa! I don't want 20 toasters!' Then don't ask for any gifts at all. You have all you need, so it goes to follow you don't need other people's money.

'But to all of you judging because they've asked for cash, disgusting!'

But nothing disgusting in assuming people you invite are all so stupid they'll all get you 'stuff you don't want'? Grow up.

Thanks everyone. DP thinks its best to give a bottle of fizz, I think I can stretch to that and a small donation to their charity.

I find there's a bit of a stigma attached to being seen as skint/ stingy and i know this family well, they would not be discreet at all and I don't want to be talked about.

Personally I wouldn't ask anyone for cash if I was getting married. I feel putting a poem in, especially to evening guests sets a precedent of expectation to give something where the value is obvious.

'I find there's a bit of a stigma attached to being seen as skint/ stingy and i know this family well, they would not be discreet at all and I don't want to be talked about.'

They're going to talk about you anyway. More fool you.

Just stick a tender in a card, and if they think it's not enough then that's their problem.. I would not donate to the charity.. what's wrong with asking for cash, I can't stand people buying what I would call rubbish, much better to ask for cash

As for 'Waaaa! I don't want 20 toasters!' Then don't ask for any gifts at all. You have all you need, so it goes to follow you don't need other people's money. hmm

With ya.

Going to the event will cost you a little bit of money anyway so don't be afraid to say you can't go, and don't give them anything. There'll be a hundred other people there, they won't miss you (that sounds mean but I'm trying to be nice!!)

I would politely decline the invitation, citing a prior engagement. End of problem.

Sorry, I've not RTFT, but do you have friends going too/know any other guests you can chip in with to give a more impressive looking cash sum?

However I'd always be happy to receive a bottle of fizz Great idea!

I don't know why but somehow the idea of having a box for everyone to post cash anonymously seems... worse. Cringe.

Op, they didn't even consider you worth the cost of a stamp so don't worry too much about giving a small gift or making a donation.

i know this family well, they would not be discreet at all and I don't want to be talked about

It's absolutely not my place to suggest what you should do (any more than it was theirs to ask for money ) but I confess I'm surprised that you're going at all if that's their attitude

Are you honestly suggesting they'd complain openly to others about how much or little you gave??

The whole cash for gift thing is tacky. I wouldn't go. Simple.

OP we asked a family of 5 to our wedding all day and they gave us £10 between them, so don't worry about it, £10 towards something they want or need is better than a £10 gift they don't need, plus you could also NOT go and send them £10 in a reply, that way you look super kind for gifting, and save money by not getting outfits/drinks all night!

A card and a bottle of fizz would be lovely.

Send a card, buy yourselves a bottle of wine, stay home and have a toast to the newly weds

Although having read your recent update I just wouldn't go at all! Life's too short to spend it apologising to grabby people.

I would rather save my money and save for a lovely evening out of my own choice than got to socialise with people who I would presume are not close friends. Send a nice card and decline saying you have previous arrangements. Nobody should feel pressured.

We asked for money ( I didn't want to but everyone kept asking what to get us) I didn't want any gifts of any kind money or gifts .we have been together for 12 years so didnt need anything! it's not like years ago when people done guests list as most people were moving into a home together although i know people still do it. Which to be fair I also have always found odd to give people a list of stuff they can get you from John Lewis etc! Couple of people got us some tacky frames and dh aunt got us a box of wine and champagne glasses which we will never use . But mainly we got cards and that suited us fine. What about a £10 a gift card? I mean what can they really do about it ? Come see you and say it's not good enough?